Bra issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Bra issues
8
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 11:52am

My 13 1/2 year old daughter will not wear a bra! She doesnt have much up there but enough that warrants a training bra or a sports bra. Her friends have told her as well that she should be wearing one but she thinks she doesnt have enough. All her friends wear them. I took her to La Senza girl on the weekend, helped her pick out a few to try on, all sorts of different styles and colors and much to her distain she did try a few on. We bought two and she said I was just wasting my money because she wont be wearing them.

She was even told a true story about a girl her age a few years ago that all the boys were laughing at and teasing because her nipples were showing through her shirt. That didnt even faze her. She's not a promiscuous girl at all, actually very modest most of the time, so I find this totally strange.

I have argued with her, even threatened, but it hasnt done any good. I thought that her friends telling her might have influenced things but nope. How do you think I should handle this? The bras are still sitting in her drawer with the price tags on them, untouched.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tamarahar
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 12:26pm

I think you ought to give it a rest for a little while and pick it up again in the Spring when lighter and thinner shirts are required.

If you feel that she is baring too much in the sense that her nipples are showing through her shirt, simply make it a requirement or she doesn't go out.

If she is still resistent, then maybe you could convince her to wear those cami's with the built in shelf bras under her shirts - my dd's wear them all the time, even with thier bras on!

And lastly, if she continues to battle you on this, perhaps being embarrassed at school by being made fun of is the only way to get through to her.

My friend's dd (15) is huge and still won't wear a bra - she wears sweatshirts year round to hide her breasts. She is embarrassed by them and refuses to acknowledge that she should be wearing some type of bra. My friend says she has a drawer full of different types of bras with the tags still on!

Best of luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: tamarahar
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 12:43pm
I think I side with your daughter on this one, assuming she does not need a bra for support. Men's nipples show through their shirts, too. Big deal. I'm small-chested and only wear a bra when I'm wearing something flimsy or somewhat transparent. The only time I need it for support is when I go running in a tshirt, rather than in a tight exercise top. As OP said, if the teasing bothers her enough she'll start wearing one. If it doesn't bother her, good for her!

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: tamarahar
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 12:55pm

Up until I was 30 and pregnant with DD, I didn't need, nor did I wear, a bra. For modesty's sake, I'd wear an undershirt or cami under most things (like, to work, but on nights and weekends, I went without.

To be quite truthful now that I HAVE to wear a bra, I much prefer things the other way.

As others have said, when the weather warrants lighter weight clothes and t's, maybe then you can encourage your DD to wear at least an undershirt for modesty's sake.

 

 

 

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: tamarahar
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 2:40pm

Just a wild thought - does the school have any policy on this? Maybe you could talk to her counselor and see, and then have the school 'enforce' it and get her in the habit if need be.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: tamarahar
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 5:45pm
Please, NOOOOOOO! Don't ask people to have the schools establish more crazy rules. That would be getting way too personal. If any school has such a rule, I would hope they make their well-endowed male students & staff members wear bras, too.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: tamarahar
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 6:20pm

I'm with you Janet, don't get the school involved in this one! If DD really doesn't need a bra yet for support, then wearing camis under her blouses & t-shirts should be good enough. There are some absolutely adorable camis out there too.

When she does get to the point of NEEDING a bra for support, there are two ways to try to change her mind:
See if you can find pics in National Geographic or some other magazine that shows the bare chest of a 40+ y/o woman who has never worn a bra - does she really want to have boobies that can cover her navel? (no need to get it pierced if they do though I suppose)
-or-
Let her know that going braless can result in some very unwanted attention from the boys, especially during PE class or any time that she is moderately active. I've heard way too many comments from my 3 DSs about girls they see going braless... DD definitely doesn't want that kind of attention. I've said things to my DSs, so I don't get the pleasure of hearing their comments anymore, but I have a feeling they're still looking and making comments among their friends.
Rose

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tamarahar
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 9:20am

No WAY would I get my school district involved in something so personal!!! OMG, they ALREADY have too much say over our kids' form of dress, style, hair, etc. Ugh -

Incidentally, I see the OP's overall, long term concerns in regards to dd wearing a bra, but if she's basically just budding, I don't see the need for any drastic measures just yet. Talking about it, compromising, etc., IMI, is the way to go for now.

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tamarahar
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 10:29am

bwahahhahaha! She can go to *our* school. It's in our student dress code:

7. Appropriate undergarments shall be worn at all times and shall not be exposed.

Of course, it doesn't specifically say "bra", but the beauty of the wording is that it is open to whatever interpretation they want at any given time! LOL