Bracing myself

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Bracing myself
15
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 2:20pm
dxfcvgbhnjkm,


Edited 9/1/2007 4:26 pm ET by kel7col4



Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2000
In reply to: kel7col4
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 4:32pm

I can somewhat relate. My 16 yo DD went our with a wonderful boy 17 yo for about 14 months. Then they had a misunderstanding about something someone wrote on his MySpace page. (can you believe this now, I suppose it's just another avenue for rumors to start)?She broke up with him and was friendly for a while with a Senior that was a trouble maker. My DH and I told her she couldn't date Seniors so they never really went out, just met at basketball games and talked on the phone for hours. She treated ex-bf badly for a couple of months, and now they are talking and hanging out again. I know he really never got over her and really wants her back (I kind of read some of his emails to her)

After the way she treated him I was suprised that he'd still talk to her, but when boys are madly in love I guess they don't make sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
In reply to: kel7col4
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 4:34pm

Boy have I been there. DD has done this to her b/f several times. B/f always seems to blame the guy (often times one of his closest friends). He seems to understand that he's not the best at flirting and DD seems to enjoy and need it. She's done this sort of thing off and on to him the entire 3 years they've been dating but the thing with Dd is that she doesn't tell him and the flirting goes on for several weeks before he finds out.

I'm not real wild about the guy but he certainly deserves better than this. I used to try to talk to dD about her behavior but she basically told me not to worry about. She's almost 19 now and I keep wondering what is she going to do when/if she marries her b/f. This seems to be the only flaw I can find in DD at the moment. She's at college - doesn't party, studies hard, careful driver, goes to Bible study, calls her grandparents weekly, etc. So I've just learned to accept it and have decided it's between them.

Your DD, on the other hand, might listen to you b/c she has talked to you about this. Mine would always keep her flirtations secret from me. Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: kel7col4
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 7:43am

"Your DD, on the other hand, might listen to you b/c she has talked to you about this. Mine would always keep her flirtations secret from me."

As I read your post, I was shocked at all the detail your DD shared with you. There's no way either of my DSs would have said more than "we were at so-and-so's house watching movies" after a night like the one you described. Be thankful your DD is so open with you.

-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 10:25am
asdfghj


Edited 9/1/2007 4:26 pm ET by kel7col4



Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 11:01am
asdfg


Edited 9/1/2007 4:27 pm ET by kel7col4



Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 11:05am
I am extremely thankful about how open she is with me. Exact reason why I had to come here to vent about her behavior as I didn't want attack and ruin what we have. I was not pleased whatsoever with how she was treating boyfriend but one thing I've learned here is not to take sides!!! So I had to step back lol....She was being so hard on herself about everything too........



Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 11:29am
sdfghjkl


Edited 9/1/2007 4:28 pm ET by kel7col4



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: kel7col4
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 12:35pm
Daddio stares blankly at screen...
A play-by-play of where his hands went?
That sounds so.... Gilmore?
I'm impressed with your open relationship with your DD.
Unfortunately, for me that would fall in the category of too much extraneous information. I think my head would explode....
D
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: kel7col4
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 1:34pm

Kel,

Please know that what I am about to say, I say with only the best intentions ... in no way do I want to hurt your feelings, or offend you, BUT ... sweetie, it seems to me you are much too involved and have way too much emotional energy invested in your DD's BF and in her romantic life. I can't see how it can possibly be healthy for any of you -- BF included.

I understand that your DH was deployed and you've spent the last year and a half (?) as a single mom, it's lonely for you, etc. ... however, I really think you do need to step back a bit here. This is, after all, your DD's relationship -- not yours.

You mentioned in a previous post that you didn't think you could have gotten through the holidays without the BF. I think that is a dangerous place for you -- and him -- to be in. Your DD is most likely going to have several more BF's before she finds 'the one' she will spend the rest of her life with and getting so attached to any one of her BF's before that time comes ... well, I just don't think it's such a great idea.

While your close relationship with your DD is one most moms would envy, it seems your knowledge of the intimate details of her life go beyond normal 'mom concern' and 'guidance' levels.

I have a DH with a demanding career, a hobby he is passionate about and could be easily described as emtionally distant, our house is on the market for an out-of-state relocation ... so I think I have a good understanding of what your life is like ... without the military part, anyway. Are there some girlfriends you can get together with? A hobby you'd like to explore? Something to fill your days? A cause you feel strongly about? Like I said, I know all about this:, I'm in a pretty lonely place right now myself and it IS very hard not to immerse myself in the lives of my DD and DS, but they are individuals too and they shouldn't have to carry the burden of my loneliness. I mean, it's okay share interests, do things together, have conversations ... but I don't think it's okay to be so wrapped up in their lives.

Again, with the best intentions ... many {{{gentle hugs}}}

Julie

 

 

 

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 1:40pm
sdfghjk


Edited 9/1/2007 4:29 pm ET by kel7col4



Pages