Bragging on 13 yo DD and ??
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| Fri, 05-26-2006 - 5:11pm |
DD graduated from 8th grade this week. I've posted here with frustration about her not turning in her work on time, not doing her reading, etc. Now the school year is over and her time is pretty well scheduled for the summer to help keep her out of trouble.
We attended the 8th grade graduation dinner this Monday evening. She was disappointed to not receive the female vocal award for choir--she has an incredible voice and sings in the chorale as well as the honor choir.
But were *so* excited when they announced her name as a recipient of an academic letter!!! Approx. 25% of her class earned a letter. None of us--her included--expected it.
She never ceases to amaze me. Just when I think she has given up she gives me something to be so proud of!
Now a question: We told her that if she didn't bring in an 85% in each class for the quarter she wouldn't get to keep her grad present--an iPod nano engraved for her personally. We did give it to her early because we were on a family trip over the weekend and wanted her to use it (and because she said she had the grades and I knew she'd been working hard to get them up). Now I'm worried because it looks like she's got a C (75%) in English for the quarter and an 82% for the semester. I want to follow through on my threat (she knew about it several weeks before school got out) but it's always hard for me to be the hardnose. Should I take it for X amount of time and make her earn it back by reading the books and writing the reports she should have done for the grade in the first place? (That's what got her. They are supposed read 3 books per quarter and she only read 2. If she'd done the third one she'd have had it with no problem and she says she read the book but didn't have a chance to take the test over it. I say bull, but...) Is there another way for her to earn it back? Does the surprise Academic Letter make up for it since she was in the top 25% of her class? Any ideas?
TIA~
Dani

If it were my kid, I would find a compromise position. If she's in the top 25% of her class, that's pretty cool. If the grade in English is really about not having read one book, I think that's a perfect middle ground. Not giving in totally, but giving her a way to "earn back" something she's lost. I'm never a big fan of big punishments anyway, but since you put it in place you do want to follow through.....but offering her a way to regain it keeps a positive spin on it.
Can she read any book or does it have to be one that was assigned? What kinds of books does she like? Maybe there's a book she'd enjoy - and what a good way to kick off the summer!
Sue
Ooooh, I would have a hard time taking the iPod away too after earning an Academic Letter. I still think I would make her read the book though - maybe not write a report but at least read the book (or a book of my choosing over the summer). As long as I saw her working on reading the book, I would let her keep it. Once my DD didn't read an book for English (I didn't finish it either when I was in school - it was awful), I let it slide but we picked another out that I made her read. I read it also at the same time. The point for me was that she understood that reading is important.
We have to focus on the positive and earning that Academic Letter shows that she made a tremendous turnaround. Yes, she shouldn't have been in that position in the first place but we all make mistakes and one of the reasons, we make them is to learn from them and I think she shows that she did learn from her mistake. Just a quick warning, the battle may not be over but its a wonderful start.
As a BTDT mom in your shoes, I understand your pride in her - be sure and SHOW her your pride. Make her a card and tape it to her bedroom door or put it on her pillow. Or when you are out shopping and she sees something (inexpensive) that she might want but wouldn't ask for offer to get it for her as a reward. Be sure to tell her that you would like to get this for her b/c she's worked so hard in school and she deserves something fun. I know this sounds like bribery but as they say you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Making her mom proud will go a very, very long way in her continuing to earn those grades.
Good Luck!
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JMO but I don't think that a graduation present should be conditional upon GPA.
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I wouldn't make doing school work a part of her punishment. You want reading and discussing literature to be a joyful experience for her, not something she's forced to do. Schools force enough "required" reading and reports on kids without us adding to it as a punishment.
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If you really feel you need to use the Ipod as collateral (and since you threatened to so so, you sort of need to follow through), I'd just set a time limit on the usage of the IPod. Say no IPod for the summer and give it back to her when school starts back up. Telling her this is her cance to prove that she can maintain a B average. If she drops, then you take the Ipod till the next progress report.
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I believe that one accomplishment doesn't eliminate a problem.
JMO
stacy
If it were me, well, I wouldn't have given her the graduation gift before the graduation. That's just one of my oddities. BDay presents get received ON the actual bday, Christmas presents don't get opened until Christmas, etc. You bought the iPod not being 100% sure whether or not she was going to meet her end of the bargain? It would be kind of crummy to take away such a great gift after she's already had it and enjoyed it.
I probably would let her keep the iPod without much more than a little talking to. Something like "You know the deal we made about your grades and you didn't quite live up to it. But getting that academic letter was such an honor, you were so close to the 85%, and that showed me that you really worked hard to keep up your end of the bargain. So the iPod is yours to keep but I do expect you to keep your grades up at that 85% mark in the future."
Thank you for all of your opinions. That's one of the reasons I value this board--I can hear everyone's thoughts on any given topic.
A bit more backstory to help clarify my position--
DD is very smart and can easily bring home As if she *would just turn in the work*. It's mostly laziness. This class requires them to read 3 books of their choosing every quarter and take a computerized test over it. DD refuses to read, refuses to turn in the reading logs (resulting in zeros). She said she had the book read but didn't get the test taken. It just wasn't important enough to her, even knowing the consequences of losing the iPod. So I have to stick to my word (one of my personal weaknesses is follow through so I'm trying to improve that). It's been proven time and again that if she turns in the assignments she makes great grades. Example: last semester she went from a 32 to an 85 in math in ONE WEEK just by turning in all the back assignments for partial credit.
I wouldn't normally have given her the gift early. We were traveling the weekend before her gradaution and she was having to fly KC to Denver by herself (for the first time) to attend a family wedding after DH, younger DD and I drove up (so she wouldn't miss her last choir concert and solo). I wanted her to have it to enjoy on the plane.
And, to be honest, I was hoping the "bribe" of an awesome graduation gift would encourage that last push to bring the grades in. Learned that lesson--LOL--won't do that again.
Thank you for the suggestions and comments. Since DD says she's already read the book I think I will have her write a report for me. That, along with the awesomeness of an Academic Letter, and her volunteering at the local library this summer feel appropriate...and of course, a talking-to by mom that she will probably tune out.
Dani