break ups

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2011
break ups
12
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 5:56pm

My DD is thinking of breaking up with her bf, and it's killing me! I know this is

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2011
In reply to: l_s_jane
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 9:17am

I know it's a good thing to do it sooner than later. DD told me he'd never had a serious gf before, so maybe he doesn't really understand his feelings either. They had a text message conversation last night that she really didn't want to discuss. She said things were taken care of, but they were still going to prom and everything was "fine". I don't think texting was the best way to do that, but I know that's the way kids communicate these days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: l_s_jane
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 7:09am

I echo Sabr's advice about engaging her in conversation about what she wants. I would add "what she feels".

It's pretty clear the declaration of love freaked her out! Obviously, she doesn't return the feelings. Are there other options? That is the conversation I would recommend.

The boy certainly deserves to know she doesn't return his love at this time. He deserves to know before he tromps off to college and perhaps holds himself back from experiences because he is waiting for her.

Does she have to break up with him to accomplish that? Perhaps. I would definitely sound her out about it.

We can't control "love" or "attraction". It might be frustrating for your dd to realize this and she might need to talk.

My shy, late-blooming 19 year old is dating a 17 year old girl across the country. They talk and Skpe for hours each day and seem a match made in heaven. They have spent time together three times now(a week at a time in her parents' home). I worry that he is more invested in this relationship than she is and the girl's mom shared the same concern with me. But he isn't going to hear it from anyone but the girl herself. I hope she does the right thing soon if she is indeed not on the same wavelength. He gave her a promise ring in March and has every intention of marriage.

I give your daughter credit here; I really do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2011
In reply to: l_s_jane
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 11:16pm

I do realize it sounds weird, but i've heard her tell friends that she knows someday that she's going to marry her ex. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: l_s_jane
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 10:20pm

I think you can appreciate that he's a nice boy and you liked him, but really I'm surprised you are so invested in your child's relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
In reply to: l_s_jane
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 10:09pm

<<>>.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
In reply to: l_s_jane
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 9:46pm

The first law of being a teen is: "If your parents like it-you must hate it".

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
In reply to: l_s_jane
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 9:15pm

Yes, yes, yes! My parents loved my high school BF. He was a charming, funny, popular, student body president headed for Stanford. But, he was also a serious mama's boy and a control freak. So glad I didn't end up with him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2011
In reply to: l_s_jane
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 7:25pm

They will both be attending the same local college, so that makes it worse. Maybe it is a chemistry issue, but I've seem them holding hands and looking at each other, snuggling on the couch, etc...they sure seemed to like each other. Maybe things are different now than they used to be? Maybe I was just making plans for them in my head, that I wanted to happen :( . I really am heartbroken, as dumb as that all sounds.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2011
In reply to: l_s_jane
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 7:18pm

"he could ALSO be controlling, immature, alcoholic, bullying, or sexually aggressive when he's with your daughter, but not around you"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: l_s_jane
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 7:09pm

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