Cabin party 1 hour away - WWYD?
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Cabin party 1 hour away - WWYD?
| Thu, 10-26-2006 - 6:56pm |
My DD has been begging to go to a party a guy's cabin that is 1 hour away. Everyone plans to get really drunk and everyone is staying overnight. All the jocks and decent kids are going. Most of you know that DD (17) hasn't been making the best choices as far as friends go in the past year. She was sort of hanging around with the "stoners" and has sort of gotten away from them... but only because she got busted with drug paraphenalia. Now she has a court date in Nov. on that charge. Because these kids want to all hang out and socialize and drink, they are going to the far-away cabin so the police don't bust it. There have been so many underage drinking citations in this community. We told DD no because of the upcoming court date and because we had said she couldn't do any overnighters anymore... the last one turned into a very bad situation with her leaving the overnight party and going to her "stoner" BF's house and we didn't know where she was until like 3 in the afternoon the next day! We had contacted the police we have a police officer friend... so we asked for help. We didn't know if she ran away or what. Anyway... now she has been hanging out with kids that actually have goals in life; but we aren't letting her go to this big party with them. But it's due the the lack of trust. I told her, "how do we know you won't leave this party and go with the dirtball drug users again?" She said they can't leave. Anyway... she hates us and is giving us the silent treatment and telling all her friends how much she hates her parents. Are we being too harsh? This parenting is so hard.
Deb
Deb

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Deb,
I can't believe you are questioning your decision. Let me give it to you straight - these so called "jocks" and "decent kids" are no better than the stoners the way you are describing them. The only difference is their choice of substance. Don't kid yourself. Hang in there. She should not go; she'll hate you for now, but one day she won't hate you anymore. You have to be the mom now. Later on you'll be her friend again...
Dragonfly, thanks for responding so quickly because this party is tonight and I have to pick her up from swimming in 1/2 hour.... I know DH and I will have to live in agony over this for tonight and tomorrow. To top this off... one of the swimmers from her team is going and they have a swim meet tomorrow! DD can't swim because of her paraphenalia bust, but will be eligible to swim next weekend for Sectionals. I really needed some sort of support from another parent. I HATE these confrontations. My stomach just churns. Now DS (15) and his GF (16) were thinking of going too, but when we said no, he just dropped it. She gets so mad at us because she says we favor him. That is not true... we just don't fight with him much because there are fewer incidents.
Deb
Hang in there, Deb!! In no way has your DD demonstrated that she can be trusted in such a situation. If she wants to earn that trust, she'll need to show it in smaller ways first.
And this party would be a big no-brainer, NO, for me in any situation that I can envision. I know I'm a square from way, way back (lol, that's my DD's burden in life - two straight-arrow parents!), but I can't imagine any conditions under which an all night drinking binge, purposefully out of town to avoid the police, would ever be OK with me. Personally, that's NOT my definition of the "decent" kids.
Let her be mad now ("I hate you" is the reliable weapon of children everywhere! Don't fall for it). You know it's the right decision, and for now that will have to calm your stomach.
Sue
What you describe is extremely dangerous. I hope all those kids just end up with hangovers and no permanent problems to face.
In a few years your DD will say, "Remember that cabin party you woudn't let me go to that ruined my life?" and you'll both have a good laugh...
Edited 10/26/2006 8:39 pm ET by daddioe
"Everyone plans to get really drunk and everyone is staying overnight. All the jocks and decent kids are going. "
It doesn't matter what label these kids wear in the community, you know you don't want your DD at this party, stick to your guns.
After her little fit, things calmed down and she did manage to have fun at the local bowling alley until midnight. I talked to her when she got home and I think she realized that not everyone went to that party. She seemed in a fairly decent mood. I do still worry about her contacting the dirtball "stoners". Although they weren't at the bowling alley, she was talking to them last night on her phone and yahoo. I know we can't control who she talks to, but jeez. These kids are on the verge of getting arrested; the police know all about them and are just waiting for them to screw up. We don't want her anywhere near them. Why can't she see the risk?
Deb
You said, "Why can't she see the risk?" I seriously doubt that's the case. I remember being in HS and I SO wanted to try one of those kind of parties - I wanted to, and I didn't want to - I wanted to be a fly on the wall that was noticed so I could be considered 'cool', but I wanted nothing to do with the drinking, etc. I wasn't permitted - I didn't get mad at my parents because my gut told me they were right. But a part of me still longed to see what it was like...
Sue
DS (15) doesn't drink, but he does occasionally go to the in-town parties just to socialize. If someone reported that he was at a party, he would be in almost as much trouble as the drinkers. There isn't anything else to do around here... and if someone has a party with no alcohol, nobody will come.
Deb
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