Can I Monitor Instant Messaging?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Can I Monitor Instant Messaging?
27
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 10:33am
Is there any way to save my daughter's instant message conversations without her knowing it? The version of AIM (5.9) that she is using is older and does not allow this. I know newer versions have a setting that allows you to save your logs. I know there are programs out there that you can purchase, but the prices seemed steep. I was hoping for a free or reasonable alternative. Any suggestions? Thanks in advance!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 11:53am

I can certainly agree that abbagirl seems to be very intelligent and well spoken.

My reason for coming to a 'Parents of Teens' board lies in the use of the word 'parents'. I would no more go to a 5yo and ask for advice on how to get my toddler to use the toilet, stop biting or using a pacifier, than I would an 18yo asking for advice on how to get my teenager to take accountability for him/herself, or get out of a potentially harmful situation.

I have a 15yo DD and a 13yo DS, both of whom I have a good relationship with, and if I want a teenage perspective on something, it is quite easy for me to say 'Hey C, or W ... whadd'ya think about this?' and I would likely get a satisfactory answer.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 12:04pm
Amen - I had to laugh about asking a 5yo advice on how to get your toddler to use the toilet!!
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 12:06pm

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Oh Lord, yes! I was just wondering the other day where he'd gotten off to ...

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 12:20pm

I certainly understand your perspective - and in many cases agree with it. However, I do feel that sometimes, a teen can give us a better perspective on what's going on than the parent...would I come here if this board were peppered with teenagers' perspectives on everything? Probably not - because then it would be a "teen" message board - rather than a "parent of teen" message board.

And no, I would NOT ask a 5 yo how to get my toddler to use the toilet - but if he saw me struggling and said "My mommy did....." - I'd probably listen to him - and maybe even try it.

And you are a lucky mom -
((I have a 15yo DD and a 13yo DS, both of whom I have a good relationship with, and if I want a teenage perspective on something, it is quite easy for me to say 'Hey C, or W ... whadd'ya think about this?' and I would likely get a satisfactory answer.))

We are not all that lucky...and for some of is, it is NOT quite easy - and other teens' perspectives give us some insight into what our own sullen and non-communicative teens are thinking.

That's all - just another perspective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 12:41pm

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Agreed ... and I do also agree that I am a very lucky mother.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 12:54pm

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I think that a teen can give us another perspective, but not always a "better" one. For example, my kids are about the same age as the kids I teach. When I get exasperated with my students' behavior, I sometimes ask my own kids why my students might be acting like that. They often have valuable insights. But they don't know the whole story or the bigger picture, so I have to combine their thoughts w/ my own broader perspective and go from there.

Where this particular teen poster lost credibility was in claiming that she was as "wise" as us older folks. As others have said, that's not possible without the benefit of life experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 12:58pm

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That's what I was agreeing with.

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Completely agree.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 1:05pm

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In actuality, though - that goes the same for the other parents' perspectives - these boards can give us "other" viewpoints - but not necessarily "better" ones. The other mothers on this board do not know my children - or my home life - or my neighborhood...and I do not know theirs. Their opinions are based on their own experiences, and while they would be vastly MORE experienced at teenage life (having both lived it AND raised it) than a teen who has only lived it - it is still merely another perspective and thought that I have to combine with my own and go from there (to quote you, if I may).

Other viewpoints are just that - OTHER viewpoints - they are not necessarily better, nor are they necessarily correct. They just provide us with a little "nudge" to our brain when we have reached a wall and don't know what to do, taking into account the knowledge, experience, and yes - AGE of the person who is offering advice.

((Where this particular teen poster lost credibility was in claiming that she was as "wise" as us older folks. As others have said, that's not possible without the benefit of life experience.))

Absolutely agreed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 1:13pm
I agree with everything you say. I would just say that I'd give more weight to the perspective offered by another parent than to one offered by a teen (although that would have a different sort of usefulness). As another poster said (and I've lost track by now!), I frequent this board because I want to hear the wisdom of other parents,not teens. But I definitely understand your point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 1:25pm
I will certainly agree that teens can give a different perspective than our own teens might have but you are right - it might not be better.
Pam