Can't believe I'm asking this....help...

Avatar for commitmeplz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Can't believe I'm asking this....help...
11
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 11:34pm

Ok..there is a neighbor down the street who has a son Cory's age (15). We bought have talked before and felt our boys are pretty level headed good kids. But that they spend way too much time indoors and on the computer and video games. They are friends, but at school Cory has his own set of friends. A group of popular kids, all very good looking. All seem like good kids.


So the neighbor comes over tonight looking for her sons PSP which my son had. He has his own as well. I asked in the past why he had two here. He did tell me it was this other boys. I guess i just never wondered WHY they had two here. I dropped my son off at winter camp today, so I went down to his room to look for the PSP's but couldn't find either. I went back up to tell her and she asked if I had heard about what had transpired at her house. I said no. So she starts telling me how her son is in a psych ward right now being evaluated for mental illness (possibly Bi-polar) which is not anything that shocked me...he is a good kid but he's been through hell for the first 12 yrs of his life in an abusive home. She was his foster mom and later adopted him. We are adopting two girls from foster care right now...so we kind of hit it off in the conversations and seem to have a lot of knowledge in common. Anyway...so she tells me that she came home from work early one day and Cory exited her house out the back door when she got home. This other kid from down the street...whom neither of our kids ever hung out with before...but they ride the bus with...exited out the front door but had his hoodie's hood over his head and his head draped down so she couldn't see into his face as he walked past her. She went down to her sons room and it smelled like pot. She believes that my son truely may not have been a total part of the pot...but left knowing it was wrong. I thought this might be the case too. She also told me that the other day she found out that her son had broken into the vacant house across the street and was smoking pot in there. He says Cory was with him. But I can't remember the last time Cory wasn't home. Apparantly he also implicated Cory in skipping School for the first four hours one day. When the lady in the office called his mom she mentioned Cory's name too and then her son yelled out that it wasn't Cory (and he laughed) and said another kids name..which was Cody (and he mentioned the last name too).


I'm not sure about any of it. My son is at camp until Sunday. But so when dad gets home and our 3 yr old is in bed I tell him what I was told. He instictively heads down to Cory's room and we both start going through his room. I mean we looked under the mattress, inside pillow cases, in drawers, every where. Every nook and cranny. We came up with a substance...we suspect may be tobacco bits. It's not pot. That is one very distinctive smell. But maybe it's related.There were so seeds. We came up with a heck of a lot of condoms. But that wasn't a suprise because we have told him that he needs to have them incase he were to ever decide to do something, although we stress it's best not to, so having them isn't an issue with us. I'd rather he did. Than not. KWIM. Anyway, so then we find bottle caps (the plastic kind of 20 oz's and 2 liter pops) with holes in the top. I've found these for a while. I never thought anything of it. Cory has always like playing with matches and setting things on fire like little sticks. Not something we have liked. And every time dad finds a lighter or something he confascates them. So this time...we find these bottle caps with metal things in them. So I do a search online...and look what I find....


http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Smoke-Pipes-From-Everyday-Objects


Scroll down to SODA BOTTLE CAPS and the last part about take the cap from 2 liter bottles..........


I'm stunned. I'm telling you. The kids Cory hangs out with in school..including his girl friend...are NOT like this. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to say. Dh is going to talk to Cory when he gets home on Sunday. Oh, and we found a attendance report for him stuffed inside a pouch that is meant for a rossary. In looking at it I can't find anything suspicous BUT I'm thinking MAYBE the days that the other kid skipped might coincide with days on there. I'll take that down to her tomorrow and see if she can match that day up with what Cory has on his slip. And on the outside of the folded up slip he wrong "Congrats if you find this".


We also found another progress report hidden. He has done this many times. we have had HUGE grade issues with him since sixth grade. he's now in 10th. And I am pretty sure he'll be repeating 10th next year too.


I don't know if anyone has insight. I don't know if anyone has answers. I don't know anything right now. I thought Cory's only issue was a lack of caring about school. Now I have no idea. Oh, this kid that lives nearby (the one that the two boys ride the bus with) apparantly him and his brother are into pot and are bad kids. We both are wondering if he is what has intrigued the two boys into the pot and such.But I have to tell you. I've noticed the holes in the bottle caps for some time now. And just NEVER thought anything of it. Only issue is that I never noticed the piece (metal) in the bottle caps until we foudn them tonight. Never before did they have this piece in them.


Sydney

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 7:56am

Hi..first thing, don't panic! The sad truth is, more kids do smoke pot than do not (even the popular and *good looking* ones)...and parents who insist their kids do not are more easily fooled. Read your whole post. There are many concerns in there...the smoking, the attendance, grades...but the thing that jumps out at me is the note...and the wiseguy disrespectful intent in those 5 little words.


I really can't say what you should do...plenty of parents here on this board will have words of wisdom...what I would do? Well, he's 15, just at the age where he has to start taking responsibility and consequences. By that I mean natural consequences, not any reprimand

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 9:35am

Oh my, do I feel for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 11:08am

Your son is smoking pot and has been for awhile


I get the feeling you needed to hear that. If he comes home and denies it, he is lying.


Sorry, but reading through the story as an outsider, there is no doubt. Popular kids also do this stuff-you cant assume that they arent based on their grades or athletics or looks. Actually, they know more people and are invited to more parties. All this makes for easier access. Think of child TV or music stars-being popular in high school is a mini version of that scenario. I'm sure there are some who say NO but I belive it is far less than many like to think


You need to access his time unsupervised. Obviously, he has had too much. They cant be at homes where an adult isnt present. Find tutoring of some sort; we have a plethora here and there are often free programs the school provides(they may not tell you unless you ask)Ideally, that gets his grades up but, if not, he is in a supervised environment.


I dont believe in a rehab program for pot but I know others do. If you go that route, find one for teens like him. He doesnt need to be around older folks doing harder drugs.


I agree not to jump to blaming the neighborhood bad boy. Your son's GF could be his supplier-you honestly dont know

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 2:54pm
I think that you need to have your son drug tested to find out what he is....or isn't doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 3:30pm
When your ds comes home, greet him at the door with a drug test.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Mon, 02-11-2008 - 7:24am

>>>>The sad truth is, more kids do smoke pot than do not <<<<

Can you tell me where you got this info? I'm not sure it's true - I thought the percentage of teens smoking pot was between 25% and 35% - and on the decline.

I don't disagree with any of the advice given to the OP - I just think it should be framed by accurate statistics. If my DD does not smoke pot, and she hears "most kids do it" then she might feel like "it's the thing to do", rather than a choice made by a minority of her peers.

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Mon, 02-11-2008 - 7:31am
Well, I'm simply going by what I see around me...and what my kids tell me. Perhaps I should have said in my community more do than don't. or at least have tried it...I really feel this is a reality.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Mon, 02-11-2008 - 7:45am

If you meant that the majority of teens have tried pot, I'd probably

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Mon, 02-11-2008 - 8:00am
Well, aren't statistics based on small samples? I know what

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-11-2008 - 8:21am

I wonder about what kids admit to on these surveys? Do they want to act cool and therefore claim more than they actually do? Or is it under reported because they dont count trying something once or twice as opposed to regular use(or believe oral sex isnt REALLY sex)

At least with adults, I have a pretty good idea. You dont want to base the weight of the average American woman on what is on their drivers licenses-

I think if kids are going to parties and being exposed to alcohol, they are being exposed to pot. But we still have the kids like my youngest who go nowhere and the late bloomers who dont date. It adds up.

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