Catty girls

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Catty girls
7
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:05am

This may sound petty, but just throwin it out for comments.

My 18 year old daughter has been dating a real nice guy for two years. His brother dated a girl for 2 years and the girl broke up him sometime ago but remains friends with my daughter's b/f. Actually she is closer to his age, she was younger than his brother. The break up was bad and caused his brother physical pain and the family grief.

Trying to make this short. This girl does not like my daughter and has never really tried to hide her feelings, she says mean things to her. She leave comments on b/f's myspace and facebook that she knows sound bad and will upset my daughter. She is downright rude when she sees them in person as far as to interrupt mydaughter in the middle of conversations to the get boys attention. She is just not a nice girl, anyone with eyes can this. She is trouble and she is a bit loose from what the family says.

My daughter gets so upset and she has told the b/f, he just blows it off and says they have been friends since before she dated his brother. In my opinion, which always isn't the best opinion, is that he should back away from this girl a bit and say something to her. I feel his loyalty should be to my daughter, but I am prejudice of course.

I know all teenagers especially girls can be like this at times, but she won't let up. So frustrating!!!!!

Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
In reply to: andie3157
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 12:29pm

The fact that he "blows it off" speaks volumes. He doesn't understand (or perhaps cares) that this girl's behaviour is hurtful to your DD.

The time has come your your DD to have some backbone. The next time the girl is rude to her in person, she should inform the girl that she is being rude. It's simple. Something like.. "Excuse me, I was not finishing talking". Your DD doesn't have to yell. Just say it firmly,ignore her and continue the conversation.

As for the rest, since it is her b/f's myspace, if he has no trouble with the girl posting hurtful messages on his myspace and facebook, your DD should rethink her comittement to this young man. Her b/f can not control what this girl posts on his site but he can control what
"stays" posted on his site. He should not allow any hurtful messages about ANYONE to remain on his site.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: andie3157
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 1:04pm

Thanks, I am a little hotheaded at times. I never thought of her just saying "excuse me, I am talking" in a calm manner. Would certainly make her look like the bigger person.

I guess I also portrayed him as cruel. He is not, he has taken off the bad things on myspace and facebook. When the girl says snide remarks to my daughter when they are together, he always takes my daughter's hand and walks away. He is just the type of person who won't say anything to anyone, he is afraid of making anyone mad. That includes my daughter. He has very low self esteem. He really has no reason to, but he does. Plus this girls parents are friends of his parents and he will do and say anything to make his parents happy, that is just they way he is.

I guess maybe I will never figure kids out, but it sure has been fun and challenging trying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: andie3157
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 8:59am

going to toss one more thing out:

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
In reply to: andie3157
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 2:32pm
Well, the fact that he takes your daughter's hand and walks away speaks volumes.
What a forceful and elegant statement he is making! He is not only ignoring that girl but,by taking your daughter's hand, shows that he prefers your daughter and is concerned about her feelings. Excellent!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: andie3157
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 11:19am

I guess all teenage boys heads get turned when a pretty girl shows any kind of interest, I vaguely rememeber the teenage years. It is fun when someone of the opposite sex makes a fuss over you for any reason. My daughter could do a WHOLE LOT worse. He is a good kid and very compassionate.

Ahh to be young again!!

Thanks for the ideas!!

Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
In reply to: andie3157
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 9:32am

In my experience, cattiness does not end with adolescence. Oh sure, as they age women may learn how to hide their cattiness a bit more or disguise it as something else but...cattiness has no age limits!

So I think its time for you dd to learn how to deal with cattiness since its something she'll encounter all her life. She could fight fire with fire by doing the "I wasn't finished talking" thing or she could try to confront the girl about her behaviour but, honestly, she's likely never going to change this girls mind about her. Catty women (or men for that matter) are basically jealous and insecure and as we all know seek to elevate themselves by shooting down others. And sometimes the people they target will stoop down to their level and then, ultimately, the cattiness has won out...not a good thing.

I say she should follow her boyfriends very good example. Smile politely, ignore the comments and...move on. After all, she's the one who's walking away with the nice boy isn't she?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: andie3157
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 10:17am

You are sooooo right!!!!!

I guess cattiness never does go away. And I did always tell her be the bigger person.
Time for her to put it into motion!!

Andie