Caught Dd with cigs....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Caught Dd with cigs....
3
Sun, 11-09-2003 - 9:26pm
What do you recommend to be a good form of discipline for a 15yo that you've discovered is smoking cigarrettes?? She is a great student and has many friends but I've caught her with cigs and smelled it on her breath. She knows how we feel about smoking and kids these days are educated on the effects of cig smoke. I'm just not sure about how to approach her with a punishment or what the appropriate punishment is. Kids her age will experiment with lots of stuff and I just think that most punishments will make her rebell. Any ideas??


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 12:28am
Is she buying them? If so, with what money? If it's from an allowance, cut the allowance. if she needs something, go with her to buy it. Tell her you aren't going to fund her smoking. If she's bumming off friends, they won't go for that indefinitely. Kids will sell a cigarette for 50 cents or a dollar. If she wants a dollar for a pop or a bag of chips or whatever, send her with a can, a bag. For one thing, it's illegal to buy cigarettes at 15, something to remind her.

You know, I smoke. It's by far the one thing I regret the most. It's the hardest thing to stop and irregardless of the stop smoking literature, the facts now available, AND the fact I work for a surgeon whose primary patients are lung cancer patients, I'm still smoking - yet am also working towards quitting BECAUSE of the effect this has had on me AND because my daughters hate it and *I* have a whole different attitude towards it now - when I started, what's known then is a whole different thing from what is known now. It's something that is almost impossible to stop her from doing, and any consequence you put into place would be with the goal of getting her to quit. So I'd suggest you get her to work for it ... get her to do a research project every week that she has to give you, on smoking. Make a different topic every week: what chemicals (over 4000) are in cigarettes? what are the effects of the chemicals? which ones are addictive? Pick out some of the worst chemicals and get her to research the effect those have on the body for one of the research papers you get her to write. What's a carcinogen and which things in cigarettes are the carcinogens? Get her to write a paper every single week and give it to you on something related. Get her to research lung cancer, emphysema, bronchogenic carcinoma, esophageal cancer, throat cancer, mouth cancer. Seriously - if my kids were caught with a cigarette, I guarantee you they'd be working at research. At the least, they aren't getting off scot free just because I can't do anything to stop them outside my house and at the least also, they are educating themselves constantly on the effects. Get them to find pictures (omigosh ... you can't imagine how upsetting those pictures are - but I have been smoking for 30 years; there's a difference in impact with a habit that ingrained than for someone who is still 15). Week after week after week. Relentlessly. Don't make a big issue. Don't lecture. Don't freak. Just make her do that research every single week for however long it takes. There is PLENTY to research ...

Good luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 5:21am
Ask her if she is smoking...if she is remind her of the consequences...take her to an online site that shows the effects of smooking on the human lungs after a period of time. Punishment? Well since it is illegal for her to actually smoke at her age you might remind her of that. You can also tell her that since it is illegal for a 15 year old to smoke it is also illeagl to supply a 15 year old with cigarettes and you will find out who has been giving them to her and see what the law has to say to them. Other than that I wouldn't do anything. If she's going to smoke she is going to smoke and if you throw a fit she will simply do it to spite you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 7:31am
Educating her, or making her educate herself is probably your best bet, as the previous posters said. I, too, am a smoker and have been for all but 6 of the past 28 years. (OK, I quit for 6 years, then somehow ended up starting again about a year ago.) Of the six members of our house, 4 are "open smokers" - DH, me, S and J, and Z is a "closet smoker" - he's 16, the older boys say they caught him smoking when he was just short of 15 - but I refuse to let him openly smoke at this point, especially since he's an athlete. We have told him over and over that when he gets caught and looses playing privilages, don't be whining to us...he knew the rules before he started this crap. He's doing lots of research on the effects of cigs on athletic performance these days, and I think he's cut back alot - not near as many trips to "walk the dog" as he used to have.

I'm really wanting to quit myself, but it's really hard, even though I successfully quit once before. Now the two older boys tend to confide a lot of things over that "last cig of the evening" on the front porch and I really miss that when I try to give it up. When I go out there just to talk when they're out there...well, they are more on guard and things don't tend to just flow out of their mouths like they do over a cig. One of these days...I quit before and I'll do it again.