cell phones

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
cell phones
19
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 2:34pm

On a lighter note from my previous post, Dd feels she is the last teen on earth to not have a cell phone. We have told her we would get her one when the time comes that she would need one. I honestly can't think of a single reason that she would "need" such a thing. Dh has onstar AND a cell phone and I have one. If we think it is a good idea for her to have a phone for any reason (like when she recently attended a leadership conference in another city), we give her Dh's. She is driven to and from school, the kids are allowed to use the office phone to call home, she has our calling card number memorized, we allow her to use the home phone any time she wants, she can take the cordless into her room to talk .... I don't get it.

Two days ago, she started "researching" phone plan rates and told us she is going to approach us with a "plan" for why she should have a phone. I think it's pretty funny (and enterprising) that she is doing this but her argument will have to be a darned good one, I'm afraid.

Is there anyone here who has deprived their young teen of a cell phone?

Are there any compelling reasons I should consider allowing her to "win" this one?

JT

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
In reply to: pay_it_4ward
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 3:11pm

Well, in our house all 4 of us have cell phones. And truthfully, there is something to say about being able to reach everyone nearly ALL the time. I love talking on the phone, and I'm a phone junkie (cell phone or otherwise). I know, I know, you'd never know by my posts that I like to talk alot, but believe it or not, I do (smile).

If she can come up with a reasonable 'plan' (even if it is senseless to you) that she has put time and effort into, then I'd go ahead and get her one. My boys have shown a great deal of responsibility with theirs. I will admit that since summer we've struggled a bit with the oldest, but it is truly nothing out of control............just giving up the phone by 9:30 or 10. We require him to put in the living room at night (to prevent those all night calls on a school night). He resists this, but we enforce it and so far, it has been allright.

Her desire for a cell phone is normal---you don't see many people without anymore. I liken it to me wanting my very own phone and very own NUMBER in my room. I never got it, but oh how I wanted it.................it was so cool!! Adding another number onto an existing plan is relatively inexpensive, and as long as she doesn't go over her minutes (luckily, a problem we've not faced yet) you are the 'good guy' with little effort and little cost.

I'd say go for it, and let her think her research and the plan she devises is a good one----it will go a long way in making her feel grown up.

Shels

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: pay_it_4ward
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 3:13pm

My ds is only 13 and isn't a 'phone talker' (good luck getting him to instigate a call from home) and he's always near a phone when with others (school, friend's house, etc.); he's not up for hanging at the mall or anything (yet?) so there's no need.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
In reply to: pay_it_4ward
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 4:18pm

We got ds18 a track phone when he got his liscence 2 years ago.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: pay_it_4ward
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 4:25pm

I know just how you feel! I didn't see any real reason for my DD to have a cell phone, either. Like you, we'd just give her mine or DH's when she went out. Came a time, though when DH was out of town or on stand-by, so I had to give her mine. But then, I was stuck at home because if she needed to reach me, she couldn't anywhere else but at home!

So, we got her one last Christmas. To be honest, she didn't use it much until she started high school this year. She stays at school for quite a long time after dismissal, usually in the library and she and I often send text messages about her day back and forth. When DH arrives at the school to pick her up, he just gives her a call from his car so doesn't have to go hunt her down.

I think it's truly great that your DD is putting so much thought and energy into this! That shows a very mature attitude about the issue and that she would be responsible about its use. I think on that basis alone she's earned it.

Maybe you could "think about it, review her proposal", hold out until Christmas, and give it to as a Christmas gift. Then she can call all her friends on Christmas Day, wish them a happy holiday and give them her new phone number!

I think I'd let her 'win' this one!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
In reply to: pay_it_4ward
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 4:40pm

While not a necessity, they are very, very nice to have.

It's annoying to have to borrow a friends phone, or scrounge up change to call parents when the movie is over or for a ride home from the mall or seomthing.

Also, sometimes friend's families are weird about friends. Over the summer, my friend's phone worked only about half the time, and they had people in several times to fix it. My mom would get mad she couldn't reach me, and I had to find some other way to call her. I have another friend with dial up internet, and they are online ALOT. Obviously, this is inconvinient because my mom couldn't get ahold of me, and I didn't always feel comfortable asking them to get offline.

It's nice when I'm out doing something and my mom needs to call and tell me something. I could always borrow a friend's if i needed (but they didn't always like me using their minutes), but she couldn't call me and tell me if she was going to be late picking me up from the football game or something.

I'm on the Math team (dorky, I know) and when we'd go to other schools for meets, I could call her when we were ten minutes from our school so she could leave to pick me up, and not be waiting, or keep me waiting, because the estimated time of arrival can be WAY off.

I could have taken my mom's or my dad's when I was going out, but I began to refuse to take someone else's phone. If they think I need a phone, then they can get one for me. Of course, they could have not let me go out, but it wasn't the type of situation where it was REALLY necessary, they just felt better if i had one.

I have a cell phone now.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: pay_it_4ward
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 5:45pm

Pay it 4ward said:
<<

>

Wait!...*MY* DD feels she’s the last teen on earth not to have cell phone. Can there be two "lasts"??.. lol
Despite their arguments that cell phones are a requirement for life in the same category as air and water, it seems most of the usage stems from “hang out plans” that are undecided and change unexpectedly at the last minute. Hardly a reason for a $75.00 + /mo. family plan..
My plan (subject to change) is to get DD a cell phone when she gets her drivers license in about 9 months.

Payasa said:
<<<>>

That’s exactly what DD says, and it’s a valid point. This is the one and only reason I’m considering getting one for her before she gets her drivers license. Nice to have this confirmed.

P.S….
<<>>
At DD’s HS, the title "Math Nerd" is not a diss. Actually quite the opposite. The math team is phenomenal and gets an equal amount of respect as any of the sports teams. Maybe because they get a fair amount of publicity in the school newspaper about what they’re doing. (And math teams don't do stuff just ^anybody^ can do!) We're proud of you payasa!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: pay_it_4ward
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 6:02pm

I think it's great that your teen wants to research a plan and give you reasons.

My ds 17 has had a cell phone for probably 4-5 yrs. His father gave it to him and since we are divorced, it's been great to call my son to talk to him without having to talk to his dad. :0) And now that ds lives with me, I'm sure my ex likes making his twice a week calls directly to our ds instead of calling my home. A win-win for all of us.

He's not a big talker either. Probably makes one call a week unless he's calling me to ask a question or me to remind him of something.

Good luck with your decision.


Carrie

Avatar for imomtojd
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: pay_it_4ward
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 6:47pm

"Are there any compelling reasons I should consider allowing her to "win" this one?"

It really depends on her activities and schedule. We're actually getting DS (who will just be turning 15) one for the holidays. We were planning to wait a while, but DS is in theatre, and the dept. at school doesn't have a phone so he has to borrow other kids' and is getting uncomfortable asking all the time. He also goes to school games, parties and the movies quite often, and we've decided that the time has come - it's almost a necessity now. I really think it depends on your personal situation - I wouldn't get one if she really doesn't need it yet or you're uncomfortable with it - but it's probably going to come up alot now - so you might decide it's worth it to get it over with now, rather than later. Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
In reply to: pay_it_4ward
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 10:02am

Our plan was to not allow either child to have a cell phone until they started driving. However, we did give youngest one hers about 8 months early for two reasons. The first was due to a problem with the ex b/f I was very concerned for her safety and wanted her to be able to contact me w/o having to "find" a phone. Second my work hours changed and she would ball games out of town that neither one of us could go to. The coach literally got mad and left before the girls came out of the locker room once. Thankfully a parent stepped up to make sure all the girls got home (we don't use buses - too expensive).

How old is DD? How long before she will truly need one? Also, how important to you is it that she develop research skills? In order to spend THEIR money on any major purchase (over $100), I insist that my DD's do research and prove to me why they are choosing to buy this one over another one and why they want the item in the first place. We use it as a lesson in being a good consumer.

One of my friends bought her son a cell phone recently - he's 13 and is not in any extracurricular activities and is always either with the church (leaders have phones) or his parents. I do not understand why he needs one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
In reply to: pay_it_4ward
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 11:09am
She is fourteen and the only reason I am even remotely considering it is the fact that she is taking it upon herself to research it. She is a real people-pleaser ... especially with adults, and she tends not to stand up for herself. In fact, in recent years I have been "teaching" her to argue! How weird is that? I am encouraged to see that this is changing ... in more ways than in the cell phone issue. She has yet to "present" her arguement, so I am waiting for that.

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