Change in relationship with DS

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
Change in relationship with DS
4
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:56pm

I am a single mom of 3 teenage boys (13, 16, and 17). I have always had a great relationship with the oldest (all three of them, but especially the oldest) who will be a senior in HS this year. Since summer started, he seems to cop an attitude everytime I 'suggest' that he do something. He has always done what I've asked (whether it be helping around the house, practicing for whatever sport he is in, etc...) I know that this is probably normal, but I am not sure how to deal with it. I am afraid that I will do something to ruin the closeness that we have and I want us to have a good relationship when he does move out...

Any advice would be appreciated!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 5:31pm

Hi and welcome to the board!

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-1998
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 7:04pm

Do you suppose it's because as they enter that senior year and get that much closer to leaving the nest (even if for just a few weeks/months at a time for college) that they are testing their independence and trying to unconsciously put distance between you and them to make the inevitable split easier on them?

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 8:08am

Well, here's my take on it as the mom of 3 DSs, 18, 21 & 21.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 10:36am

I agree with the others; it's their way of separating

My oldest didnt actually do it until he moved out. He dropped of out of his first semester of college and we gave him 6 mos to move out on his own. He was okay while living with us but nasty and hurtful when he moved out. I was filled with guilt worrying whether or not we had made the right decision

He came around-took at least 12 months but he is a pleasant young man again and, while he has never apologized, he has gone out of his way to say the opposite of the hurtful things. During the bad time, for example, we were reamed for 'making' him play soccer,be in scouts etc. The other day he talked about how lucky he was as a kid to get to do so many things!

DS2 just graduated and starts college 8-18. He decided to move in with a friend for the summer and we were rather relieved. Yes, he had been a nightmare most of his senior year and was especially nasty to his 14 yr old brother

Hes pleasant again now that he is out of the house and actually went out of his way to visit with his little brother the other day(never thought Id see the day)

The lease of where he is staying will be up Aug 1 so we'll have him again for a few weeks

I wonder which version we will get for those 2-3 weeks????

So, yeah, muddle through and know he will come back. It might take year or so-and yeah, its going to hurt-but he WILL come around