Changing sports as a JUNIOR...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Changing sports as a JUNIOR...
15
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 12:32pm

Ok, I know this doesn't qualify as an earth-shattering issue, but I wonder how best to handle this situation. My 16 yr old son has always had a PASSION for football. AT the end of last season he was burned out and said he didn't want to play. He does this often, then when season rolls around, he's rearing to go.

He's decided he wants to dump football and play soccer. Soccer is a sport he's never played--even as a child. We enrolled him for a session or 2 of YMCA soccer when he was about 6 or 7, and that is IT. Our community and public high school is a rah rah football deal. You COMMIT 100% to football, yada yada yada. I spoke to the soccer coach who feels like my son should NOT abandon football totally....just join the summer soccer leage to try it out and continue w/ the normal summer football camps. My son feels like I'm FORCING him to do what I want...which isn't true. His passion has ALWAYS been football---he's not a big kid and I think he thinks he can't compete BUT HE CAN. He's fast as lightning, and kicks pretty well----a great combo in my book. I just want his decisions to be made with all the consequences in mind. He may not be able to return to football if soccer isn't what he wants/hopes. The football program is pretty competitive and feisty--if he bails on them now, he may not get a 2nd chance, you know?

What to do, how to be sensitive to his needs/wants yet be PRACTICAL.......

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 10:57pm

Some of the points you make about how difficult it is to switch sports - exactly why I'm very happy that my kids are in a small school, graduating about 80 kids/yr. Pretty much everyone that wants a shot at a sport gets a chance... granted, the kids that have been playing together since they were old enough to walk in the rec dept leagues have an advantage, but anyone with some athletic ability, drive and desire will get a shot at the team - even if they decide to change sports senior year.

But beyond all of that - realistically, what difference will all of this make 5 or 10 years from now? So he gives up on football now - what is the likelihood that if he sticks with it, he will be in the pros in 10 years? Even in an outstanding high school program, the odds are pretty small.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 8:14am

You are so right, and I get that. But it could make a difference for him NOW. He has professed a 'passion' for football since he's been in 3rd grade. The ONLY thing I'm trying to push for him is this: THINK before you make a decision that COULD affect the rest of his high school fall sports career.......it's a HUGE decision, and he needs to be aware of ALL angles, not just having tunnel vision to play a sport he's NEVER played, just because a bunch of his friends do.

Now, he may be sick of football, he may never want to play again---but I strongly suspect based on knowing him the way I do, that IF soccer isn't what he hopes or if he stinks at it, that he may change his mind---it depends on which way the wind is blowing and what is more adventageous for HIM at the moment.......I've seen it happen this way EVERY year since 7th grade for him. There is SOME sport he's abandoning---he's not happy, he didn't play, it's too hard, coaches stink....you name it, he's said it and 'quit'. He's NEVER, EVER, EVER held to it. Not once.

The only lesson I'm trying to impart to him is to KEEP HIS OPTIONS OPEN at this point. Don't shoot himself in the foot because his ego thinks just because his ego is bigger than his brain right now. I truly think that he thinks he'll join the soccer team and be a varsity player. He says that isn't so, but I truly think he thinks he'll transition with ease and grace......maybe so, but realistically? Not.

In 10 years this will not matter, but I hope he learns the skill of THINKING before you make a possible life (or in this case high school) changing decision.

I do honestly appreciate the insight and advice--I know it appears that I have 'tunnel vision' and may not be respecting "t"'s wishes.......but believe me I am. I'm trying to provide the best support for him that I know how......and it would not shock me a bit if before this summer is over, we are back to football. If he chooses soccer, or doesn't make the soccer team and STILL wants to leave football, he'll have my blessing. I have no personal attachment to the sport in general. Soccer would be just as great to watch as football, if he's playing!! :)

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 9:05am

"I've seen it happen this way EVERY year since 7th grade for him. There is SOME sport he's abandoning---he's not happy, he didn't play, it's too hard, coaches stink....you name it, he's said it and 'quit'. He's NEVER, EVER, EVER held to it. Not once."

Maybe he doesn't really want to play any sport?! What my dh and I have found with our DS is that although they "drop a bomb" on us with something that we think they haven't even thought through, they have actually thought about it for a long time, just not telling us anything about their thoughts. It seems like a bomb to us, it's just that they finally get the courage to tell us something that they don't think we will like. My DS just quit Football after this last season as a sophomore. When he told us, it was one of those "bombs" just because he was good at football and we thought he totally love it! Well, after lots of digging to find out his reasons, he told us, He did love football, just not anymore. He hurt every practice, every game...it was brutal on his body, even though he was good at it :( He also told us that Football players (at our school) were not very good kids, drugs, steroids, drinking, sex. He didn't really want to be around those kids.

Anyway, I just thought I would share our experience, Good luck to you and I truely do know what your feeling :)

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 9:39am

My DH and I have discussed this at length--we don't want to pressure him into ANYTHING. Sports has always been VERY important to him---my younger son not so much...he isn't nearly as interested or involved. I'd like to think we arent' 'those' parents who relentlessly force their kids into activities......he's always joined voluntarily. This football issue is ONLY a 'just in case' deal---we never know if he'll change his mind mid stream....we've told him once football camp is over and if his adamant refusal to want to play football is still how he feels, that is fine.....and we mean that. I don't think HE thinks we mean it.

I personally think it is his friends. He's changed groups of friends recently (which is a relief) and they all play soccer. Football in our community is TOUGH. Very rah rah and you must give a 100% committment......it probably sucks! He's a very wishy washy type of kid. Sports, work, school.....he's gung ho about something, then loses interest very quicky--ESPECIALLY if he's not the VERY BEST, or if his buddies move to different interests........it's a way of life w/ him.......

But I appreciate the thought that sports may not be for him....we've discussed it, and at this point and time, I dont' THINK that's the case.......he's not verbalized that, at least......not that he says much at all, unless he's mad or trying to be sweet to get his way!! :)

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 10:16am
My opinion is that your son has made a decision with regards to his life and you should respect that decision.

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