cleanliness issue
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cleanliness issue
| Wed, 06-13-2007 - 5:29am |
I have a 15yr old girl. It is killing me that she does not take showering or her physical appearance serious. and no she is not depressed which i know could be a reason for this. i believe it is just laziness. She is over-weight by at least 25lbs which is no big deal really. But she doesn't wear clothes to help that. She wears whatever she has even if they don't match. She showers every 3 days. Gives me a million excuses why she isn't getting in the shower. I'm tired. I'll wash up. bla bla bla. She doesn't care if people get close to her and she has stinky under-arms. I can smell her sitting next to her. I am at the end of my rope. I want to force her to get in the shower. Take a bath. anything. but i cannot banter with her anymore. School is out now and she is going to be sitting around watching tv or on this computer eating all day causing her to get even bigger. She is leaving on a trip in July but from now till then she has nothing to do. I get mentally drained just thinking about having a conversation with her about this. i cannot do the bantering anymore. Yes she has friends. But i work all day very long hours. its is just her and i here. so unless someone drives her and picks her up to go somewhere she is at home. I go to a gym. no she wont join me. I go out walking no she wont join me. I have told her as of last night I just want her to please change. I dont know what else to do.

Step up and set some ground rules.
No computer or tv until she showers. Showering daily should not be an option. In our home you don't get to do anything until all chores and personal care is completed. No computer, tv, music, football, phone, friends etc..
Also consider setting her up with a Y membership. Inform her that to make it worth the cost, you will expect her to go at least twice per week. There are tons of activities, classes (art, music, drama, computer, dance, aerobic etc..), swimming and so on. She's bound to find something that will interest her. Who knows, maybe she'll find something that really intersts her that she can get excited about.
stacy
I think you need to step up and be her mom and not just someone who's mad over this situation. I'm sorry to sound so harsh but I know you love her and you've just got to take control. And get to the bottom of this whole situation, it may be nothing more than lazyness and lack of personal pride in her body, but it may very well be more, and you need to get her talking.
#1 it is not okay to be 25 lbs overweight. Are you overweight too, if so you both need to get a total nutrition overhaul, I recommend Weight watchers....if you are not then she might need to see a nutritionist herself. And I would stop bringing food in the house that's making her fat.
#2 She showers daily, period. And make her a deal, with every five pounds she loses, you'll take her shopping for clothes she likes...help her with a better style.
#3 She may be depressed, I mean who wouldn't be with extra 25 LBS and not being clean and watching tv and computer all day, you might want to talk to a counselor that deals with teens and check on this.
#4 I think you need to arrange some work, babysitting, some way for her to make some $ and some way for her to get out of the house, it is not okay to sit home all day and watch TV and computer that is just so sedentary and bad for her. You need to get creative and come up with a plan for this, I'm sorry you work all day, but this is your daughter and she's in need of an adult to help.
#5 Make a list of what you expect chore wise and make sure she does it, including cleaning house...
Good luck
Ok so your daughter is overweight and won't shower.
Your dd sounds very much like my 17dd. I recently spelled it out for her in a letter. I told her that she stinks, her hair is greasy and smells, her breath is gross and she can't continue to put on heavier layers of perfume to disguise the fact that she hasn't showered all week - yes, ALL WEEK. Seriously, I have heard every excuse in the book. She is graduating on Saturday and has been like this for a few years. I literally have to take away all privileges and stand at the bathroom door with a towel to make her get in the shower. My limit is every other day - no excuses. I also explained to her that boys like girls who take care of themselves, are energetic, clean, smell nice and have nice breath....for years I told her that and she ignored me. She's finally listening and getting with the program. I took her for a really nice hair style and color and we went shopping and bought her all nice new clothes, that match with each other so no matter what she puts on, it matches. I went in her room when she was out and took away all the crappy old mismatched junky smelly clothes except her favorite sleep shirts or casual tanks. I thought she'd freak, but she has hardly noticed.
Stick with it, set up limits or a schedule and revamp her wardrobe - I hope it helps and best of luck!