College Applications

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
College Applications
3
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 11:41am

I'm not a parent of a teen, but the much older (10 years) sister of one. My mother has passed away and my youngest brother is 18. He's a good student (12th in his class at a private college oriented school) and has decent test scores. He wants to go to college but is completely dragging his feet on the applications. He hasn't done them because he was waiting for his test scores to come back..... Finally, my dad and I met with his guidance counselor today. He's been telling us that his applications are due Jan 1. One of them is due Nov 15 and the school he really wants to go to is due Dec 1. He now knows that we know this and that he needs to do the apps THIS WEEK. My dad means well but is terrible on follow through so my brother tends to do whatever it his he wants.

We have all talked with him repeatedly about the need to get these applications in, that we will assist with his essays, etc and we get "but I'm doing them" and then the spiel that he doesn't work well when pressured.

My dad may very well lose his house next year (there is money for college from our grandparents and my brother knows it, so that's not the issue) and he's aware that if he doesn't go to school he may have nowhere to live next year. His issues are entirely age appropriate, but I think I may have to lock the children I don't have yet in a closet for their teenage years.

How in the heck do I motivate him to do these applications?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 11:46am
I'm not sure that you CAN. Mostly what I want to say to you is how LUCKY your brother is to have such a loving big sis step in to fill the gap that your mom left behind. However, he's a big boy and if he won't listen to your advice - you have two choices. INSIST he do it and pretty much do it with/for him. (If he'll even let you - but then he might expect you to keep on "doing for him"), or remind him once, and then let him make the choice. If he screws up, he'll have to deal with the repercussions - and while I KNOW it is so hard to stand back and watch a loved one create their own train wreck, it WILL be a learning experience.
ps - LOL about your comment about locking up the children you don't have yet :-) And your dad sounds a lot like my husband...I do actually worry about how he'll manage with the kids if something ever happens to me. I can JUST SEE my responsible, focused older daughter and my wild, devil-may-care younger daughter in much the same situation you are in!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 12:28pm

I agree with sitting down and doing them with him-not the essay, of course ;)

It's like anything-cleaning a messy basement, etc. You just dont want to get started but once you do, you tend to keep going

And-not sure how much older you are-but you're probably more familiar with filling out forms and SSN and place of birth and all that stuff. For a 'newbie' that can be enough to make it daunting("I dont know where my SS card is")

Pick a time and just follow through with him!

The other thought, of course, is that he doesnt want to go to college but that this is the path everyone has just assumed he will follow and he has thoughts of his own. I'd do one application first and them maybe open that up for discussion-"this is what you're wanting to do, right?"

And, yes, he is sooo lucky to have you. DH did NOTHING with college info, apps, etc here either

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 11:00am
First you are a great sister. Sometimes I think they drag their feet because even though they want to go to college, as seniors they are terrified of leaving what they are so comfortable with behind and starting all over again. I know several of my friends have experienced this with their children, mostly boys. I guess it is a sort of denial that high school is ending. Alot of schools let you apply online, so if that is the case, you could sit down with him and do it on the computer. I know I did this with my son when I wanted him to apply to one more school (since he had only applied to 1) so he would at least have a choice. Essays were optional so he did not have to do one. Sometimes I think they see the application process as a committment on their part, so maybe try explaining that even though he may be accepted if he chooses not to attend that school it is ok, but at least he will be leaving himself some options. My DD told a really good male friend of hers last year (who was SO sure he did not want to attend college) to at least apply so that it would be his choice if he did not attend and not a lack of options. Good luck!