college drinking
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college drinking
| Sat, 07-07-2007 - 10:42am |
I'm the Mom of an 18 year old transitioning to college searching for good suggestions for underage drinking consequences/punishment to be enforced at home....

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Obviously if they are living away in a dorm there is very little you can do if they choose to go out drinking. If they are living at home you have a bit more control. I think the most important thing is to keep talking to them about it - stress that it is illegal for an 18yo to drink, that if they are at a party and the cops show up there's a good chance they will get taken in even if they aren't drinking, talk about the dangers of binge drinking, etc. But I think the most important thing to stress is to NEVER drive after they've had even one drink or get in a car with someone who has been drinking. If they are living at home make sure they know it's OK to call you any time. Don't make them so afraid of the consequences that they are afraid to call. One of the more creative consequences I've heard of for underage drinking is to get the teen up early the next morning and make them do a good deal of manual labor around the house/yard. Some college kids choose not to drink but I think the majority of kids try it to some extent. You also might want to check on the Parents of College Kids board (http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/main.asp?webtag=iv-psppcollege&nav=start) board for some other ideas/suggestions.
I am not 100% sure of your question.
If you are college searching and you are concerned about drinking/drugs on campuses, it is a good idea to do homework. Some colleges have more of an alcohol-dominated environment than others. In some dorms, the RAs keep kids from going overboard. In others, the RA provides the vodka.
Some of the college guide books talk about lower alcohol schools. Examples: Earlham, Swarthmore (with exceptions), Uni of Chicago (certain dorms),Brandeis, BYU, some say UCSD is a nerd school, Tufts (few frats), Calvin, Oberlin, Grove City, Pomona, Harvey Mudd, et cetera
There is going to be some drinking on any campus. What you want to assess is how dominant the drinking is to the social life of the campus. Ultimately, we'd want our kids to choose friends that are not heavy/binge drinkers.
Have you already been having problems with alcohol at home?
Are you thinking about punishments while at college or while living at home?
When they are in college, the time to "punish" is long gone. They are now at an age that they have to deal with the true consequences of their actions. It is also time that Mom and Dad step back and learn to treat their kids as the young adults they are now. Creative consequences? You will never know exactly what your kid will be up to in College unless you are hovering over them 24/7 and honestly, that will be the worse thing you can do.
So, you make sure your young adult child knows the laws concerning alcohol where you live.
You also make sure they are clear what are the direct consequences of drinking. For example, their marks will suffer. They can be kicked out of the residence. They could find themselves in trouble with the law. They could loose scholarships... And then you trust in how you have brought up your daughter and son. You also make it clear that,instead of punitive approach, you will be there to listen, to advise, to talk things over. And that you understand and remember what it was like to be there age,away from home for the first time.
Turn it around from a negative lecture of what you should not do to a positive chat to reinforce what they should be doing.
I agree.... Also, when my son left last fall for college, we were mailed a letter as his parents asking if we wanted to be notified if there were a violation for alcohol or drugs. Perhaps your university will also do that? My son does not drink or do drugs, but he has told me both are very prevalent on campus. He has also told me that the city police pretty much avoid campus leaving any violations to the campus police. Some universities are known as more of a party school than others, but I honestly believe alcohol and drugs are a part of every campus and whether a young person partakes is a decision they will have to make for themselves. One interesting note is that my son and his two best friends lived on campus their first year. The other two lived in the same dorm because they were accounting and engineering majors and the FIGS were in the same dorm. My son started out as a poly sci major (has since changed) so he was in a different dorm. His friend's dorm was a "drinking dorm" while in his the drug of choice was pot.... not sure why, but I found it sort of interesting. The three of them are moving off campus into an apartment this year.
Something else I have found interesting is that when my son was in HS, there were 6 boys who were always together... good kids... none drank or did drugs.....DS and one other boy were the "leaders" of this pack.... For college, 3 of them (DS, the other leader, and one other) went where my DS went... The other 3 went to another university together. The three where my son goes still don't party, drink, or do drugs, but the other 3 boys have become quite the partiers..... Again, I have no idea why exactly, but I think it is interesting.....
The college my daughter is going to be attending this Fall was billed as a dry campus...in other words, even if you are 21, you can't drink on campus. Sounds very nice, but the reality is that there IS alcohol there. I do know that one dorm is billed as substance free so if you are fortunate enough to have a child that that is very important to, they can request that dorm. I'm guessing, but I imagine most kids don't even think of requesting something like that. My son attends college in a big city, and the school he attends is known partly as a commuter school. Although there are dorms for kids to live in, I just think the rules over all are a bit looser. He used to tell me about kids being drunk as skunks in the dorm, and coming in at night and being sick in the halls. Geez....but I really do not think that is abnormal.
When I was in college, I drank....legally because the drinking age was 18, and although I did it legally I was still 18 and therefore, I did it stupidly too. I don't think it makes a great deal of difference what the legal age is because kids who want to drink, will.
Nancy
I hope I don't cause *too much* controversy but just remember I am Canadian and in my province the legal drinking age is 19. Also I was raised by Italian immigrant parents and our attitudes on drinking are a bit different.
To me the best lesson you can give your 18 year old is how to drink responsibly. The whole issue with college or underage drinking as you put it is that young people get carried away due to their (a) inexperience with alcohol and (b) a sort of glamourization of the substance due to its forbidden nature. Alcohol is like sex in a way -- constantly dangled in front of people as something for the adults only. And to young people on their way to adulthood it appears a way to assert their transition. And they get carried away.
In my family, as teens my sister and I were allowed to drink, at home, with the family. We were allowed wine with dinner (after all our parents WERE Italian) and we were allowed the occasional bottle of beer. If there was a special occasion, a liqueur or champagne was allowed under the watchful eye of our parents and family even if it was at a wedding. I only recall one or two occasions of a male cousin getting drunk even though under age but it happened very rarely.
So both of us grew up knowing how alcohol made us feel and tasted. It was also never glorified/glamourized for us. To this day, neither of us, although we went to our share of clubs and parties, ever came home drunk. I don't know if its because we were raised that way or not but I do think the fact that we did have access to alcohol and knew what our limits were and were comfortable with saying "no, thanks", because it really wasn't a big deal for us, did contribute to our common sense with drinking.
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