college expenses /working

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
college expenses /working
27
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 3:03pm

I am divorced & dealing with an issue with my ex about my daughter who is a freshman in college. He feels she should have worked full-time last summer & that giving her $50/mo is enough for her to pay for all extra expenses she incurs (that includes things like drugstore items, clothing, extra food, activities, all extra class fees-she had to have a background check, fingerprinting & computer program for example because of her major, car expenses, etc.) Whatever the $50 doesn't cover should come out of the money she got from her summer job.


She did work part-time but with other commitments and honestly lack of opportunity didn't work full-time. I don't think she should have been expected to either to be honest. I feel we should be helping with the extra class expenses, clothing, car, etc. as she is still only 18 & that we should gradually wean her off dependency on us not just cut her off at the knees because she turned 18 & graduated from high school. I view college as the transition time to full independence & adulthood and toward full-time employment when she graduates from there. It is causing ongoing issues between my ex & me. I also feel we should each do as we see fit.


Another point is that although we have a large portion of her school funding

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 3:51pm

I agree with you. Frankly, I don't understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 4:29pm

I am a single mom and my oldest is in college. His dad and I are court ordered to each pay half of the cost of college for room, board, tuition, and books. Last year when he lived in the dorm we did just that and our son supplied all his own money for extras..... toiletries, eating out, tickets for concerts, gas, etc. The way he did that was two fold. First he worked on work study as a tutor. Because he works at a local elem. school he never worked past 3:00. Most weeks he worked about 9 hours and he makes $9 an hour doing it. Last year in addition to that he also gave plasma on campus because it was an easy way to make extra money.


This year he is sharing an apartment with friends and it is cheaper than before. Because we are court ordered to pay for room and board, his dad and I share the rent, elec. and his groceries (all is a set amount). Other than that he works to pay for all the other extras. We are playing around with the idea of maybe putting an extra $50 a month into his account which would help him. Last year other than the college we paid for, I put $100 in his account one time and his dad put $50 in one time.


What expenses does she have other than tuition, room/board, and books. Does she not work while she goes to college? How much do you think you should each put in each month to help her out or are you wanting him to pay for it all? I wasn't clear on that since you said he thinks you should match what he does, but you feel you can't?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 4:59pm


Yes and no.

If she tried to find a full-time summer job and couldn't, that's a different story.

But we expect my kids to contribute to their education. Education comes first. My kid is paying for her food, her books, entertainment... We are paying her rent + the tuition not covered by her scholarships. The idea is that we cover the difference she was not able to save for, after she worked very hard over the summer. Her first commitment is to her education.

Why does your DD have a car? I have to admit I do find it strange that so many American parents think kids have to have cars. Most be due to the different culture but I would never think a getting my kid a car. And, if either of them had one, then they have the money to pay for their tuition. They take the bus.

As for your other question, I am with your ex. You are divorced and equal in your responsibility towards your daughter's education. Work out a sum that both of you can handle and that's it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 5:33pm

I cant speak to the divorce end of things although common sense tells me no one should be selling a home to pay for college-we are avoiding loans for our sons but we would not hesitate to go there if our finances changed. They have far more time to pull themselves out of debt and save for retirement than we do!

If your ex wants this kind of arrangement for dd, it is only fair he tell her ahead of time. IOW this sounds like a good plan for next year and she should make the necessary changes to find employment in the summer and SAVE a portion of her income for college expenses

However, it's rather pointless to be talking about what she SHOULD have done last summer. IMO he needs to bite the bullet and up the ante this time around

Gas is the biggie, of course. We gave our then freshman either 120 or 150 a month last year. He has a Jeep and we dont even want to discuss what a tank of gas costs for it! He did come home somewhat often at first(and who wants to discourage that)and had a GF at a different school to boot.

He did not feel what we gave him was enough but I wouldnt take that too seriously

He did, however, do two things differently. He actually SAVED money from the summer this time and he is working ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 6:36pm
My ex didn't want her to take her car BUT she is going to school 3 hours away from home. If I had to go get her on weekends to bring her home that would add 800 miles pr weekend to my car & I would spend at least 12-14 hours of my weekend just driving back & forth. Instead she can hop in the car & be home in 3 hours fromt he time class is over (shich means she is home earlier than if I gof when I get off work) & she can stay on Sunday until dinner is over whereas if I took her we would have to go in the mid afternoon so I could get home by 9 or 10 at night. Do you think he would ever do those runs? Not more than maybe once or twice I guarantee you. She also is in a very small community & there is next to nothing close to campus. Also she has off campus activities & commitments that she has to find transportation to & I prefer knowing that if she goes out with friends she can be the designated driver as she is very anti-drinking drugs etc. Is that enough reasons? I don't see a good reason why she shouldn't have her car when they don't charge them to have them on campus & I would still be paying insurance & having to maintain it anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 6:43pm
I'm selling my house as part of the final disposition of the divorce not because of the college. She is doing better already at budgeting her money & is arranging to work at her old job on weekends (like this one) when she is home so that she can get some extra spending money. She is planning to work over Thanksgiving & Christmas. All of those are by her doing not our urging. I would say that is a sign of her taking responsibility and recognizing the need to make more money. I'm proud of her for that. I just really feel that freshman year in particular is a big adjustment & she needs to concentrate on getting into the swing of it more than she needs to fret about who is paying for the toilet tissue this week.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 6:47pm

I'm laughing about his choice of $50 because he got $10/wk from his parents when he was in college 30 years ago & complained about that small amount & his parents were of much less means then he is and they had 4 other kids at home & here he is 30 years later giving her $12.50 a week!


Granted, I am giving her money too but from his standpoint alone that is just so telling of his out of touch view of the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 7:00pm

I am paying for all her extras now. I buy her clothes, extra food,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 9:35am
Then is your whole issue that he won't give her more than $50 a month for extras?
Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 9:57am
Sorry but you don't say what those other committements were that kept her from a full time job over the summer.

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