college expenses /working

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
college expenses /working
27
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 3:03pm

I am divorced & dealing with an issue with my ex about my daughter who is a freshman in college. He feels she should have worked full-time last summer & that giving her $50/mo is enough for her to pay for all extra expenses she incurs (that includes things like drugstore items, clothing, extra food, activities, all extra class fees-she had to have a background check, fingerprinting & computer program for example because of her major, car expenses, etc.) Whatever the $50 doesn't cover should come out of the money she got from her summer job.


She did work part-time but with other commitments and honestly lack of opportunity didn't work full-time. I don't think she should have been expected to either to be honest. I feel we should be helping with the extra class expenses, clothing, car, etc. as she is still only 18 & that we should gradually wean her off dependency on us not just cut her off at the knees because she turned 18 & graduated from high school. I view college as the transition time to full independence & adulthood and toward full-time employment when she graduates from there. It is causing ongoing issues between my ex & me. I also feel we should each do as we see fit.


Another point is that although we have a large portion of her school funding

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 8:53pm
Thanks & thanks for your support. He really is essentially clueless what is going on in her day to day life so I feel I am a pretty good judge of what is best for her. I've been on my own for several years with her and she seems to be turning out a lot better than a lot of other kids out there. I must be doing something right. It's just hard when he starts stirring up drama over it all. Several other people who know him feel he isn't really happy in his new relationship so he has to take it out on me so he doesn't take it out on her. I don't give that relationship very long. Our dd isn't happy with her dad because he has repeatedly picked gf over dd. But that's another issue...thanks again-
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 8:45am
Like I said we come from different cultures. The longer I frequent these boards, the more I realize that there are profound differences between our countries. A kid not having a car would never be considered a punishment here. It's just life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 9:10am


Then it is time perhaps that the people in your town and State start agitating for better
public transportation system. There will never be a taxi service or good public transportation system as long as households have multiple cars. Even my country (which has a significant much larger land mass than yours with 1/10th the population) has a inter-city/town bus and a rail service. Is there not train service? You can do homework & read on the train/bus,for know.

Sorry but, again, I have to chalk it down to different cultures. I am glad I live where I do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 10:20am

We have that same issue here..... that Dad is basically clueless..... and he is so absorbed with his wife who was the OW and her grown kids that he really doesn't have much time for ours. It is sad and it does a number on them, but it is then up to us to help them see that it isn't them(the child) who bears any responsibility for what their dad does or chooses.


The drama stiring, I get. I have had that done, too. We had one time when DS's car was wrecked, his dad wanted to fix it and months went buy and he hadn't fixed it. We were one month away from his leaving for college 4 hrs away so I called him and told him I would pay the diff in insurance prem to just get it fixed right. He said okay that sounded good etc. I had even offered for his wife to be part of the discussion and she refused as usual. BUT then he got home, she got on him and turned him around to where the next day he called me cursing and how I and DS were never happy with anything etc.... and on and on... Can we say CRAZY!@!!!! I just came to a point to where I really don't care what either of them think or do.... but it is still hard on my girls who are 16 and 12.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 10:22am
I have never lived anywhere where there was bus service, train service, or taxis and don't really care to. Here turning 16 is something the kids really look forward to and is a rite of passage..... and there is nothing wrong with that. I don't see public transportation as a need in my town or life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 10:43am

Here the most public transportation is in teh largest cities. We have visited New York and Washington DC and loved the public transit. If it didnt cost an arm and a leg to live there, we would be considering them for retirement-the convenience is awesome and, realistically, safer for when folks hit their golden years

My 92 yr old MIL driving sends shivers down my spine. But for her to move to an area with public transit would be cost prohibitive. Financially, she really has little choice but to live in her mortgage paid home in rural IN(my SIL does most the driving but she still drives herself to church and does errands)

There is bus service in the town I live in(paid for by 2 towns next to each other with combined population at 100,000 plus)but it tends to be used by two groups-college students and the poor. So, yep, we also have a stigma going on in this country. My subdivision, on the outskirts on the city, is currently involved in legal action to stop the bus system from annexing us. We dont want the taxes for something we wont use. Everyone here has vehicles and, in fact, we have mostly 3 car garages(the elite subdivision down the road has some homes with 6 garages)

I enjoy hearing about the cultural differences and wish I could better understand the financial end of things. DH actually interviewed for a job up in Canada-he hasnt heard and, obviously, that would be a huge leap I dont think we would actually take but he wanted to feel it out. One ex USA employee said the taxes are higher but when you add in what we here pay for health insurance, it's about the same.

He never said anything about the transportation end of things

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 12:46pm

no, the east coast has train service but not from her school area to where we live-we are not set up that way- everyone depends on their own transportation unless they live in the heart of someplace like NYC then many don't have cars & depend on public transport


I have a disabled daughter living at home with me who does not drive & she depends on public subsidized transport to get to & from work. If she worked in the county she would use a county run "demand" bus service (it has a small fixed route but also will take people from one location to another within the county with advance notice)

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