College - Motivation

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
College - Motivation
24
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 4:17pm

I see alot of posts regarding parental worry that teens will not get into universities based on grades, etc. Alot of pushing the kids in that direction, and I'm wondering whether this comes from: the kids or the parents. What is the motivation for your kids to go to college? Are they motivated by you, specific career goals, or just lack of anything else they can think of?

The reason I ask is that in my area, I see the pendulum clearly swinging the other way. No longer does a college degree guarantee more money. In fact, dh worked very hard while working full time to obtain his degree, but he makes a lot less money than his software engineer counterparts, most of whom do not have any degree at all. I've spoken with other parents about this and the general propensity among us is, "let's not tell the kids about this." There are alot of other jobs that do not require a university degree and can have great money potential: plumber, broker/realtor, ultrasound technician. Obviously, they require trade school but not college degrees. Increasingly, university costs are becoming prohibitive and let's face it, if the monetary rewards are not going to be there (examples: teachers, and some PhD's!) how can you justify the cost?

Opinions please: do you insist on college, and if so why?

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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 9:50am

The only thing I insist on is that my dds' use thier natural talents and abilities to pursue a dream, whether that be through a college degree, a tech school certification, or as an apprentice, it doesn't matter to me. Above all, I want them to be happy and able to support themselves one day.

I don't want to waste my time and money researching for the 'best' schools and pour money into insuring they get that college degree only to have them go off and do something completely unrelated to anything they've studied, or worse, be unhappy in what they do for a living.

My 18dd is soon leaving for college - she is attending the Culinary Institute of America - supposedly one of the most world reknowned culinary institutes. She's always been interested in baking and pastry arts; she's going to be working towards a bachelors in that area. We're paying for her first year - she will need to work her butt off so she can return for 2 more years (the bachelors degree program is 38 months straight - no breaks). They have an extremely difficult and rigorous program and she knows this. She easily could have gone to a local or less rigorous culinary school, but she wouldn't have earned a bachelors and she has been visiting the CIA since she was 14. It is her passion and dream. My H tried to steer her to another Liberal Arts college that has a culinary program, but she refused. His ideology was that she would get a liberal arts degree and then if she lost interest in culinary, she could fall back on that, which I agree with to some extent. However, dd has always been in the kitchen, the kid watches the food network most of the time while her friends are all watching MTV. She invents recipes and creates amazing desserts - baking and pastry arts is definitely her forte. Rather than doubt her, I want to encourage her to follow her dream.

My DD16 has always been a mixed bag when it comes to interests. Her steadfast interest, however, has been art, i.e., drawing, sketching. She ultimately would love to learn tattoo art. She has taken some art classes and is also interested in skin care. She is looking into attending the New York Beauty School, which teaches skin care, nail art, and permanent makeup, which is essentially tattoo work. I am okay with this. I will help her out if this is what she decides on. She is not university material; she has a very hard time with managing and prioritizing her time, and she would get too caught up in the social aspects of college life and possibly fail her classes, thus pouring my money down the drain. I think she is better served learning a skill, or several skills, that will help her support herself over the course of her life instead. We've always discussed tech schools as a viable option for her and she's okay with it. She has no interest in going away to a university. We have lots of family in NY, so she'd have a place to live for basically nothing too!

I don't believe in 'pushing' your kids in any direction. Instead, I belive in helping them find thier true passion, interests, talents and then figuring out what to do with them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 10:10am

I guess we always assumed the boys would go to college.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 11:22am

I posted earlier regarding having the similar situation as worried mom with the apathetic student. I have concerns regarding my son excelling in college when he is coasting right now in high school. I always expected that my children would go to college, but I am, too, having doubts that it makes sense for an unmotivated child. I can see both sides, go to at least GET a degree so you can say you have one, or don't push it. I have the fear that many parents have that my children would not have flexibility or earning capacity without the degree. I sometimes wonder if it would be better to not push it if the child isn't motivated, with the idea in a few years they can go when they have grown up more and figured out better what they want to do.

My oldest excelled in school, and earned a full tuition scholarship to a private school with a good reputation. He knew what he wanted to do since he was 12, and followed that path (computers). He's not necessarily happy where he is right now, but earns a good salary. He loves what he is doing, and I think, does it well, just not necessarily the culture where he is.

The 2nd also excelled but took a different path. He was not outwardly competitive and did not want the attention that goes with valedictorian, etc. No scholarship, but went to university, major student loans, and got a degree in philosophy. He fits that mold, and is very social conscious, but has not found a job or position that fits him. Now he is wondering what he can do with his degree, and can't afford to continue in school for his masters. I think he would be a great teacher, but he is still figuring out who he is right now. By the way, he is also in Canada, as a US citizen, and attended school there, so he was unable to receive scholarships he may have won at a US university (he got excellent grades in grade and high school, and did well in college.)

My 3rd is only a sophomore in high school and I am concerned because he is such an unwilling student.

My step son was a similar aphetic student and is now a senior in college and has been pretty much an apathetic student in college, still doesn't know what he wants to do, but thinks he can buy a suit and that will get him a job after he graduates.

My step daughter focused very little on college, but is very intelligent. She has her degree and is not using it at all and is working as a supervisor in a factory. She is a great worker, but wants to start at the top and has been taken in by unrealistic expectations and potential earnings (over $100,000 a year as a "head-hunter", etc.) She has had 4 jobs over the last 2 years, 3 of them in about a 3 month period. She definitely has the work ethic and ability to do well just about anywhere, if she can become more realistic to where she can start on the wage scale and worry less about impressing people. (Her degree was political science. She wants to get her master’s.)

The children that seem to be doing the best, based on my limited experience with my own children are the ones who knew what they wanted to do, worked for it, and followed a plan. This includes my step daughter's husband (my son in law) who took the college path with finance and is doing great in a position with an accounting firm.

I guess I don’t know the answer either. I too, just want them all to be happy, and earn enough to support themselves according to the lifestyle they choose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 11:52am

I saw my ex-SIL this weekend, who has 2 boys, ages 19 & 20. The younger one barely graduated from high school, but now is going to a local college and he is enjoying it. I forgot to ask her what he is studying.

The older one started college, but dropped out w/o even completing the 1st semester. If it were my kid, I would have encouraged him to complete the semester since I know it's a big adjustment to go to college. When I started law school, I really wanted to quit because it was so hard, and even in college, I thought it was pretty easy to get A's. I stuck it out because I couldn't get my money back, then since all the 1st year courses were a whole year long, I thought I should stay til the end, then I passed and heard that the 2nd year was easier, etc. So I did end up graduating and have been a lawyer for over 20 yrs.

Anyway, back to my nephew. He really doesn't know what he wants to do. Right now he's unemployed and looking for work. His parents are divorce and his father isn't too helpful. He was just glad he could stop paying child support. His father is an elevator mechanic and believe me makes a lot more than I do. The boy might want to go into that, but has to wait for something to open up w/ the training program. He had thought about being an auto mechanic, but I don't know what happened to that. That's another career which doesn't require a degree, but they can make really good money. He might like to go into the service, but didn't pass the physical since he has asthma. I feel bad because he is a really nice kid, but just floundering right now cause he doesn't know what to do.

I know a lot of people are trying to convince my DD that she shouldn't go into nursing, but at least she has something in mind. She might decide she doesn't like it, but then a lot of people change careers. At least she has a direction. (When she was little, she wanted to be a limo driver or a cashier in the grocery store. Then when she got old enought to actually work in the grocery store, forget it--they have to memorize too many things.)

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