'Come Get Me' Code for Teens

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
'Come Get Me' Code for Teens
12
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 11:22am

Do you have a 'Come Get Me' Code with your teens? A special phrase or key word that your teens can say as part of a normal conversation that says to you 'Come get me! I'm in over my head and/or in an uncomfortable situation!'?

DH came up with a way for DD or DS could let us know in an 'I need to check-in with my parents' sort of way that would let us know they were in a spot they needed to get out of. It is actually pretty clever in that no one listening in on the conversation would realize or know that they were really sending out an SOS.

If DH or I hears that 'key phrase' as a part of the 'checking-in' convo, our response is " We hate to ruin your fun, BUT something has come up and we're coming to get you -- right now".

This was prompted by a situation with DS last weekend and made to think of again when reading Sue's 'Sweet 16' post.

Just wondered if anyone else does something like this.

 

 

 

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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 11:30am

We used to but since dd17 is usually grounded these days, we have no need! LOL - I have to laugh or else I will cry.

Our phrase was "No, mom, I don't want to come home!" hahah- and that's when I knew that she was playing the "my mom is making me come home" card.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 12:08pm

This is a great idea! I'll talk with L about this tonight.

Thanks!!

Sue

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Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 12:33pm

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Awww ... I'm sorry to hear things haven't improved much with you and your DD. I hope they do soon.

Julie

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 12:36pm

You're welcome! I have to say I was mighty impressed that DH came up with this all on his own. For so long, I thought I was the one shouldering the 'worry' burden!

I'll be waiting to hear how the party goes ...

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 2:20pm

We don't have an established code, but that's a good idea.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 2:24pm
Julie, thanks. I have a meeting with the director at her school to see if she will graduate in June. Right now, I can't see how as she's failed so many of classes this year so far. I am the first person to say that not all kids are academic, but dd is smart enough to at least pass her classes, if not pull all A's (really!) but she just doesn't seem to care about much else besides working and talking on the phone. I've tried all motivators, but nothing works for long. I truly am at a loss now. Thanks for the thoughts~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 4:56pm

I think it's great that she does care about her job! At least that is 'something' she feels good about about.

FWIW, my DH (one of those annoying 'smart' people) didn't do well in school either. Quite simply, he just didn't like it. Didn't sit well with either one of his PhD', career high school teacher parents, I tell you.

He somehow managed to leave school in January of his senior year -- with full credits, I believe. Grades were not nearly up to his 'potential', but close enough to passing. After less than a year in a vocational school, he started working and has been successful at his chosen vocation ever since.

I'm guessing your DD is a senior? Would this be an option for her?

I am already prepared for to happen with my DS -- he is so much like DH in this respect, it's scary!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 6:23pm

I can imagine how difficult this is for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 11:55pm

I have definitely gotten to the "let go and let him fail" point...hardest thing I've had to do so far (although actually throwing him out of the house may be harder).

It's March - he's a smart kid - there are THREE months left in the school year. All he has to do is show up, do a MINIMUM of work, and he will pass everything and graduate.

I don't have the energy to deal with it anymore, and I don't have the energy to deal with the school anymore (who is as anxious to get him out as I am). I just wake him up every day - put him out the door - and remind myself that it's one day closer to graduation...at this point, with 60 or so days of school left, I'm actually starting a countdown like a 5 year old waiting for Santa Claus..."look, you made it another day - only 59 more and you're DONE!"

Good luck to you - maybe we should throw OURSELVES a graduation party!

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 9:21am

Yes, Marie, BTDT with the fighting the school district, advocating for dd, calling meetings, making a zillion phone calls, etc. I did it since dd was in 5th grade (first indicators of LD). It was not, IS not, easy! I still help her advocate for herself - the problem is that she was beginning to advocate for herself but then just gave up, dropped the ball. I can't pinpoint the exact moment when she gave up, but I know it was within the last 12 months. But I digress...

I hope things go well for you with your son. At times, taking on the BOE can seem very daunting, but if you make even a small bit of progress, it's worth the effort. Really. I have had some very satisfying moments over the years working with certain teachers, children's advocates, and even the BOE administration. Surprising I know, but life is full of surprises. In fact, I received a message last evening from the local HS that it's time for our annual PPT/IEP meeting in April. At that time, dd will be removed from special ed and will instead qualify for a Section 504 (similar to SE, but not quite the same). Apparently, they make this routine change in the special ed student's senior year so the student has more opportunities at applying for colleges. Since I don't foresee that as being an immediate issue for dd, I'm not so concerned either way.

Thank goodness your son is popular among his peers - that IS a help. My dd was popular among her peers, but due to her own inhibitions, paranoia and OCD behaviors, she isolated herself - she backed away from invitations and chose to run with the bottom of the barrel kids as it was less demanding of her! If she at least was surrounded by other kids who were working towards good grades, staying involved in school activities and who were supportive of one another, I think things may have gone differently, but dd chose to separate herself from those kids. It was heartbreaking to watch, as these great kids would call and invite her out and she'd say no until they finally stopped calling.

I think dd will eventually mature and grow up to be a responsible adult - I think she will always have some social issues, but I think she will do allright. I just think this is who she is and needs to learn the hard way.

Best of luck with yours~

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