Concerned dd is withdrawing from friends
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| Sun, 03-12-2006 - 8:18am |
My dd - 14 - has always been a social butterfly. She has many different groups of friends - soccer friends, church friends - school friends - camp friends - etc. and has always spread her time among the different groups - never really getting tight with any one particular group. She has one close friend (her best friend) and they talk daily at school or on the phone and do something together about every other weekend.
Recently - the past month - she seems to be withdrawing from doing anything with any group and I have to really encourage her to call her best friend. I've talked with her about what might be going on - did something happen - etc., but she tells me she is fine and just doesn't feel like doing anything right now. I told her I'm afraid that her withdrawing like this will cause her some problems as she enters high school next year if she doesn't keep in touch with her friends -but she doesn't seem concerned.
In the past she's always been a huge IM person too - talking for hours online with friends - but she hasn't logged on to IM in a few weeks now. That's not necessarily a bad thing, I know - but it just adds to my concern over what could be happening.
Now, she is very busy with indoor soccer and she has a part in the school play which demands quite a bit of her time. She recently broke up with her first serious boyfriend but seems fine about that.
Otherwise, she's upbeat, does well in school and as I said above, she doesn't seem concerned at all.
Maybe it's a phase - but it concerns me.
Any insight?
Thanks!
Maggie

I'd be inclined to chalk it up to her being busy at this point. Keep an eye on her for any signs of depression - changes in eating or sleeping patterns, changes in greades, etc. She might just need a break. Best of luck to you..
jt
My 13 year old dd is doing the same thing and she tells me she is just so tired from all the school stuff and likes to relax and do her own thing after school (the rare times she has no homework) and on the weekends. The reason I don't worry too much about it is that I did the same exact thing when I was a kid and it lasted till I was in 10th grade and I wasn't depressed or sad or lonely I just liked being a loner. I was socially fine at school, but at home I just wanted to decompress and not want to deal w/teenage drama. I know it sounds weird. But by the time I was in 10th grade my mom had to beg me to stay home and not go out w/my friends and that lasted till I moved out. The same thing happened w/my son and his lasted till 9th grade and now he's in 11th and I have to ground him just to see him!
As long as she doesn't seem unhappy or depressed and seems healthy I would just think this may be a stage she is going thru. But just make sure to keep communication open. But I think she will snap out in a couple years or so. Good Luck
The summer after 8th grade my dd was out with friends all the time. There was always something happening, this continued during 9th grade. This past summer, between 9th and 10th, she did absolutely nothing with her friends. I, too, was really worried about the change and talked to her about it. Her response was that she just wanted to spend time with family. She was in a summer bowling league and did a lot of family things with us, but never asked to have her friends along. If we did something with another family she had a great time. When she went back to school, she got right back into the swing of things, all the teen drama etc and it still goes on. She is back to being a social butterfly. Guess she just needed a break and some down time. I would keep an eye on your dd and keep the communication open, but unless she seems really sad, stops taking care of herself etc. don't be too worried. The teen treadmill goes pretty fast sometimes and they need to take a break so they don't get overloaded.
Kristie
I agree with what most of the posters said ie if she is otherwise doing fine, she's upbeat, her grades aren't slipping, she's eating/sleeping as she always did ... then don't worry too much about it. She's just trying to find herself. Think about it this way -- there were probably alot of superficial, "fun" relationships with all these various groups. Maybe she just wasn't getting much out of them and needs a break. Sometimes that's a good thing esp given how groups and friends can influence a person. She also just broke up with a boyfriend and is feeling reflective. Again, that's okay.
I'm a very outgoing person myself and when my daughter acts quiet or shy I often don't "get it". But I've come to learn that's just who she is and she's finding her personal happiness in a different way and a different speed than I did.
Maggie..(I've always liked that name. We almost named DD, but DW vetoed).
Anyway.. Here's just an idea that may or may not be way off base.
It seems at 14, everything is... "The Group."
Boyfriends and girlfriends are scrutinized, evaluated and either given a stamp of approval or disapproval by....The Group.
If she recently broke up with her BF, and BF was a member of....The Group, that just may be creating some awkwardness that she wants to distance herself from, at least temporarily.
Sounds like she's happy and active. I wouldn't be too concerned about this.