Confused here.....
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Confused here.....
| Sun, 09-16-2007 - 8:57pm |
Ever since my kids were old enough to recognize differences in people I have worked to teach them that the color of a person's skin bears no more importance in who they really are than the color of one's eyes or hair.

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My nephew fell in love with, and eventually married, a woman 11 years older than him. At the time, it was like 20 and 31?
My brother and SIL are STILL in the 60s, right down to my brothers hairstyle-lol-but this threw them as well. Then, a few months down the road, SIL said "Well, we DID raise them to see people as individuals regardless of race, appearance or age!"
So, that tells me that there is bound to be an adjustment period, even among the most liberal and open minded. I have said before that I had to adjust to DS1's GF's weight-and I felt awful for feeling what I was feeling! Judgmental. Hypocritical.
I dont recall consciously picturing my future DIL but I suspect she was Caucasian and a size 4, KWIM? An ethnic or weight variation was 'different'. I adjusted and am fine with the GF now and I imagine the same would have occurred had she been Indian, Asian, or African American
I wish I could be as positive about famly members. DH's sister has essentially disowned her DD for marrying a black man. It came more from her current husband(not the girls dad)who is VERY racist-but...she has chosen to go along
OTOH, my 93 yr old MIL welcomed the man with open arms. I never would have suspected!
But it only takes one party pooper to spoil family gatherings. It has put a damper
on Thanksgiving and Xmas because we have to choose who to invite, knowing some wont come if the other come-sighhh....
Rose,
I think your worry is normal. Doesn't sound to me like you are the one with a problem, from what you have said you have accepted K like any other person J could have brought home. You don't sound like you are having a problem with her being of color, but are afraid of the ones you
In a small community, there will be stares. We experienced it in 1973 when I brought my bf (now DH) home from college for Thanksgiving, to Manitowoc. The first thing my mom said to me when she got me alone was, "He's darker than I expected." And DH (from India) is darker than many blacks. It was weird for me, cuz I never thought of him as darker, but simply as a foreigner. When we went out in the city of 30,000, boy did people stare. The city is much more diverse now with many Spanish-speaking, Vietnamese and blacks.
If DH and I handled it okay back in 1973, I'm sure your J and K will do fine with the stares in 2007. When you're in love, nothing else matters, ya know? As for how to deal with any comments/stares coming from bigots? IGNORE, be glad you're not like them, and be proud that you raised color-blind children!
How nice that you have two of your sons home at the same time. Enjoy this special time together!
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
It's bothering you because you love your ds and really like his g/f, and you don't want
I have one more comment, I would not "warn" people that K is black. To me this is giving them the impression that you needed to do just that, warn them, and it looks like you don't approve.
My mom's cousin returned to the area after years of being out of the area and not in touch with the family. She came with her daughter who was married and has children. I asked about her husband and children, if she had pictures etc. She didn't, later I found out that her dh was black and her mom didn't want any of us to know. She was a bit upset and thought we all might not "approve" or whatever. None of us cared a bit and once we were warned we thought there was going to be something bad about this guy. Liek they were warning us that he was a sex offender or something and her kids were some kind of thugs. WRONG! He was one of the nicest guys I have ever known and her kids are dolls.
I would just leave it alone and not say anything about her race, I really think it will give them the impression that you are ashamed or something.
JMHO!
I don't know if this helps at all.
Rose, I think what you are feeling is 'normal' too...
Thank you all for your input, it's really helped clarify some things for me.
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