Cousin causing probs?

Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Cousin causing probs?
23
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 5:51pm

fghjk




Edited 2/19/2008 6:02 pm ET by kel7col4



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Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 9:27pm

EWWWW don't you just hate people like her and her mom who can't see what is in front of her face? I wouldn't put up with all the problems she is causing. Maybe one of you should call her on something one of these days. Or is everything done in such a manner that it would make y'all look like you are being petty?


Some day she will get hers, what goes around comes around!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 11:53pm

All I can say is stay strong and keep "taking the high road".

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 10:12am
My guess is that the cousin is very jealous of DD, and this crappy behavior is her way of showing it.
Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 11:32am

fghjk




Edited 2/19/2008 6:02 pm ET by kel7col4



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 11:38am

I would expect a sophomore to be snobby to a freshman, family relation or not

It IS high school!

Personally, I would laugh and blow it off as exactly that. "Oh, you know how silly high schoolers are about this stuff. "

And not get caught up in discussing it or even defending DD. Keep making the 'silly high school stuff' comment in an attempt to get EVERYONE to lighten up.

This isn't about how these two will relate at 28 and 29, after all. Your family is taking it way too seriously as if this means the family will disintegrate or something-LOL

Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 11:57am

ghjkl




Edited 2/19/2008 6:02 pm ET by kel7col4



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 12:33pm

Its tough because of how close they are in age, Im sure. They end up 'competing' even if they dont want to

DHs nieces are a year apart(they are significantly older than our kids)I was shocked at the comparisons family members made and felt 'obligated' to take sides. I went for the underdog, of course-that's me!

But all I can suggest, based on that, is to steer conversation away from the type of accomplishments dd would get accolades for. If she deserves them, choose another venue, perhaps at a smaller gathering of family without this cousin

In DHs family, Denise was outgoing and a bit of a pistol. Debbie was shy and didn't feel comfortable in extracurricular activities. The favoritism was blatant and drove me crazy!! I was told it was 'natural' to prefer the child who does things over the one who doesnt.

Debbie has disassociated herself from the family on the advice of her psychologist. She has survived two suicide attempts and self committed herself for in patient care a few other times

It can be devastating and I have battled this with DHs family and even DH over the years. My middle son is everyone's favorite. My MIL happily announces this at family dinners!

It's bad for all concerned. This IS impacting dd's cousin too although I know that's hard to see.

It's no fun having the pressure of being the favored child on your head either cause when you screw up, it's a long fall from that pedestal.

All I can suggest is to keep conversation away from anything that can be a set up for comparison and yes, bend over backwards to be nice to this girl. At least when you are stressed out, you can chant "I took the high road" over and over

It's tough, I know. Their life is their activities, school work, and boys. Maybe you need to attend every other family get together for awhile? Sometimes the more you see people the harder it is to come up with topices to discuss.

Try being busy next gathering-who knows? Might have pleasant fall out

FWIW, I think this is what one would expect having family members in that close of proximity attending the same schools. Its almost like siblings. I dont think you or your family are problematic. I think it is like this everywhere but on TV. We are a competitive society about our kids. How many posts do you see on IVillage where someone is trashing her sisters kids? A lot! One in Dear Abby just the other day.

Seriously, how often do you hear. "My niece and nephew are such wonderful, respectful teens. I wish my kids could me like them" NOT!!!!

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 12:45pm

I am curious...

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Registered: 07-19-2003
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 1:03pm
Okay if it were me, I would take "mom" aside, privately, preferably NOT at the function and tell her that you don't appreciate your dd being blamed for starting every incident; that it takes two people and two sides to create an argument and that if she can't stay out of it between the girls that she should tell HER dd to stay out of your dd's way.
Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 1:20pm

cvghjk




Edited 2/19/2008 6:03 pm ET by kel7col4



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