crazy, dd whats to do cyber school!!!
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crazy, dd whats to do cyber school!!!
| Mon, 08-28-2006 - 11:00pm |
I am going crazy. school starts in 2 days and dd has been seriously stressing us and herself out and wants to go to cyber school. she is 15, going into the 10th grade and says she wants this badly. i know my daughter is a social butterfly and she needs to be w/her friends in school. it's crazy. she is insisting and is extremely upset. i know one of her major problems is her weight. she is 5'1" and weights 130 lbs. i told her she looks fine and she should not let this affect her. she is a 36 C so she is well proportioned. her thighs are a little thick but it's really not an issue but it is w/her. i can understand it but i need her in school w/other kids and in a structured inviornment. another problem she has and has had every year for the first day of school is her last name. she hates it. and says kids chuckel when her last name is read in the class room. this too shall pass. kids are older now and the teachers may not know how to pronounce it so she can correct them and give the pronuciation she wants. it's making me sick to my stomach. she is very insistant on this. she say she is tired of the drama in school, drugs and sex and alcohol. (she may be throwing this in the try and make a difference) say we are luckey she doesn't do any of that and we should be greatful and let her try this and be happy. anyone out there w/some good advice? sick over it.

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It sounds like your DD has a serious case of back-to-school jitters. My DD (same age, same grade) has been going through this in a milder way. The other night she said "I get so stressed when I have to talk to someone who I don't get along with that well. In the summer I only had to talk to my good friends. On the first day of school I may just get so stressed I'll fall on the floor" I squeezed her hand and said "and then 'Ig' (her bff) will hold your hand and you'll be fine" and she said "Yeah, you're right"
Talk to your DD about how to cope with that first day/week. Help her figure out how to manage the stress. Her name, her weight, whatever else, won't change in the next two days, but how she deals with it can change.
Maybe make a deal with her that she can give it a few weeks, and if she's still really unhappy you can look at alternatives with her. I wouldn't commit to cyber-school right off the bat, but be open to talking about her options.
(((HUGS)))
Sue
My DS (7th grade) does this regularly with me. Like your DD, he is quite social but he dislikes school intensely. With him, however, whenever he has an off day -- his feelings get hurt, didn't get the grade/part/award, etc., he feels and/or thinks he deserves -- he wants to home school.
Because he is very bright and bored out of his mind at school, I did seriously consider this for him, but realized it was just not the right thing for either one of us!
What I did, and you can try this with your DD, is to tell him that it was going to take me some time to get organized, look at curriculum, etc., so he would have to attend school for at least the first semester, end of quarter, until next school year, whatever time-frame coincided with that particular time in the school year, but we could start at the next quarter, semester, year ... whatever the case may be.
He could see how this made sense and of course by the next week, when things smoothed out, he had changed his mind.
If it were me, I'd tell your DD that it is just too short notice to try and make all the arrangements necessary to pull cyber-school together. Tell her because it is the law that she is enrolled in school, she must go to school on the first day, give it her best effort to make it work, but if by the end of the 1st quarter or semester, you can talk about it again. I would venture a guess that by the time that deadline rolls around, your DD will be entrenched in school and activities and won't want to leave school and her friends.
Of course if that isn't the case, however, then you should hold up your end of the deal. Perhaps there is a smaller charter school in your area that would work better for her? Where we are, there are several 'private' schools that are little more than a school-like facility utilizing home-school curriculum and parent proctors.
Hope this helps.
Your DD sounds pretty irrational about this, scared beyond just the normal first-day-of-school jitters. Have you asked her exactly what has put her off about school?
Just a thought, albeit, one that's a bit far out there ... does your DD spend a lot of time on-line -- IMing, MySpace, e-mail, etc.? If I were you, I think I'd be tempted to log onto myspace (if she has an account) and see what sort of messages are being posted to her. Could be she is being 'cyber-bullied' by someone at school and is afraid to face them tomorrow, and embarrased to tell you. Or if you have IM monitoring software, you could check the transcripts and see whats' up, same thing for e-mails.
I know it's a bit of a stretch, but in this day and age, you just never know.
Edited 8/29/2006 5:51 pm ET by hydrangea_blue
Okay, well, I still feel that whatever is bothering her goes beyond just her appearance. It just seems too irrational to me to have such a switch in such a short time, and I'd be trying everything under the sun to find out what it is.
Are there any other alternatives to cyber school in your area? I mentioned in a previous post exploring charter schools, or private schools that are basically home schooling with parent proctors using home school curriculum.
Still, school does start tomorrow! Maybe you can compromise with her by saying that there is just not enough time to make the change at this point and time and that you will consider alternate education AFTER she spends at least one quarter in her current school, and IF it doesn't go well you will talk more about it. You will have plenty of time to research and explore other options for her in the next 9-10 weeks and tell her you will do it TOGETHER so you both can find and agree upon the right place for her. She may feel a little more in control that way.
Sorry, I don't know what else to suggest. I hope you get to the bottom of her fears by tomorrow. Keep us posted.
OK, never been through this one but Im going to throw out a parallel situation from the days when they were tiny(oh, how wonderful and easy they seem now)
I taught Montessori preschool for a long time and the parents who had the most successful separations were the ones who gave their kid a hug and confidently said "bye-see you in a few hours' and walked away without turning back.
I always sent out a notice telling parents that the best way to show their kids that it would be okay was to act like they believed it themselves with words and body language. I didnt care if they bawled their eyes out in the car-they were to have 'this is a great place and Im confident in leaving you here' oozing from every pore when they dropped the kid off
Lo and behold, Supernanny was on last night and suggested the exact same thing
I know dd's a teen now but it seems the more you fret over this with her, the more you suggest there IS something to worry about in terms of her weight or her name.
It seems cruel to dismiss her worries but this late in the game? I'd go with "Im confident you will have a wonderful day' oozing from every pore as you drop her off.
Give her a few choices-take the bus or get a ride? Sack lunch or cafeteria? Lets go out to dinner to celebrate your first day. Whatever works but ooze confidence.
Cyberschool? It simply isnt a 24 hour decision. Dont let her throw you
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