crazy, dd whats to do cyber school!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
crazy, dd whats to do cyber school!!!
27
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 11:00pm
I am going crazy. school starts in 2 days and dd has been seriously stressing us and herself out and wants to go to cyber school. she is 15, going into the 10th grade and says she wants this badly. i know my daughter is a social butterfly and she needs to be w/her friends in school. it's crazy. she is insisting and is extremely upset. i know one of her major problems is her weight. she is 5'1" and weights 130 lbs. i told her she looks fine and she should not let this affect her. she is a 36 C so she is well proportioned. her thighs are a little thick but it's really not an issue but it is w/her. i can understand it but i need her in school w/other kids and in a structured inviornment. another problem she has and has had every year for the first day of school is her last name. she hates it. and says kids chuckel when her last name is read in the class room. this too shall pass. kids are older now and the teachers may not know how to pronounce it so she can correct them and give the pronuciation she wants. it's making me sick to my stomach. she is very insistant on this. she say she is tired of the drama in school, drugs and sex and alcohol. (she may be throwing this in the try and make a difference) say we are luckey she doesn't do any of that and we should be greatful and let her try this and be happy. anyone out there w/some good advice? sick over it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 7:21am

It sounds like your DD has a serious case of back-to-school jitters. My DD (same age, same grade) has been going through this in a milder way. The other night she said "I get so stressed when I have to talk to someone who I don't get along with that well. In the summer I only had to talk to my good friends. On the first day of school I may just get so stressed I'll fall on the floor" I squeezed her hand and said "and then 'Ig' (her bff) will hold your hand and you'll be fine" and she said "Yeah, you're right"

Talk to your DD about how to cope with that first day/week. Help her figure out how to manage the stress. Her name, her weight, whatever else, won't change in the next two days, but how she deals with it can change.

Maybe make a deal with her that she can give it a few weeks, and if she's still really unhappy you can look at alternatives with her. I wouldn't commit to cyber-school right off the bat, but be open to talking about her options.

(((HUGS)))

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2005
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 10:06am
I wish I could but I can't give you any advice, my daughter says all the same stuff. I posted this a.m. too. It's so hard. Here's a cyber hug for you!! (((HUG))) I wish you and your family the best of luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 10:29am
Sophomore year was the worst for DD - full of drama and yes, alcohol, parties, etc. I seriously thought about moving her to private school that year and she asked at one point to move. However, I think that she learned far more by staying than leaving. She learned to say NO, she learned how to stay under the radar and out of the drama, etc. Those are lessons DD couldn't learn in cyber school.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 11:33am

My DS (7th grade) does this regularly with me. Like your DD, he is quite social but he dislikes school intensely. With him, however, whenever he has an off day -- his feelings get hurt, didn't get the grade/part/award, etc., he feels and/or thinks he deserves -- he wants to home school.

Because he is very bright and bored out of his mind at school, I did seriously consider this for him, but realized it was just not the right thing for either one of us!

What I did, and you can try this with your DD, is to tell him that it was going to take me some time to get organized, look at curriculum, etc., so he would have to attend school for at least the first semester, end of quarter, until next school year, whatever time-frame coincided with that particular time in the school year, but we could start at the next quarter, semester, year ... whatever the case may be.

He could see how this made sense and of course by the next week, when things smoothed out, he had changed his mind.

If it were me, I'd tell your DD that it is just too short notice to try and make all the arrangements necessary to pull cyber-school together. Tell her because it is the law that she is enrolled in school, she must go to school on the first day, give it her best effort to make it work, but if by the end of the 1st quarter or semester, you can talk about it again. I would venture a guess that by the time that deadline rolls around, your DD will be entrenched in school and activities and won't want to leave school and her friends.

Of course if that isn't the case, however, then you should hold up your end of the deal. Perhaps there is a smaller charter school in your area that would work better for her? Where we are, there are several 'private' schools that are little more than a school-like facility utilizing home-school curriculum and parent proctors.

Hope this helps.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 11:37am
I TEACH cyber school, and it can be a good option for some - but it really depends on their reasons for wanting to take it. From what you've said, I don't think it would be best for your daughter, but you might want to share my perspectives. Only about 40% of the kids who try it succeed - but they do VERY well. In order to succeed, they have to be self-disciplined and willing to work before they play. They have to be organized, to keep themselves on task and on a timeline without constant reminders from a teacher. They CAN manage without a stay at home parent, but having one parent home really increases the chances for success. The best reasons are the kids that are determined to fast track and finish early, or those that are involved in sports or other training that makes it hard to attend school full time (I also have some that do it for health or religious reasons). The ones that are almost doomed to failure from the outset are the ones that are forced into it by their parents, take it because they think it will be "easier", or take it because they are hiding/avoiding something. It sounds a little like your daughter fits intot he last category - and isn't so much motivated by WANTING to do cyber school, but by NOT wanting to go to regular school. ON THE OTHER HAND - if the social stressors are REALLY distressing to her, then you might want to consider it. School is a minefield for insecure girls and can really tear down their self esteem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 2:40pm
i am just sick over all of this. she called me this morning at work and asked what was going on and i said she is to pick our her school clothes and be ready for the morning. and she just said she's not going and that's it. she is so dead set on this. i truly believe that it is alot of the jitters. she is shorter and more shapely than her friends. she tried on a 6 and they were tight and refused to go to an 8(to be an 8 again, hell to be a 12 again!!) anyway she is just so out of sorts and is angry at the world. my husband just wants to ground her and take her phone until she snaps out of it...i think that's wrong. i think maybe instead of not giving her any options, we can give her the option of a private school or the catholic high school in our area. this might give her some inspiration. i suggested it to my husband and we will talk tonight before we talk to her...OMG SCHOOL IS IN THE MORNING!!! I'M ON TRULY PHYSICALLY SICK>
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 5:48pm

Your DD sounds pretty irrational about this, scared beyond just the normal first-day-of-school jitters. Have you asked her exactly what has put her off about school?

Just a thought, albeit, one that's a bit far out there ... does your DD spend a lot of time on-line -- IMing, MySpace, e-mail, etc.? If I were you, I think I'd be tempted to log onto myspace (if she has an account) and see what sort of messages are being posted to her. Could be she is being 'cyber-bullied' by someone at school and is afraid to face them tomorrow, and embarrased to tell you. Or if you have IM monitoring software, you could check the transcripts and see whats' up, same thing for e-mails.

I know it's a bit of a stretch, but in this day and age, you just never know.




Edited 8/29/2006 5:51 pm ET by hydrangea_blue

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 5:55pm
no, i use to be able to go in and ck it w/o her knowledge but then she changed it to pvt and now i would have to ask her. which would be a big ordeal of "trust" ..i think it's the thing about her name and her appearance. she is now just saying "no , she's not going".
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 6:11pm

Okay, well, I still feel that whatever is bothering her goes beyond just her appearance. It just seems too irrational to me to have such a switch in such a short time, and I'd be trying everything under the sun to find out what it is.

Are there any other alternatives to cyber school in your area? I mentioned in a previous post exploring charter schools, or private schools that are basically home schooling with parent proctors using home school curriculum.

Still, school does start tomorrow! Maybe you can compromise with her by saying that there is just not enough time to make the change at this point and time and that you will consider alternate education AFTER she spends at least one quarter in her current school, and IF it doesn't go well you will talk more about it. You will have plenty of time to research and explore other options for her in the next 9-10 weeks and tell her you will do it TOGETHER so you both can find and agree upon the right place for her. She may feel a little more in control that way.

Sorry, I don't know what else to suggest. I hope you get to the bottom of her fears by tomorrow. Keep us posted.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 6:37pm

OK, never been through this one but Im going to throw out a parallel situation from the days when they were tiny(oh, how wonderful and easy they seem now)

I taught Montessori preschool for a long time and the parents who had the most successful separations were the ones who gave their kid a hug and confidently said "bye-see you in a few hours' and walked away without turning back.

I always sent out a notice telling parents that the best way to show their kids that it would be okay was to act like they believed it themselves with words and body language. I didnt care if they bawled their eyes out in the car-they were to have 'this is a great place and Im confident in leaving you here' oozing from every pore when they dropped the kid off

Lo and behold, Supernanny was on last night and suggested the exact same thing

I know dd's a teen now but it seems the more you fret over this with her, the more you suggest there IS something to worry about in terms of her weight or her name.

It seems cruel to dismiss her worries but this late in the game? I'd go with "Im confident you will have a wonderful day' oozing from every pore as you drop her off.

Give her a few choices-take the bus or get a ride? Sack lunch or cafeteria? Lets go out to dinner to celebrate your first day. Whatever works but ooze confidence.

Cyberschool? It simply isnt a 24 hour decision. Dont let her throw you

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