Crossdressing teen son

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Crossdressing teen son
15
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 8:10pm

I work a full time job, and my soon to be 18 year old son lives with me. Aside from a pot smoking incident when he was 15, he is a great kid, honor student etc.

In the past months my clothing (stockings, panties etc.) has gone missing, and then reappear in the laundry, or back in the dresser drawer. At first I did not pay attention.....my closet, dressers, and laundry are not exactly organized....I figured things would turn up, and they eventually did. Then some things just were plain missing. I did not even consider he could have anything to do with it.

Yesterday, I came home earlier from work, and walked into his room and started to straighten up the bed. I readjusting the sheets, I noticed something sticking out from under the mattress. What it was was one of my shaper girdles and then underneath the mattess was more, pantyhose, panties...everything that had been missing.
I was just dumbfounded. I just do not know what to say or do. My suspicsion is he has been wearing these, probably to school, who knows! I just left everything under the mattress.....and have said or done nothing......yet. But what do I say, how do I act? What does this mean? Any advice please!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 11:41am

Thanks all for your input here.

I have given this a lot of thought and did some research. There is a lot of
"closet"crossdressing by men, much more than I realized. The other thing I read about.....its not "curable"

Heck, he as pretty much survived his teens admirably, avoided drugs, bad influences and showed a real almost contempt for the peer pressure stuff that drives a lot of teen problems. So if some crossdressing is the "worst" thing he has done, thats pretty minor.
After I caught my breath, thought about it, researched, I realized this is really a stigma that society has that seems unjustified.....I mean I could wear men's boxers and nobody would care or say squat. I guy wears pantyhose or panties.....Yikes! Its way out of proportion.

Sometime here this weekend, I am going to discuss this with him. I will be understanding and supportive....with some concern for the fact he took MY things with no permission
and although I support and love him, he must realize what other people may do or how they may act when/if they know, especially in the future.

Now that I have thought this thru, I am finding the challenge is really how to initially break the ice on the subject without creating some tension, turmoil etc.

Any thoughts?

Diane

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 12:04pm

No, I don't have any advice on how to broach the subject.. but I want to commend you on your attitude and the effort you've put into finding out more about the subject.

With the kind of compassion you've shown here, I feel that everything will work out for both of you in the end. Yes, he may feel he's dying from embarassment, but he's a lucky kid to have you there for him.

Good luck.
zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 12:24pm

Good for you.
Do not spend too much time talking about him taking your things without permission. He already knows that. There are issues here much more important than a few bras and panties. Those things can be replaced easily.

Say something like you have noticed that he has been taken your things. Tell him that you are not angry but you would like to talk to him about it. Assure him that he is not "strange" or "sick" and that you love him.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 1:17pm

I agree. Start it all by telling him that you love him no matter what. And, also end it with that too. I've been branching out on some of the other iVillage boards, and when you get into the adult ones, there seems to be quite a few men who just enjoy the feel of the women's undies, they are soft and silky. Talk to him about as much of it as he is comfortable with, but don't pressure him. If he enjoys the texture, you might offer to get him some of the silky boxers or bikinis for men, that way when he's out he won't feel like he has to hide anything (not to change him, but to help him feel NOT different when he's out in public) and what he does at home in private is his own thing.

Good luck!!

Sallie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 1:48pm
Actually, I think that would be exactly the RIGHT response! My icky similar story (don't read if you don't want the embarassing details!) involves a mysterious pair of my son's own underwear. I kept finding a pair of old "tighty whiteys" in the laundry. Couldn't figure out WHY since I know he only wears boxers. One day I was gathering laundry off the floor of his room...and there they were beside his bed. I picked them up the throw them in the wash...and immediately discovered they...um...weren't clean. Decided NOT to say anything, LOL. Then he ASKED me if I'd picked them up...I guess he sort of figured it out. So I said "Yep - so let's agree that I'll only take laundry from your room that is IN the basket from now on." He did spend a couple minutes stammering trying to explain "what mysterious substance had accidentally spilled onto his underwear" and knowing that he comes from a traumatic background where any sexuality would have had really weird mixed messages, we had a brief but frank discussion on the topic, to reassure him that it is perfectly normal (in Dr. Phil's words - 98% of teen boys do it, and the other 2% have been known to lie), but that it is best to wash his own sheets, etc or at least make sure anything soiled is in the laundry basket! OMG

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