Cutting

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Cutting
25
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 2:36pm

I already blame myself for all of this, I feel I have been a horrible person.

I went home at lunch and checked my dd myspace, did not find anything bad there. I went into her room and found her diary, and yes, I snooped. There was not much new in there, but what was has really got me upset.

She had told me that her best friend had to start going to counseling because of cutting. She talked to me about it. I kind of wondered if my dd had tried it, but did not push the issue because I thought if she was willing to talk about her friend and tell me that, then I thought she wouldn't be doing it. You all know from my other posts that it has been a rocky week. Well, she just started back writing in this diary this month. There was one entry about her cutting herself. How do I approach this without her knowing I read her diary? She told me last night, she was sick of lying and hiding things from us. I suspect she did this just recently because her friend was doing it, but I am not sure. Should I just ask her if there is anything else she would like to tell me and see what she says? Then ask her maybe if she had done any cutting since her friend did it? I want to check her, I want to know how bad it is. One entry in there said her bf saw it and she thinks he was mad. I am going to try to get her to come completely clean with it all.

Any suggestions? I am so very worried and totally blame myself. It said in the diary how she hates us. This is tearing me up inside. I have been under so much stress this year, that is a whole other story, that I have not noticed so much of the trouble with my dd. I am so worried.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: boondocks68
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 11:21am

I am not a big reader of the newspaper. But each day I look at the section that covers our state, in particular, our specific region of the state. And that's where I am able to realize that things could always be worse.

Just Sunday, one of the boys in his Junior year of HS was joy riding on a mountain after having his license for only 2 weeks. He lost control of his jeep and slammed into a large tree - died instantly. He was only 16. I passed the funeral parlor yesterday where it seems every teenager in town went to say goodbye to thier friend.

When my 17dd was lured off the internet, kidnapped and taken out of state and sexually assualted when she was 15, I recall thinking that our lives sucked and how horrible everything was. And it was horrible. But then dd showed up, she was safely dropped off down the street. She wasn't killed, she wasn't raped and she was alive. Traumatized, but alive. In the following weeks, as I scanned the papers, I saw so many stories of girls gone missing, rapes and murders. It was then that I realized, it could always be worse and began thanking God that my dd was at least alive and with me again.

I hope that you and your H are able to secure decent jobs and you don't have to uproot your family. However, do keep in mind that sometimes these seemingly forced changes are a blessing in disguise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: boondocks68
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 11:48am

Go ahead and post here all you want, personally I do not feel welcome anymore. Good luck to you, I have a great deal of experience with a teenage girl who cuts as I've bdtd. But maybe catmomma has some great advice in that area, as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: boondocks68
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 11:50am
Have fun, zz, (whatever that means) taking over this board. I do not feel welcome here anymore. You've posted alot of things that I feel are uncalled for but I have never attacked you before. I've had all I'm going to take from you. Good luck on this board.

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: boondocks68
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 12:15pm
I'm not quite sure what I missed - other than the spelling stuff, but I for one enjoy reading your posts and hope you don't leave. You are definitely a valuable asset to this board :)



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
In reply to: boondocks68
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 12:17pm
I hope I did not make you feel unwelcome! I am the new one here that has seemed to cause quite a stir, I do not mean to make any trouble. I thank you for trying to help me, I thank everyone. I never meant anything bad about what you said about my spelling. We all have pet peeves. I happen to never point out spelling because I had a very good friend that was not too smart at all, she could not spell a lick, but I always knew what she was trying to say to me in emails or chat logs, that is why I do not pick at people's spelling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: boondocks68
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 12:38pm

Just wanted to make it clear that *you* did not say anything to offend me, other than the racial stuff which has already been clarified enough, and as for me, I've put it behind me. There is one poster on this board, however, that continually "pops in" not to offer anything helpful, but just to make a derisive or divisive comment or two. She never has a good argument, only a few short and sweet sentences designed to "put you in your place". This has never worked for me, either make a good argument or don't bother. There are quite a few good parents on this Board, but it really does seem to be true that one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch.

Good luck to you, I can clearly see that your heart is in the right place. As for the spelling thing, it is not a big deal. I did think your reply to me was funny. I guess I really should have been an English teacher...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: boondocks68
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 12:59pm

Thanks, I do appreciate that. What you may have missed is under the bisexuality thread, I never responded to that attack because I didn't want to contribute anymore to that conversation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
In reply to: boondocks68
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 5:40pm

<<>>

You're right about the bad apple thing. I consider a bad apple one that "tolerates homosexuals", and after a poster has been raked over the coals, then nitpicking at her spelling.

Bye,
zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: boondocks68
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 5:52pm

This is exactly what I'm talking about - you cannot accept anyone's opinion when it differs from your own. By the way, due to my penchant for the dictionary, I looked up this little tidbit you are probably not familiar with:

Tolerance: a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one's own; freedom from bigotry.

Synonyms: altruism, benevolence, broad-mindedness, charity, clemency, compassion, concession, endurance, forbearance, freedom, good will, grace, humanity, indulgence, kindness, lenience, leniency, lenity, liberalism, liberality, liberalness, license, magnanimity, mercifulness, mercy, patience, permission, permissiveness, sensitivity, sufferance, sympathy, toleration, understanding.

When did tolerance first become a "bad word" to you, zz? Next time you insult someone for their tolerance, at least you will know the actual definition of the word.

The other issue is that this had absolutely nothing to do with you; said poster and I have resolved our differences without engaging in petty insults. Again, you had to throw fuel to the fire because that is "what you do".

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
In reply to: boondocks68
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 6:05pm

Ahhh... the pot calls the kettle black.

zz