Cutting

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Cutting
12
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 10:54pm

I recently learned that my daughter (age 15.5) has been cutting herself when she gets upset. I have not seen the cuts, but a concerned friend of hers approached me. Her friend said DD has a very substantial number of scars covering large areas of her body.

She is currently spending the night with another friend. I am going to confront her in the morning. Does anyone have experience with this? Does anyone have any advice?

I would greatly like to know how to confront her and how to help her.

My biggest problem right now is that I have no idea how to even begin talking about this problem. I just feel so sad. I would go get DD now, but I need to calm down first.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: mommaonechild
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 11:19pm
Although I have no personal experience with cutting, I do have a friend who is a middle school counselor and she said it is not uncommon. She explained that the cutters use the physical pain of cutting to drown out the emotional pain they are feeling. And although she always recommends that the parents take their cutting children to psychologists, she said some parents will not do that because they do not want their children lableled as psychos. It's too bad, because therapy can only help, and of course, the cutting does not automatically make them "psych cases". Ask your school counselor to recommend a good therapist. (I did take my DS17 to a psychologist for a couple of sessions because of depression after he'd gotten into trouble, and I'm glad I did it, even though my husband did not approve.)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
In reply to: mommaonechild
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 6:38am

((((HUGS))))

What a sad thing to deal with. I agree with the other poster that having your DD talk to a counselor/psychologist would be a good next step. Maybe even family therapy, too, so you can learn how to support her.

My DD has a friend who has cut in the past. It's very scary. I'm proud of your DD's friend that she came to you. Not all kids would be able to do that.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
In reply to: mommaonechild
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 8:33am

Ah - so many hugs for you right now. This is a hard one.

Last year there was a girl on my dd's soccer team who was cutting herself. Our soccer team had been together since all of these girls were 5 years old - now 15 - so the girls were all very close. This girls teammates got together and came to some of us moms and told us of the cutting. It turned out that this girl was cutting herself because of the emotional drama she was going through due to her parents very ugly divorce.

A few of us talked to her mom and she immediately began the healing process - through family counseling and then therapy for her dd. The girl is still in therapy, but doing remarkably better - she lights up the sky with her smile now and you know she's in a much better place because she got help.

Be kind, be gentle. There's something inside that needs to come out of your dd and I prayer that together you will find the answer to what that is.

Jem

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
In reply to: mommaonechild
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 10:28am
Hi and welcome to the board.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: mommaonechild
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 12:27pm

I too am impressed that her friend came to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
In reply to: mommaonechild
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 12:41pm
Hello, I just found out a couple of months ago that my 14 year old daughter was cutting. I was freaking out also and didn't know what to do. This site has incredible support. I also want to say that we found out that cutting seems to be a new "fad" around here. There is an "emo club" at our dd's school and the more cuts you have the higher up in the club you are and you have to be a cutter to be part of it. I think some of the girls are cutting to fit in more than they are to release their pain and frustration. It is hard in my case because I think my daughter was just trying to fit in and get attention. Whatever her friends do she will try and they are in this "emo club". The last couple of months have been a nightmare! I wish you luck and hope your daughter can get the help she needs. I would check to see if any of her friends are doing this or how common it is in school.
Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
In reply to: mommaonechild
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 12:42pm

I am so sorry you are going through this. I say this and don't want to scare you, but please please watch her very carefully after you confront her. My DS just this year had a best friend who was a cutter, he only shared with my DS. DS finally came to DH and I because he was actually taking razors away from his friend. My DS thought that he could help him and make him stop, but when he realized he couldn't DS told us. This boy had a terrible family situation, so I decided to go to the school where the boys went. This story is turning long, but after the school confronted him, and tried to get him help, that very weekend he tried to take his life. Leaving my DS a voice message in the middle of the night, blaming my DS that his "secret" was out, and that he may as well be dead. We called the police, they went to the boys house..he wasn't there, we waited up the rest of the night to find out when the police found him. He stumbled up our driveway at 6 am bleeding and overdosing. Luckily this child is alive. He is getting the help he needed, turns out he was Bi-polar, OCD and anorexic. I ONLY tell you this story, becuase my DS was very worried that he might try and kill himself, and when I called the school councelor, he told me not to worry....he said that cutters usually won't do that.

Good luck to you,

Julie

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mommaonechild
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 3:12pm

{{{hugs}}} mom. We briefly dealt with cutting with our 17dd, but she was already in counseling and so we were able to address it quickly and effectively, though not before dd gave herself a homemade tattoo on her left inner ankle. It looks like a prison tattoo and in fact, for her graduation we're getting it fixed by a professional.

Anyway, the only advice I can offer is to find a counselor who is experienced in dealing with adolescents and cutting issues/self injuring bahaviors. I feel for you and hope you're able to help your dd. Hugs~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
In reply to: mommaonechild
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 7:24pm

DD is aware that I know now. She came home from her friend’s this afternoon. I confronted her with what the other friend had told me. She wouldn’t show me any of the cuts. Instead she ran to her room and locked the door. I have not seen her since then. I have tried talking to the door, but she won’t answer. I heard her crying for a while.

I am just waiting until she either gets hungry or has to use the restroom. Maybe I will catch her and we can talk then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: mommaonechild
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:01am

I'm so glad that your DD's friend told you what was going on.

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