D

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
D
6
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 4:21pm
What could you do to get

your grown son to stop

stealing from anyone and

everyone?? When he deny's it

constantly and you know he's lying??
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
In reply to: hazel636
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 7:29pm
Um - call the police?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
In reply to: hazel636
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 10:02am
Well I don't want to do all that. It's not like anything he can get his hands on it's more like what ever money's around. It's like you don't see him take it but you realize your cash is missing he's the only one that could've possibly done it like every one's stupid. Is there any thing I can do besides calling the police to make him realize that he can't be doing this stuff because he will end up in jail??
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: hazel636
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 11:56am
I have two ideas:

1: Start stealing his stuff and hide it well - see how he likes it. Don't go digging around, just start stealing the stuff he leaves out, like his discman, his money, his gameboy, his toothbrush, his shoes, his favorite hat, his phone, his pants, his brush, etc. After a couple of weeks, ask him to sit at the table and bring out the bag of his stuff and show him it. Ask him why he thinks you did that - if he still doesn't step up to the plate, let him know what you know about his nasty habit of taking things that don't belong to him.

2: Call the local police and ask if you someone might be available to talk with your son about stealing and jailtime. They sometimes have desk officers that are more than happy to do this if you bring your son in.

Bottom line: Put your stuff away, get a door lock for your room, do not leave anything lying around. When son asks, "What, don't you trust me?" Simply answer, "I'm not sure right now, should I?" and leave it at that. Stealing is wrong, whether it's a pencil or money, or jewelry, or a CD - it's wrong to take anything that doesn't belong to you. Your son needs to know this, not so much because he might wind up in jail at some point because of it, but because stealing is a character flaw. It is the same as lying and cheating. It is the difference between having someone's trust and never being trusted. He will be regarded as a loser, someone not worthy of having anyone's trust - now it's up to you to teach him that and the best way is with action.

My dd, 14, used to steal things, little things like change, pens, calulators, books, tools, gum, stupid stuff. We learned it was part of her neurobiological disorder, Tourette Syndrome. Apparently, many kids with varying degrees of mental disorders can, and often do, suffer from cleptomania (sp?). I could have chosen to disregard her habit of stealing as just part of her disorder and used it as an excuse. But I chose instead to teach her that even though it was part of her problem with impulsivity, she would NOT be excused. We installed a lock on our door and we put away our things. I also placed change jars throughout the house that H and I dump our small change into and told both kids that this change was specifically for school lunches or phone money. DD was upset by the changes because it meant she didn't have free reign throughout the house, but too bad. With great persistence, she is much better - she doesn't steal things anymore. She learned to respect other people's belongings and uses the change jars appropriately. Ironically, she leaves her stuff all over the place, money, everything!

BTW, if you call the police, they will not arrest him, if all your asking them to do is talk to him. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
In reply to: hazel636
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 4:39pm
well when he was younger he did have Tourette Syndrome but it was like shoulder movements so could it just be in another form??
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: hazel636
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 10:21am
Yes, it could possibly a manifestation of TS or another lingering neurobio disorder. You can actually get this great book called "Teaching the Tiger" - it has a very detailed list of the many ways in which TS and/or other diorders manifests itself (esp in teens) and clepto is on there! If the problem is so severe, you might consider seeing a pyschiatrist since he does have a history of the TS in particular. The most apparent symptom of TS is impulsivity - these kids have an exremely difficult time controlling their impulses to do things, very often risky behavior.

Most kids who have TS or other neurobio stuff have it for life. You never actually 'grow out' of it, but rather, you either learn to adjust your lifestyle, or your body's symptoms go into hiding or manifest themselves in other ways. For instance, as my dd is moving through adolescent, we've noticed a marked decrease in her physical tics, and she seems to notice less tics, and her attention is improving, as well as her sense of responsibility.

I think it's worth looking into anyway - good luck.

Also, check these out - they may help.

www.tourettesyndrome.net

www.nmha.org

www.ocfoundation.org

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: hazel636
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 1:28pm
These are two very good posts by heartsandroses. Good luck with your son.