dad's yearbook message
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| Fri, 02-09-2007 - 10:11am |
DD's high school yearbook has something for the seniors that the parents can send in a baby picture and write a message to their child. I figured that my ex could come up w/ something good because he is usually witty, while I could only think of the typical things to say. So last night, he called and gave me his message, which went along w/ the picture, which was of DD when she was about 3 or 4 and she had this cute little smirk. His message was "One week later, S gave me her first mean look and the innocence changed to attitude. I miss the innocence." Now S said that we could write whatever and she would hand in the paper w/o looking at it, which of course she didn't. She saw what her father wrote and proceeded to call and read him the riot act because she felt (and I kind of did too) that it seemed like he was saying that now she only had an attitude and he didn't like her anymore. So he came up w/ something like "you're still daddy's little girl" or something like that. I added a more traditional message.
He said something to her like "I want to think of you like this, not like in the black prom gown." To me, this is very strange and it goes along w/ the messages about "you aren't going out like that". Sure, I have nostalgia for her being a little girl, esp. when she is arguing w/ me about something. I remember the days when she just wanted to be w/ me all the time and she was so sweet and cute. But I think it's strange that you don't want your kids to grow up. I have heard this from mothers too, but it's more like, I don't want her to start school. I want her to be little forever. My reaction is "ARe you nuts?" I sure wouldn't want to go back to diapers and bottles. I think it's exciting to see my DD going to college and growing up into an adult who hopefully will be leaving home one day and getting a job and supporting herself, then eventually maybe getting married and having children. Not that I'm in a big rush for grandchildren or anything. But I have no desire for her to stay a little kid.
The funny part is that now that my DD is almost leaving home, I think about my 11 yo son and the fact that I have to go through teenage years all over again, and I don't know if I can stand it! He's still sweet and loving to me, most of the time anyway.

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Parents make the remark that they wish their kids would stay young for various reasons.
The main one is that as their kids growup, it means that they,the parents, are getting older.
Also, they enjoyed being parents and will miss those days when they were in the "trenches". As the kids grow up, they need their parents less and less. I know many parents of college students & older who look back fondly on those days their kids were home. They miss their kids.
It doesn't mean that they realy want their kids to stay young forever. Every good parent wants to see their kids grow up and stand on their "own two feet". It is more of a "bitter sweet" comment and a very honest one,in fact.
Your DD told her father he could write whatever he wanted. He did. He might have been too honest but your DD did not give him "any quidelines" as to what he should write.
And, by the way, why does the message mean he "doesn't like her anymore". Missing the days she was easier to deal with doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care for her. But her calling her father and "reading him the riot act" does tell me that those two do need to work on their relationship.
My two cents...
I see a completely different scenario here - she TOLD him she wouldn't look at it and did. Then she called him and yelled at him for something she said she wouldn't do. Personally, I can see how she would take that comment the wrong way - but in my family, my ex (and everyone else) sent their messages to me. I reviewed them, and if I thought they were in some way going to insult or hurt my DS, I gave people the opportunity to rewrite them. But we decided we DIDN'T want DS reading what anyone else wrote, so we actually had his brother bring it in (and checked off the box that said "we want this to be a surpris").
I have no opinion about your daughter's relationship with her father and don't see this particular incident as being indicative of anything significant - he thought he was being clever, and she didn't - and since it's her yearbook, no one wants her to have something written in their for all eternity that hurts her feelings.
But then she should have given guidelines, or she should have TOLD you she would read - and approve herself - anything written in the book. Not do exactly what she said she wouldn't do.
Don't get me wrong - I know ALL kids do this (which is why little brother brought J's in) - but still - I can tell you that if that were my ex (who also has a very close relationship with both DS's) - it would have stayed - for no reason other than that she said she wouldn't read it and did.
Just my 2 cents.
"I sure wouldn't want to go back to diapers and bottles. I think it's exciting to see my DD going to college and growing up into an adult who hopefully will be leaving home one day and getting a job and supporting herself, then eventually maybe getting married and having children. Not that I'm in a big rush for grandchildren or anything. But I have no desire for her to stay a little kid."
My oldest DD is 14. She's taller than me, bigger than me, bigger feet than me. She's basically a good kid. She loves to "discuss" things. Often she seems like she's arguing, which she doesn't mean to. She's a freshman, so we've got 3 more high school years to go before she's old enough to move out. Less than 1.5 until she's driving. I finally realized (with DH's help) last year that when I speak to her calmly and like an almost adult she listens better to what I have to say. And, I get to do it 3 more times.
Now, I've said all this to say that I've got a 15 month old who still wants a bottle and is running around in just a diaper right now. God bless her, she's Mommy's baby, too. While all of the other 3 girls are pulling away and acting all grown up, or independent, or Mamaw's girl, she's wanting to crawl up in my lap, wrap her arms around me, saying "thank you" when you hand her something, and clinging to me when she's not happy about something. It is a wonderful thing. And, sometimes the contrast between them all is tremendous and amazing.
Sallie
I think it's kind of crummy that he couldn't have chosen one thing from then and one thing from NOW that are positive and find a way to tie them to the person, the young independent woman she has become.
You know, all too often, parents tend to think of thier child's developing into a young adult as a personal affront and it shouldn't be that way.
God knows, my dds' have caused me grief over their lives, my 17dd in particular, and yet, I can always find a bright spot even when they are at thier worst. Not that they are God awful, but would it be so difficult for your ex to find the silver lining in your dd developing into her own person, a young woman??
It just irks me to no end when I hear about a parent who can find no other words than pure negative criticism....who CARES what color her prom dress is? And attitude can mean the difference between her getting walked all over or making a life changing move for the better. Ugh - your ex sounds like my ex...ignorant.
I cherish the memories of my daughters being little girls, playing dressup, getting into my makeup, making playdough together, etc., but I am in awe each time they take a responsible step towards adulthood. Thier capability and confidence astounds me at times and the fact they confide in me and still want to hang out with me fills me with joy. I wouldn't trade now for then ever -
Well said!
I very much love watching my DSs carry on as adults, making their own way in the world, but oh, do I miss the days when they were younger, still needed their mom, were still creating chaos around the house on a regular basis. I get very lonely for them some days, but I'm also proud of the fact that they've become independent men. Do I want to go back to diapers and bottles?? Heck NO - well, maybe with my grandkids some day! But I do miss all the family time we enjoyed when they all centered their lives around home. I see nothing wrong with missing that time, and I too sometimes let my kids know that I miss it. But to put it in a yearbook? Not so sure about that one.
Rose
I would expect that the majority of dads would write something different than the majority of moms, be it daughter or son, step, adopted, or biological.
I think his original thoughts should have been printed.
Uhhh. No.
My DD was an adorable baby too. (Who’s wasn’t??)
To pine away for those adorable magic years when everything you said was gospel....Everything you did was perfect....Everything she did was to make you happy...
Those years before the tweens and teens just reeked CUTE!!
Yes.... There was a time for this.
IMVHO, A message to a senior in high school should be about the future; a limitless wide open expanse of possibilities that she could take hold of in any manner she chooses.
I’m sorry, but that message did not belong in a yearbook.
My DD is also the quintessential “daddy’s girl”. LOL She would be livid if I wrote something like that in that venue.
I don't think that mentioning she's lost her innocence should be included in her high school yearbook.
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