Dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Dating
7
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 9:39am

Thank you all so much for your feedback on my last post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: bupcie
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 10:08am
Good luck w/ this--not only do you have a difficult teen, but you're the SM too! Well as far as not listening to you, if they go in his room after you have told him no, then I would just stand there in his room and tell them they have to go downstairs--I would think there wouldn't be much fun in having SM standing over watching them, so that would make them go down. And I agree that if they can't obey the rules, then she can't come over for some period of time. And the amt. of time together should be limited--I do tell my kids that they can't have people over for dinner unless they ask me because I'm not one of those people who is always cooking good dinners so I really need to prepare in advance--and I wouldn't want someone over every night. I do think he's just trying to see how far he can push.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
In reply to: bupcie
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 10:50am

When my step-kids were teens I asked my DH to make the rule that his kids could not have any friends over unless he was there to supervise. It worked great. No stress for me, no putting up with teen visitors who overstayed their welcome. (BTW, my DH was the custodial parent with the kids visiting mom every other weekend...although most weekends ended by Saturday evening).

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I would have texted him back saying "No way. You and your kid will talk. I'm staying out of it."

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And because I "stayed out of it", all angry glares and misery were reserved for the parent. Even though my step-kids were no angels and things could get fairly ugly between DH and his kids, towards me it was polite and pleasant conversation. Like I was an aunt or good friend of the family who lived with them. I was the good guy (even if I was DH's eyes and ears).

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That's funny. That's right up there with holding his breath, LOL. I GUARANTEE that he won't starve himself to death over this or any other issue. Feel free to completely ignore any future hunger strikes.

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Why feel terrible? He's hardly the only kid on the planet who has only one bio-parent in their life (my DS is in the same boat). Nobody has a perfect life. We all just have to get over our "hardships" and get on with living our lives. Pity and guilt will do nothing positive for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
In reply to: bupcie
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 10:52am
Oh dear. If he chooses to break up with his gf because of you guys setting down rules, then so be it. You have to have rules. Good for DH for taking his driving privileged away. Just ignore the angry stares, they can't hurt you. Just go on about your day as normal, and include him. Be nice. I have found that sometimes when dealing with a difficult teen, if you 'kill them with kindness' their attitudes can change. Anger begets anger type of thing.
He may honestly feel rejected and alone since bio-mom doesn't want him. Some kindness and love from you, his mother figure, might do the trick. See if he wants to help you do something. If he says no, just say 'ok, but if you change your mind...' You might even try to get someone to keep the twins and you DH and DSS go somewhere special for an evening. HTH's and keep us posted.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-1999
In reply to: bupcie
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 11:03am

Man, are you in a tough spot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
In reply to: bupcie
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 11:10am

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That's a great idea. As much as I don't think that guilt or pity will help the kid, counseling likely will help him a lot in dealing with any feelings of abandonment (by his mother).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
In reply to: bupcie
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 11:44am

Both of my sons have been right where your DSS is right now. I am not a SM, but I am remarried and my dh is the SD. When both of my boys turned 15, they became rebellious and argued about everything! Since my dh is the SD, he

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
In reply to: bupcie
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 1:12pm
Once again I can't thank you ladies enough.