Dating question

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Dating question
16
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 10:29am

Hi all. I have a question that I'd like to run by you. My 16 yr. old dd just started to see a young man who is about 17. He attends a different school and he also has his license. They have only been seeing each other for about a month but have gotten together every weekend along with a friend of my dd and her bf. My question is this...when is it appropriate for parents to say that they want to meet the guy their dd is seeing? The first time he came to pick up our dd, her cell phone rang and he said that they were all waiting out in the car for her. That first time we let it go w/o insisting that he come inside to meet us and she went out to the car and left. The next time he came to the house, last weekend, we said that we'd appreciate it if he could just come to the door and say hi or one of us could go out to the car and say hello. Well, you would have thought we asked our dd to cut off her right arm. She got very upset and said that she didn't want to make him come inside. I know it's early in the relationship...she just likes to say that he's just a "friend". I also know that she was very worried that we might embarrass her. I'm sure our very exsistence alone is enough to make us embarrassing-LOL. Anyway, I told dd that we would just say hello and that would be it. I know that this is all new to her and to us as well. Anyway, after brooding in her room for a while, the doorbell rang. My dh answered the door, the young man said hello, shook hands with both of us and then the two of them left.

I guess I'm wondering...does anyone insist anymore that a young man come to the door or does everyone's dd just run outside to the car and go? We don't expect him to come to the door everytime, but I did want to put a face to the name. I'm also curious to hear from moms who have sons and get their input as well. Thank you so much!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: nikimom2
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 8:59am

We've met all (2!!) of DD's b/fs early on in the relationships, though not the first time she went out with them... with both of them, they started by going out with a group of kids, most of whom we know, and we also know the parents of most of them - one of the perks of small town living.

T is a "transplant" though, from Georgia, we live in WI, he just moved here in August. Being the new family in town, it was fairly easy to get the scoop on them by asking around among our friends a little bit, but his mom didn't know anyone in town when they started dating. N & T started out hanging out here after school, and one day his mom showed up on our doorstep to "pick him up for dinner since she was out and about anyway." He was mortified! LOL I got the feeling that she was "checking us out" - not that it bothered me, she was just looking out for her DS's best interests. N thought it was funny, and she tells me that he told his mom to "never embarrass him like that again!" Just to make them crazy, a couple of weeks later I invited his mom to go with me to a Home Interiors party with me, to get out of the house. She and I had a ball... and T spent the whole time worrying about what his mom might say! LOL N wasn't near as stressed... being in a small town, she's used to me talking to the parents of all her friends.

As far as DSs... I've always told them they needed to introduce themselves to their g/fs parents early on, just to reassure mom & dad that they aren't ax murderers! LOL They're all pretty protective of their little sis, and have made a habit of checking out her friends, so it wasn't too hard to get it into their heads that their g/f's families could very well be just as protective as they are.
Rose

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
In reply to: nikimom2
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 2:41pm
Just a hypothetical situation....what if your dd didn't come home after a date and you had to report her as a missing person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
In reply to: nikimom2
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 5:07pm

Scarey isn't it?
I have a friend that insists on the new bf coming to the house. The daughter doesn't leave until the bf has come to the house (before the 1st date) and they've all met. It's just an understanding ... no meet, no date. Like it or not, embarassed or not, if they know it's the rule, they'll put up with it.

So far, my oldest was a son, and I didn't do the "meet the date" rule, but we live in a small community and I knew who his girlfriends were. If one of my kiddos starts dating someone I don't know, I will make sure to let them know that the date must come in and meet us first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: nikimom2
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:37pm

I've only got one dating now, my ds17 and I have to admit it's tough being on the other side, the boys side.

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
In reply to: nikimom2
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 6:34pm

All the responses seem to say the same thing :) I also feel that you should meet the boys on even the 1st date. I've got two sons, and I would hope that they would never not go to the door to meet a young lady....but if they did, I would hope that the parents of that girl insisted on meeting them :) I insist on meeting the girls as soon as DS goes out with them once.

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: nikimom2
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 8:41am

Thanks everyone for your replies to my question. I'm glad to know that there are other parents who feel the same way. What really threw me is that there are other parents in my town who don't really "enforce" this on their dd and I was starting to wonder what was going on...was I the only one who felt that a boy should come to the door when picking up my dd? I think some parents just don't want to make an issue out of it. Then my dd was thinking that I was the only parent who was requiring this...since parents of girls she knows don't enforce it.

Thanks again.

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