Daughter dating Mormon boy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Daughter dating Mormon boy
Sat, 05-14-2011 - 9:50pm

Maybe a stupid question...DD has just started dating a boy who is LDS. (I hope there are some of you here to answer my question!) He is here with her right now watching a movie. I know LDS is much more strict than we (Methodists) are, so I'd like to respect their rules. She is currently wearing shorts and a tank top, which I understand is a no-no. That is pretty much her summer uniform...should I tell her she needs to dress differently as long as they are dating? Would his parents be offended if she showed up at their house in that?


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Fri, 05-20-2011 - 6:12pm

Who knows? Maybe it is an excuse to send the kids away for a year.

Think about it this way..

At least his parents are not allowing him to experiment on "non LDS" girls.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 05-20-2011 - 6:55pm

Probably just as good that the break up occured after a week instead of a month or two. And there's nothing wrong with your dd besides that she's not LDS. I don't claim to know a lot about LDS. As I mentioned earlier - my closest contact was my high school friend who's sister converted to Morman when she went off to BYU. And I'm casual friends with the sister via Facebook and when she comes back here to see her folks. While I might not agree with their theology it does seem like their teens have a firm grasp on what they believe/why they believe/etc. I don't really hear of many Morman teens rebelling/leaving the church/etc. (yes, I'm sure there are exceptions). Heck - I wish my boys would have been half as obedient to the ways I tried to teach them...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Sun, 05-22-2011 - 7:29pm

It definitely is for the best. I really think this type of thing can be God's way of protecting a kid from getting involved in a cult. But I have to confess that as a mom, I'd be just a wee bit offended if someone thought my DD wasn't good enough for their son! Still, it really was his loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2011
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 7:35pm
Okay, I'll preface this my post with the following: I am a Mormon, I served a mission in Japan, I graduated from BYU, I was married in an LDS temple, and I go to church weekly. I AM NOT here to try and tell people what they should or shouldn't believe. I am only here to maybe clear the air here about a few things.

There is no requirement for a Mormon to have to date another Mormon. However, it is encouraged that they do so. The reason being is that if they want to get married in an LDS temple, both have to be living an LDS lifestyle and both must be Mormons. While young, Mormon teens are encouraged to date in groups and just have fun with lots of people. They are encouraged not to "pair off" as boyfriend/girlfriend. However, I don't know very many that follow this counsel. Ultimately, each person has their own choice on who they want to date. Some parents though may try to restrict who their child can or can't date. I lived in Utah growing up and really didn't have many non-LDS friends. However, my wife lived in California and didn't have a lot of choice in dating LDS boys and dated many non-LDS boys through the years. There is no requirement that a Mormon dating a non-Mormon must do all they can to try and convert them.

Mormons, and especially teens, are encouraged to dress modestly. There is not a dress code (BYU is an exception where there is a specific dress code) but modest dress is encouraged so that clothing is not too revealing. Mormon girls are encouraged to wear tops with sleeves, wear things that are not low-cut, wear shirts that cover their stomach, and when wearing shorts to be around knee-length. Also they are encouraged to wear one-piece swimsuits rather that bikinis. Yet, doing the opposite of any of those things will not lose them membership in the LDS church nor would it necessarily keep them from getting married in an LDS temple. Although it is not as big of an issue for boys, they are also encouraged to dress modestly.

It is true that Mormons do not drink coffee or tea. It is true that they believe that sex should be saved for after marriage. It is true that many Mormon parents want their children to marry a Mormon and get married in an LDS temple. Many young men and some young women choose to serve a mission to teach others about the LDS church. It is looked at in a way of if you knew where to get the most delicious piece of pie you just want others to taste it and know how good it is as well.

In the case of the original poster - my personal thoughts are that the parents of the boy that your daughter was dating should not have judged or forced him to break up with her. They should have at least met her and gotten to know her. They should have expressed thoughts and/or concerns to their son and let him make his own decision. This is always how I was raised whether it was about music I listened to, clothing I wore, or girls I dated. They even expressed concern about a coupled of Mormon girls that may not have been living the Mormon lifestyle. Sometimes I listened and other times I didn't. Ultimately the choices were mine.

I hope that this may clear some things up and I hope that nothing has been preachy. I do encourage those with further questions to look up the LDS church's official website as their are many videos and discussions found there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 9:32pm

The feminist in me is weeping bitter tears after reading this part of your post.