Daughter dating Mormon boy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Daughter dating Mormon boy
35
Sat, 05-14-2011 - 9:50pm

Maybe a stupid question...DD has just started dating a boy who is LDS. (I hope there are some of you here to answer my question!) He is here with her right now watching a movie. I know LDS is much more strict than we (Methodists) are, so I'd like to respect their rules. She is currently wearing shorts and a tank top, which I understand is a no-no. That is pretty much her summer uniform...should I tell her she needs to dress differently as long as they are dating? Would his parents be offended if she showed up at their house in that?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 05-14-2011 - 11:01pm

I'm not Mormon (actually a fellow Methodist here) but I certainly don't think you need to tell your dd to dress differently based on her current teen boyfriend. If he invites her to church with him you might suggest that she dress somewhat conservatively but certainly not to sit in her own home watching a movie. If you feel her shorts are too short or her tank top too skimpy then by all means discuss it with her but don't make it about the boy.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Sat, 05-14-2011 - 11:37pm

Double post-removed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Sat, 05-14-2011 - 11:48pm

Thanks! I figured at our house she'd be fine, but I just didn't know if she should wear her usual summer clothes (spaghetti straps, shorts, etc...) when with his family or at his home. (I just re-read my original post and it sounds like I meant all the time, lol!) Her clothes aren't too revealing or anything...just typical teenage girl summer clothes.

She went thru her DVDs before he got here to weed out the R rated films b/c he's not allowed to see them, (they're both 17 btw) so I'm wondering about other things as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 11:37am

From what I know about Mormons, I have heard of rules about no drinking alcohol or caffeine, no drugs, no premarital sex--I have never really heard any rules about a dress code, although I would say that the 1st time meeting the boys parents wouldn't be the time to dress in revealing clothes anyway.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 11:48am

Let him tell her if there are things she needs to know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 12:54pm

I seriously doubt that anything will come of it, especially since after next year, he'd have to go on a mission anyway. He is a sweet, clean-cut kid though. They ended up sitting on the couch and watching Toy Story 3 together. IDK too much about Mormons (most of the stuff I hear is negative, like you said though...it's all just hearsay), but the ones I know personally are all quite nice people. I don't have a problem with them dating at all, I'll just have her ask him about dress codes when she goes to his house, I guess. (too bad it's not winter) I guess I'll know not to offer him a soda next time, lol!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 1:02pm

As the mom of three boys, I do notice how a girl dresses when she is to meet me for the first time. I don't really care how she is dressing throughout the relationship or when I happen to see them out on a date, but I feel it shows some social awareness and respect to dress properly for any given situation like making a first impression.

So, yes, IMO your daughter should not show up at his house in spaghetti straps and short shorts for the first meeting of the parents even if they are atheist! Why risk a negative first impression if it is so simple to avoid?

Your own house? Her own house? Her choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 1:08pm

It's up to the boy to tell your daughter what she should or should not wear when meeting his parents.

In your own home, you live how you always do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 3:48pm

They were lab partners this semester in Anatomy class. They spent a lot of time together because of the class...which is how they got to know each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 4:37pm

I got to thinking after I replied yesterday. I had a high school friend whose sister dated a Mormon boy. She actually followed him out to BYU but ended up meeting another Mormon boy out there, who she ended up marrying (after converting). My friend and her family couldn't go to the wedding, of course, since it was in the Temple. But I am Facebook friends with the sister and she has daughters in their 20's so I went and checked her FB pictures. For the most part they always had long pants on or dresses below the knees. One picture showed one of her dd's in shorts but they were the knee-length type. They are attractive young girls and were dressed very nicely but no tanks/spaghetti straps/etc. I then went to one of HER friends pictures (LOL I just love Facebook) who had a dd that recently went to her senior prom. Her dress was lovely but it actually had short sleeves and a modest neckline. There wre several comments about how a prom dress can be beautiful but still modst and they were right! So I guess if your dd does go meet the parents you may want to suggest she wear slacks and a blouse or short-sleeved shirt. Interesting topic. I can't think of any regular posters over the years on this board that have been LDS (and I've been here for a LONG time). I think you're right in that LDS youth aren't really encourage to date seriously until after their mission trip - or at least young men as it's optional for many LDS women. So it's probably not something you'll have to worry about long term but a good way for your dd to learn about differnt beliefs and lifestyles.

Pam

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