daughter practicing deception again

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2006
daughter practicing deception again
4
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 2:19pm

Earlier this year, my 15 yr old was caught going online when she was being punished and banned from the computer. It was about then that I found out about the crap on her My space account (I was shocked by the vulgar content) and so we deleted her account and basically told her that her IM and my space days were over. She could only use the computer/Internet only for school.

On a regular basis, I check her friends' My space accounts for any sign of her and sure enough, I found it today. She recreated an account last week without my permission. She used our home computer and deleted the history but I still found it.

I'm inclined to ground her now for awhile and of course lock up the computer so that she can't log on. I can't stand that she is lying like this! Any other advice on punishment?

I'm just sick about her behavior these days and she's pretty nasty to her little sister too. I'm just sick of this and really disappointed because I can't trust her. I don't like her friends either. They aren't friendly or respectful and they don't come around to our house much. She had dropped a group of nice friends to start hanging out with these other girls, who seem to be spoiled rich girls. One gives me a sickening sweet Eddie Haskell sort of greeting and the others don't say hello at all.

Avatar for mily12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 3:07pm

I'd do the exact same thing you're doing, ground her and limit her use of the computer. Additionally, I'd remind her that I plan to continue monitoring her behavior and that the punishments will increase each time I catch her violating my rules. When my kids complain about punishments I like to remind them that they know the rules and they know the consequences and so when they violate a rule they've actually chosen to be punished. What can I say, that degree in psychology has payed off. ;-) If they didn't break the rules, then they wouldn't be punished. It's quite simple.

Kids forget that we were once their age and that there isn't much that they can do that we aren't aware of.

Good luck,

Mily

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 3:26pm
I have been there, done that. My 15 year old has lost privilages a few times due to My Space. She is a good kid though, and her site is pretty ok. Just a couple of rules she choose to ignore. She did learn though, she will lose it for ever if she does it again. I have went so far as to put a spy program on her computer. Her computer is in the main area of the house. The spy program I have allows you to block internet at certain times, block certain sites, records messges, emails, chats, web sites visited, takes screenshots and all. She does know it is on there and I check it weekly. It has been invaluable. So If I am not going to be home and I don't want her online, I can just block it totally. That is one of my rules anyway, no internet when I am not home. So that would be my suggestion. To get a spy program, put the computer in the main area of the house etc. Also I would do more than take a way the computer. Here she would be grounded for a period of time. And some trusts would be broken resulting in more strict rules all around. I would make it clear to her that you don't trust her and she has to earn back that trust. After a period of time you might give her back computer access little by little and let her prove she can be responsible and not lie. GL!


*HUGS* TOTAL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 4:04pm

Sounds like you got it covered. Do you ever worry about what she does on line at a friend's house, for instance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 4:16pm

When my DD was 15, she lied about anything and everything - it was just simpler than dealing with the truth (or so she thought). I made it my sole mission to uncover every lie and confront her with them. She was also punished for every single one - usually a major chore for each time she lied. My windows and garage was very clean that year. She eventually learned that she would be caught and finally trained herself that it's easier to be honest.

I had to take AIM away from her for a while. I never offered it back. She finally asked for it back last year when she was 17. I have monitoring software and to my pleasant surprise she uses it and her myspace account appropriately. Alot of this will hopefully take care of itself as she grows up.

I would simply tell her that you know she created another account and tell her what her punishment is for that. Then I would take the computer away. When she earns that privilege back, I would give it to her but with the understanding that there will be monitoring software on it that you can see her every move. Explain that this is necessary because she violated your trust. That won't stop her from using it at someone else's house though so you will still need to check up just like you did this time. Be sure to let her know that you be doing that as well. Once she realizes that she has lost your trust and you will be watching her very closely, she'll eventually learn and start working to earn your trust back.

Good Luck and be patient - this will take some time.