Daughters First Break-up. Any advice for her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2001
Daughters First Break-up. Any advice for her?
3
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 10:00am

My daughter is 16 and a sophomore in HS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 10:14am

First break ups are always hard, no matter who breaks up with who. And there is just an incredible amount of high school drama/rumors/cliques/etc. Your dd will experience many more 'loves' and 'heart breaks' before she finds her future 'soul mate'. Just be there for her to vent to, a shoulder to cry on, etc. Encourage her to keep busy with her hobbies and girlfriends. Don't say too much about the boy one way or another - you're right, the poor choices he's making are his and his alone. No one can 'make him' skip school. Whether he really was flirting with other girls it's hard to say - in high school everyone interprets interaction between the opposite sex differently. Those same kids that said he was 'flirting' may think that your dd is 'flirting' with other boys because they hang out. Try not to get sucked into the drama by confronting him. Now if he's threatening/bullying/etc. your dd then you might need to step in but for now I'd just keep an eye on things from a distance. It is unfortunate that they have the same group of friends but that often happens at this age, too. Good luck and hang in there!

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2001
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 11:08am
Thanks! You also hit the nail on the head when you said others think she's a flirt too because she hangs with the guys. Its just really frustrating because this boy isn't accepting any responsibility and is turning it all on her and it hurts her. Oy! I wouldn't want to be a teenager again! Now, college was fun... : ) Thanks!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 8:24pm

This guy sounds like a manipulative piece of work, and she is well rid of him. But, of course, you can't say that to her. This is just for you, so you know how fortunate she is to be rid of someone who really could turn out to be an emotional abuser.

I think if this were my daughter, I'd just do my best to reinforce her decision to break up. Praise her strength and her wisdom in recognizing an unheathy relationship and then have as many conversations as you can about what a healthy relationship is. Let her tell you what she thinks a good boyfriend should be. Above all, you need to tell her what you said here, that he has freely chosen to skip school, all in an attempt to manipulate her feelings. That is not love, it is sickness.