Daughter's romance charges Mom's libido

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Daughter's romance charges Mom's libido
18
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 1:21pm

This is a whole new world for me. I am a happily married (24 years) 48 year old woman who has always had a pretty low sex drive. My daughter has her first boyfriend (she's 15) and I can't believe how her relationship has affected me. I feel like I did when I first fell in love with my husband. I have no appetite, I am thinking about sex a lot, I am feeling very romantic toward my husband, I enjoy seeing them together (cuddling).

I have no interest romantically with the boyfriend, we both like him very much. I just feel so strange and wonder if I am a total wierdo or if this happens to others. I am so embarrassed I can't even discuss this with my friends.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

I remember going somewhere with an old BF's parents. It was before bucket seats and the BF and I were, of course, glued to each other in the front seat

I remember his parents laughing and saying something about how long it had been and they snuggled up in the back seat

Well, as you can imagine, I was thinking 'gross' at the time but now....yeah, I remember that moment with a deeper understanding

DH and I had definitely lost the hand holding, snuggling stuff. Bluntly, if Dh touches me, he wants sex. I think this happens in a lot of marriages(well, acc/to Dr Phil ;))

He has actually asked to 'just snuggle' twice as of late-to which I gladly obliged

So, I think it goes with the territory. Not sure WHAT promotes it though as my boys dont bring their GFs over to snuggle in front of us very much. For us, I think it's been more of an awareness of the impending empty nest and we need to get back to what we were before the boys came

To that end, I've started drinking. LOL. I like totally stopped for fear something would happen when they were babies and I would be unable to drive them to the ER. I would have an occassional drink for holidays but we are talking rare and minor

So, while you are back to enjoying sex......I am exploring appletinis, Cosmopolitans, and an assortment of Irish Coffee variations

Life is weird at times

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006

<>


That's pretty much the case in our marriage, too. If I want to just snuggle, I let DH go to bed first, then hope that he won't wake up when I get in & huddle up.

Why are men like that? I wonder if lesbians are happier when it comes to the cuddling (not that I'd go that direction for it).

-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Don't feel too far out of the loop on this one - it's happened to me too. I think, for me anyway, it rekindles memories of what life was like before kids, bills, and all the other mundane things of married life killed the romance - or at least put it on very, very low! ;) And talk about charging the libido - when DS got married 14 months ago - WOW!! It was like we were newlyweds again! Didn't last as long as the first honeymoon, but it was fun while it lasted! Can hardly wait for the next kid to get married! LOL OK, honestly, J 22 isn't even in a relationship at the moment, Z 19 just started dating his g/f 2 months ago, and N & T are only 15 and 16, so even though they've been together for a little over 5 months... yeah, you know how it is with those mid-teens!
Rose
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007

Thanks so much for your reassuring response. I was afraid I was really losing my mind. I believe you are right about rekindling memories and it is a lot of fun. Maybe you can help me with another issue regarding boyfriends and girlfriends....

My daughter has a girlfriend who is very close - I have to say I am not a huge fan of this girl as she is very materialistic and controlling of my daughter - probably one of the reasons I am so pleased about the boyfriend, because she is not spending so much time under the influence of this girl. The girl is not a "mean girl" but she could be and other parents have commented to me about the influence of this girl on my daughter. Right now I think the girl friend has her nose out of joint because A) she doesn't have a boyfriend and my daughter does B) she doesn't have the control over my daughter she has had.

So, my concern right now is that the "friend" could be bad mouthing the boyfriend (he doesn't have much money) and driving a wedge of loyalty at my daughter. I don't want to push her into this boyfriend too much, but we do like this boy and I am annoyed at this behavior. I have told my daughter in the past that this friend is too controlling, but I think my daughter doesn't see it.

I know there isn't much I can do, but have you had experience with this kind of problem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

I don't have any btdt experience - I only have boys and I don't think the drama is quite as high with them.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

Be very careful not to badmouth the girl - if they really are good friends, once the boyfriend situation has cooled down a little bit, they'll be back to spending time together.

My DD's best friend got her nose out of joint too, when N started dating T 5 months ago. I'm sure it was jealousy and feeling pushed out of N's life. Now that the excitement of the "early" relationship has worn off a little bit, N is spending more time with her g/fs again, T is spending more time with the guys, and they're not nearly as joined at the hip as they once were, and N and best friend are back to hanging out with each other sometimes. T still takes a fair share of N's free time, but he doesn't monopolize it like he once did, and I see that as a good thing. We really like T also, but a girl has got to have a best girl friend too!
Rose

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

I can relate to everything you said as well. I get an absolute kick out of dd and her bf - they are just so damn perfect together it makes me want to cry. I don't know so much that it jump starts my libido - dh has been gone (military) the better part of a year and a half now so I don't think I even remember what that is *blush* But dd and bf's cuteness just gets to me. This past holiday season was my family's first ever experience with dh being gone and I can say with all honestly I don't think we could have gotten through it without dd's bf - my family thinks I'm really weird when I say that, but it is so completely true. Even ds11 likes the bf and ds is the type that when dd has ANYONE over he disappears. Not when J is here - oh boy he's right with them every moment he can be. When dd is at her lowest points and any normal boyfriend would just turn around and run - he is right there to pick her up. Last week, dd was at her breaking point with everything going on in her life (mono, she had bronchitis on top of that, missing so much school, cheering, her dog TRASHED her room etc etc) and she was completely losing it. She of course took it out on him and was just being a major witch. Instead of telling her to go pound sand - he spent the day at the mall (with his friends no less) building her a Build-A-Bear doctor and surprised her that night by just dropping by and giving it to her - I was practically in tears over that one! Valentine's Day he made her a homemade heartshaped cake in a heartshaped ceramic plate and cupcakes and brought her roses, balloons and a wicker basket filled with hershey's kisses and heartshaped candles and brought it all to her in a blizzard. I could go on and on about all the things he does for her that just melt me, but that was just in the last 10 days and they've been together almost 7 mths. He's completely spoiled her for future boyfriends!!!

As far as the best friend vs boyfriend thing, I haven't been through this too much. DD had a best friend all through last school year but over the summer they seriously drifted apart and the best friend did some really stupid stuff that separated them - about that time was when the boyfriend came in dd's picture. The ex-best friend tends to think the boyfriend separated them, but in all honesty, I KNOW that's not the case. Now of her 4 best friends she has now (M, H, S, and K) - all of them started this school year and got boyfriends within the first month or two. (BTW no one wanted dd to date J, they had all had a crush on him at some point in their lives and he either played them or wanted nothing to do with them so they all thought he was doing the same to dd - ha so did I) M is still dating her bf and is completely obsessed with him - dd keeps trying to make plans with her but it never happens. H has gone through 2 bf's since the school year started and is working on her 3rd, dd is actually with her today. She is the sweetest, most laidback girl in the world and is happy for dd and her relationship. S is the one that will complain every now and then that dd spends too much time with bf *she had the hugest crush on him since she was like 8* but dd is good to make time for S. S has been single since about Nov I think. K started dating J's best friend about 2 mths after dd and J started dating and dd is best friends w/ K's boyfriend as well. K is always with her boyfriend, but she and dd just made the pact the other night that whenever dd's boyfriend and K's boyfriend are hanging out that K and dd will hang out. Since the ex-best friend, dd hasn't really had a BEST friend like I remember best friends being when I was in high school. But they are all there for her and support her, so I guess that's how it works now?




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

OK, kel, speaking as one who has lived thru military deployments - you WILL remember what *that* is!! LOL Might take a little bit to be totally comfortable around each other again, but you WILL remember! LOL At least I hope I'm not the only one out there who remembered - DIL was hinting about grandbabies a few months before DS came home, and I really want grandbabies - but they gotta "remember" if that's going to happen! ;)

I know what you mean about b/f being so sweet to DD - T is that way with N too. Even when she's in a super-witchy mood, he somehow gets her out of it... and if he doesn't he'll just sit with her while they watch tv - and agree with everything she says! Sheesh, I sure wish DH would, for just 24 hours, agree with everything I say! ;)
Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004

I think it's wonderful how this is affecting you.

However I can't help but wonder the reaction if a man posted this.
Would the flames fly for alleged sick projection of his lust for his daughter? ROFL...
Men generally do not enjoy watching their daughters "cuddle" with their boyfriends.
We've got a long..long way to go. :-)

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

I'm gonna have to take your word for it at the moment LOL. Dh has been home for about a week and he's already getting on my nerves. I know that sounds completely awful to all those that don't live through this lol and please don't think I'm evil!! I love my dh to death - but when he is at work, he is the "boss" and likes things done his way. I've been doing this by myself for the last year and a half (well 15 years but he used to actually sleep in the same house with us LOL) and I'm getting my nose bent out of shape - I've always been told this happens haha - I just never believed it! I just don't know how we are going to do this for the next 5 years 10mths lol (with him just visiting every so often)

DD and bf have the joke going that dd is ALWAYS right, does not matter what the subject is, but she is always right - it makes me gag LOL




Pages