Dd 14 is having TANTRUMS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2001
Dd 14 is having TANTRUMS!
10
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 11:28am

DD is having fits and being degrading to her brothers (twin 12 year olds) every day. I can't seem to stop her. She threatens to call the police and to break things if I threaten her with taking away her cell phone. Every time I tell her to do something she brings up how the boys never do things... Everytime I buy them something she gets angry that I didn't get her something that she wanted. She wants all the latest fashion items even if I don't agree or like them she goes on and on.....

Yesterday she had a shouting throwing match with her brothers in car on drive to go out to eat. Then she wouldn't go into the restaurant with us until after I sat and spoke with her for 1/2 an hour and then threatened to take her phone if she didn't come in. Then last night I asked her to help out setting table and putting things out for dinner, and also the boys. Well she right away started to delegate to the boys what they should do. When they refused, she went into shouting tantrum at the table until we had to physically remove her to her room. She never apologized or spoke since. She came down and made herself something to eat, but didn't acknowledge or speak to me, when I spoke.

Thanks,

Rainbow

"Life is not waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 12:38pm

One thing that jumped out at me is you mentioned threatening to take her phone away a couple times. Hopfully you carried through on your threats? If not it sounds like she knows exactly which buttons to push to get you angry, you threaten to take away the phone, then she threatens and then you back down. I'd let her call the police - what is she going to do - say her mom threatened to take her phone away because she was being a brat? If she breaks something on purpose the obvious consequence is that she pays for the repair/replacement and still doesn't have a phone. As for the tantrum she threw in the car - if she's throwing things at her brothers that can be a distraction to the driver. Perhaps a better way to handle it would be to stop the car, remove any items within her reach, and turn around and take her home. Going out to eat is a privilege that she should have lost with that behavior. From everything I hear those early teen years can be tough between moms and girls and some mouthiness/disrespect/etc. is probably normal and hormonal. But she still needs to show basic respect and manners and follow the rules. Hopefully some other people will have some ideas or insights here, too.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 4:58pm

This sounds a little more extreme than typical teenage girl behavior to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001
Tue, 08-16-2011 - 7:59am

Since this isn't the first time you have posted something like this I have to ask if you have ever had her in counseling ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2001
Tue, 08-16-2011 - 8:57am

Dd has gone through phases and she has been pretty good until the last couple of weeks. It's a matter of not having a schedule and order to the day. No summer camp planned since I'm out of work so kids are getting up whenever... I get my stuff done when they are sleeping.

Thanks,

Rainbow

"Life is not waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 08-16-2011 - 5:49pm

<>

That is likely about 90% of your problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 8:50am
bunnierose wrote:
If you waffle, you've lost the battle.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Thu, 08-18-2011 - 11:33pm

Dear Mdamom,

Unless you are as rich as Bill Gates, have an evergreening money tree in your back yard, a duck that lays golden eggs or a money printing press in your basement, you will never have enough money to meet the wants of a teenager.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Sat, 08-20-2011 - 9:40pm

Next time she gets this way in the restaurant parking lot, drive home, pull food out of the fridge, open a can of soup, or cook a pot of macaroni and cheese.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 08-22-2011 - 8:06pm

You do not have to answer to your 14 year old about how you parent your other children. Lots of teens complain about perceived unfairness in the way their parents treat their siblings, but they don't see the whole picture and it's none of their business. Whenever one of my kids does this, I just remind them that I parent each child individually, and try my best to be fair, even if they miss it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2001
Mon, 08-22-2011 - 9:35pm

Thanks for all your comments.

Our vacation was great as far as dd was concerned. DD already got over it by the next day and she was pretty much ok the entire time. But of course one of the twins is Mr.. Grumpy about any kind of out-of-the-house activity. He wanted to go home already whenever there was a moment that he didn't do what he wanted to do. The whole time he was grumbling at everyone about everything... I got sooo angry I refused to acknowledge anything he said and told him that he is in my bad books.

Thanks,

Rainbow

"Life is not waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain!"