dd 15 and myspace issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
dd 15 and myspace issues
14
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 7:57pm
my husband received a call today from his sister and she indicated that she seen my daughter's my space and there were some inappropriate things on there. so we made her bring it up and we viewed it. she indicated she was 17..her reason for that is because she said if she put herself younger, it was be made private and could not associate w/others. ok so, then we viewed her pics...she had a gummy bear party going on in one of the pics..well it was an orgy gummy bear party. quit an imagination. she had three paired up gummies in three different posses..one kissing, one on top of the other and the other one well..one was getting a sugar rush. my husband flipped and told her to remove all of the inappropriate items from it and his pic will go there w/a thretening note that no one is to post curse words or inappropriate things on there...she is angry and is stomping around...we should be the ones angry..she should be scared that we found this...what up w/kids??? any suggestions.

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Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 8:22pm

I had to laugh when I read about the gummy bears---she does have quite an imagination! It sounds funny in a crude slightly obscene way, frankly at first I was afraid you would tell us that the pictures would be of HER in those poses. I used to (secretly) look at the myspace pages of my dd and her friends (about a year ago) and I saw some things that were essentially pornographic involving humans; at least gummy bears don't have anatomical parts.

I don't know what to tell you to do about this situation. I guess it could be a lot worse, be glad that it was just gummy bears this time. Insist on having access to her pages so you can keep an eye on it. If she knows that you will be checking then she will probably keep it clean; but it is possible that she could start another page that she only visits from a friend's computer.

For what its worth, "this too shall pass". My dd20 is "over" myspace and deleted her pages a few months ago. Many people she knows still use it though, and she said that now many of the kids in their 20s put that they are under 14 so they CAN have a private page. They don't want all of those random "friends" of friends of friends reading their pages. Go figure!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 8:49pm

I'm with you elc, this too shall pass.... though as kids get older, the headaches keep getting bigger! The worst year yet as far as headaches go? 18-20!


I see nothing wrong with monitoring her pages, and teaching her to keep in appropriate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 7:12am

My DD14 has sort of drifted away from MySpace/Sconex/Facebook. She does Facebook a little, but not obsessively. So, I think most kids begin to see it's limitations.

I *do* think it's a lesson in what's private and what's not. I am upfront with talking wiht my DD about what's on her friends' sites and how it's not really private. She rolls her eyes at me every time there's a story in the news about one of these sites, but I think it's important to teach teens how to handle this environment. If we ban a site, they'll go to anoter one. Eventually, they'll be on their own, so I'd rather give my DD guidelines and teach her the consequences (pos and neg) of this kind of site so she'll know how to manage this going forward.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 11:51am
Well, after i read all of your responses, i chuckeled a little about the gummies too. but is was shocked seeing it was put together by my daughter!!! i guess it's things i don't want to believe. she began talking to us again because we are redoing her room. so while we were painting, i brought it up again and told her that some of the comments should have told her that other kids are perceiving this in a very sexual way and to remember that SHE is a lady and ladies don't act this way. she also has a bad mouth my son told me and i dicussed that too. she is so beautiful and to see a young lady like that w/this type of thinking it scares me. especially when she's mine. her whole attitude seems to be changing , and i don't like it. she's just not "sweet" anymore. she really has no problem saying what's on her mind to people and somethings she just needs to keep quiet about. i think that some of the girls at school probably think that she is an *itch cuz of how she acts. well, i am trying to remold her or should i just let her be? i can't let her be, i am constantly reminding her how others may perceive her when she acts like this. i'm exhausted between her and my 17 yr old ds. he's a hand full too. now he tells me he's not going to collage cuz he doesn't want us spending the $$$ sometimes i don't know if he's pulling my leg or serious ..he likes to get me going....arrrrrrrrrrrrr, thanks for the support and any other advice you can give me. thanx.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 1:03pm

Hello,
My name s Jessica. I am only 18 and i am definatly not a parent of a teen. but I am a teen.
I have to tell you, things will get better. I have a myspace and I have made mine private so I do not have to associate with the trouble making people that go on that site. My myspace page is strictly for family and friends on this site. I also have to tell you. If you had your daughter change her page so that she is 14 years old all her friends would still be allowed to view her page. the only people who will not be allowed to view her page are the ones that are NOT on her friends list. the page will come up blank saying this profile is private. The good news i can tell you. I'm pretty sure your daughter was not the one who made the gummy bear picture. I have seen that picture around on the internet alot. It's just an immature little joke young teens post on websites. I have deleted my profile quite a few time due to the immaturity of some people on that site. I have also had my mom delete mine due to an ex boyfriends family who was causing alot of trouble with me. My advice is to tell your daughter to make her profile private and to take down all inappropriate items on her page. You may also like to inform her that there is a way for you to keep an eye on her page and if you see something wrong there is something you can do about it. Like my mom did. she deleted mine. until i finally grew up enough to understand that the immaturity isnt worth the stress of myself or my family.

I hope i was able to help you out in some way. I understand the whole myspace situation and it can be quite stressful for parents.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 5:37pm
hI JESSICIA thanks for your input. oh, i thought she put the gummy bears together like that and took the pic. so this is one she got of the net. hummmmmm. she did make her profile private and i know who ever is on her list can view it. i think she made it private not becasue of security reasons but because she doesn't want us or the person who told us seeing it again. i just wish she would understand that we are not telling her this stuff cuz we want to give her a hard time but because we want to protect her and help her realize that this is not a way for a "lady" to act. i don't know if it will fade away, she is really into this..my son is even addicted to the comp. not myspace but a game he plays on line w/friends. the computer is a great tool to have but it's also dangerous. thanks again and good luck w/you new one. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 6:23pm
Yes, the internet can be a very addicting thing. You might want to remind your daughter over and over again that you are trying to protect her. i know my mom did and i finally got it through my head. i have a very close relationship with my mom. infact she is on this board. her name is Momof3grandmaof1.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 7:39pm
well, everytime i mention the myspace to my daughter she asks me what am i trying to prove. at dinner tonight i asked her if she made her's pvt to not allow us to view it or for her safety. she snapped and said that's what we wanted so she did...she further told me that she make the gummy pic. i can tell by the back ground. she had them laying on material that i recognize and she used her digital camera and loaded it on. she may have gotten the idea from on line. the more i think about it the more i think it was her own idea. and my son, he plays something like camelot. but is very moody and snaps on people and his pediatrician indicated that it is because of his withdrawls from the comp when he's not on or when we are telling him to get off. well, such is life and hopefully when my daughter is your age, she will think back and realize i was only trying to do best by her. too bad they don't see it when they are young.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 9:27pm

It sounds to me like both your DD AND your DS need a parentally enforced break from computer use.

As for the MySpace, I am one of those parents who just said 'no'. I have a log-in so that my DD can use to look up her friends, but frankly, she doesn't seem all that interested in it even then, or of having her own page and I can't recall ever finding her on it. I know there are lots of decent kids out there using it appropriately and innocently, but there seem to be an even larger number that don't.

My 12yo DS played a game called 'Runescape' for quite a while a year or two ago and I know how addicting that particular game is ... sounds similar to the one your DS is playing. I pulled the plug on that one when one of his classmates (and a neighbor) started calling him names and being hateful to him when he was on line. When DS texted him that I was standing there watching their convo, the kid instantly signed off and told DS the next day (unsolicited, I might add) that 'someone else was using his sign-on yesterday'. Yeah, right. You can imagine the neighborly feelings I have for this kid now.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 11:18pm
I'm pretty sure the gummi pics weren't her own idea -- the gummi pics have been around since I've been on MySpace (over two years now).

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