dd 15 and myspace issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
dd 15 and myspace issues
14
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 7:57pm
my husband received a call today from his sister and she indicated that she seen my daughter's my space and there were some inappropriate things on there. so we made her bring it up and we viewed it. she indicated she was 17..her reason for that is because she said if she put herself younger, it was be made private and could not associate w/others. ok so, then we viewed her pics...she had a gummy bear party going on in one of the pics..well it was an orgy gummy bear party. quit an imagination. she had three paired up gummies in three different posses..one kissing, one on top of the other and the other one well..one was getting a sugar rush. my husband flipped and told her to remove all of the inappropriate items from it and his pic will go there w/a thretening note that no one is to post curse words or inappropriate things on there...she is angry and is stomping around...we should be the ones angry..she should be scared that we found this...what up w/kids??? any suggestions.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2006
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 8:12am
My DD(14 next month) is totally obsessesd with myspace. We allow it but under certain conditions. We see it anytime we want and she deletes whatever we say. Also, I insist that her page be made private, and ONLY people that she approves be able to see her page. This business about your DD saying that she cannot associate with others if she puts her real age is nonsense. It sounds like hers is set up so that any stranger can view her profile. She CAN associate with any approved "friends" and still have a private profile with her true age. Myspace is set up that if you are 14 or 15, I think, on your age, that your profile is automatically private. DH and I now have joined myspace and mine says that I am 14 to keep my page completly private. (My DD added me as a "friend", so I can view her page any time I want with out having to have an argument about how often I check it (like 5-10 times a day!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 9:19am
did i say she said she could not associate with others if she puts her real age??? if i did, i was wrong...she said other's can't associate w/her only if she adds them as a friend. they talk to people from their friends page and adds them and so on. i don't like it ... at 13/14 i can better control it. but at 15 1/2 i think a girl gets to have a different mind set. i guess depending on the child. mine is getter very stubborn , more by the day. u are lucky your daughter is so willing to work w/you on this. hopefully she will remain that way when she's 15/16.
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 10:13am

There are so many online journals/websites out there and it would be very difficult for you to monitor all of them. If you forbade the MySpace or seriously put a message up there forbidding others from using foul language, etc., your dd could simply create a new name and/or use another website.

I think it's more important for you, H and your dd to talk about all the consequences of placing personal information on line, lying about her age, and conversing with people she doesn't know. Talk about appropriate boundaries. Talking about her natural curiosity surrounding sex, etc., is all normal, but she needs to use caution. Ask her how she feels about the gummy bears, about inappropriate language. Ask her what she was hoping to gain by posting her age as 17 rather than 15. Get the communication going without yelling or resorting to extreme measures like forbidding anything. Lastly, tell her that you will be monitoring her website and request that she inform you of any others. Tell her that if at any time you or H feel that she isn't being honest or up front with you about her on line activities, you will have a monitoring program installed on the computer and then DO it. Tell her you are only looking out for her best interests and not trying to squash her fun and freedom. Detail for her the many recent sexual assaults that have stemmed from inappropriate contacts via MySpace and the like. These are REAL issues and she needs to know that.

On our home computer we had double passwords (one to get on the puter and another to get on line), plus I received reports of my now 16dd's online activities. She was only allowed on line for ONE hour perday and never in a million years would I believe that she (15 at the time) was capable of meeting and conversing with someone and then arranging a meeting within one week outside our home. He was 29, a convicted felon (for sexual prior assault) and apparently a predator. He picked her up around the corner from our house on a Saturday morning and took her out of state. He sexually assualted her and dropped her down the street. Thankfully, he didn't kill her or kidnap her. And thankfully, one of her friends alerted me that afternoon and I was able to get the police involved. And thankfully, he is now serving a 6 year sentence and will have to register as a sex offender upon his release. The police told us that our dd didn't have a chance in hell up against someone of his expertise - he was a true predator and pedophile. He found her profile on line and then posted her AIM screenname onto his buddy list. When he saw her on line, he made contact and immediately started talking about one of the interests she listed in her webpage, Yankee baseball. In reading the AIM messages the police found on our computer we were able to see how he used her insecurities and interests to gain her trust. Once he had her trust, that was it. When I asked my dd if she was scared she said yes. I asked, "Then why didn't you change your mind and not get in his car?" and she said, "Because he seemed so nice and I didn't want to hurt his feelings." Fifteen year old girls are so vulnerable and many of them are insecure about who they are, how they look, what's cool, etc., that they are easy prey. My dd is not so gullible anymore and she is rarely on line except to download music. She almost never goes to MySpace or any other on line journal. She learned the hard way.

The internet is a wonderful tool, but it should also be noted that like everything else, it can be abused and therefore, should be monitored.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 8:24am

Hi -- new here, followed the cls sig line here and saw your header and thought I'd post here first ;-)


Both of my kids have a myspace, BOTH of them have their profiles private, as I told them that is the only way I'd allow them to have it to start with.


Both of them have been told that they are only allowed to add people as their friends they personally know.


I made a myspace myself and both of my kids on their own added me as their friend.


DS soon after had to delete some stuff.

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