DD had party while we were away

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
DD had party while we were away
2
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 1:59pm

I came home from a weekend away w/ DH to find out that DD (18) had some friends over while we were away. She probably could have gotten away w/ it except for the fact that someone left a Doritos bag in my bedroom. I don't know if "party" is really the proper word, it was probably more like having a few friends over. She said it was only girls and she had some sleep over who had been drinking. Although I certainly wouldn't want anyone driving drunk, I would prefer that noone would be drinking and then we wouldn't have to face that problem, but I guess that's what they all do. I'm sure she has taken advantage of other friend's parents being out for the night or on vacation. AT least the police weren't called, nothing was damaged and in fact she cleaned the whole house. I am upset that she had people sleeping over w/o telling me and used my bedroom (she slept there) and DSD's room. DSD actually tipped me off by noticing that her bed was made (she stayed at her grandmother's for the weekend). DD was supposed to be staying w/ her father, but apparently told him that she was staying w/ a friend. I was kind of afraid of this happening. She said she didn't mind staying there because 1) she didn't want to cook and 2) she didn't want to stay home alone.

DH & I have been having a not so great relationship lately and I was/am actually more upset if he gets upset. I am surprised he hasn't said anything because he noticed the doritos also. I'm sure he's not dumb, but he was happy that she cleaned the house and also that she's working the last 2 weeks before school. Besides telling her that I wasn't happy about it and why, I can't see how I could even punish her at this point. She is leaving for college a week from Fri, so what am I going to do?

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 2:46pm

I think you've done all that you can do at this point. Like you said, she's leaving in 2 weeks, she's 18 and you've already told her that you're disappointed in her. What else can you do? Nothing. She knows, it's over, she came clean, she cleaned up after herself, no one was hurt, etc.

I say it's just one of those things.

Unfortunately, when my then 18dd decided to invite a couple of friends over while we were away, they all invited more friends and there wound up being about 20 kids in my house! The cops were not called but as they were driving by, they noticed all the cars parked along our VERY narrow road and decided to stop and ask guests to move their cars. That's when they noticed the boys in my garage playing beer pong!! OMG!! One of the boys unwittingly let the cop in and they were all given breathalyzers and some were ticketed, including dd (esp since she was the hostess). Those who were ticketed were ordered to write me a note of apology, 3 days community service in the inner city (we live in the burbs) and the incident would be expunged from their records. Haha - It was the first time under the new statute that anyone in our town was ticketed for consumption or possession of alcohol by a minor so even the cops were a little confused as what to do. They made dd pour out all the beer (only 18 cans) on the lawn of the police station and because they didn't have enough room, they made all those ticketed follow them down to the station....the party had only been under way about 15 minutes, so no one was drunk yet. Whew - thank God. My dd called one of my best friends to meet her at the station. Anyway, it was a lesson learned and dd filled us in on every detail.

And my dd also cleaned the house!! Haha -

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 3:22pm

Those kids were lucky to only get a ticket. I pointed out to DD that in MA if a person under 21 has any alcohol violations, their driver's license can be suspended for 90 days, even if the drinking had nothing to do w/ driving! I'm glad actually that they do their drinking in someone's house cause I know there are kids who hang out in the woods or other public areas to drink, which is really stupid and more likely to get them caught. If they are quietly drinking in someone's house, the police aren't going to raid it. Plus they don't drive drunk.

We had this discussion when she came back from a cruise and had purchased a couple of bottles of liquor that I didn't take away from her. Now mind you, she was on the cruise w/ her dad and stepmother and he allowed her to drink, so I guess both of us are kind of complicit in the drinking aspect of this.

Now DH doesn't think that his DSD has tried any liquor (she has denied it). But he let her taste a kind of beer that he likes (he drinks about one beer a year) and she said "it tastes like Bud lite." Now how would she know this?