Dd has become quite opinionated

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Dd has become quite opinionated
24
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 6:46pm

When she came down with mono it was the start of the 2nd Semester and the beginnng of all of her new classes - Spanish I, English, Health, and Science. Health was a quarter class and she ended up only dropping Spanish which was a semester course (well and she dropped the honors section of English course). When she went back to school, originally she was given late arrival as she had no class 1st block - when she went back for good they put her in a study hall for that block.

She originally had some other class scheduled for 3rd block, but for some reason it wasn't available. This left her with 2 blank spots for 4th quarter and apparently the school has some regulation limiting the amount of study halls a student can take in one school year so they made her fill up both blocks. The only classes available to her were Journalism and Law for Business.

We are a military family - dh is active duty Army. The area we live in is pretty much anti-war, anti-military, etc... Totally new concept for dd as since she was 5 we have lived on military bases and gone to schools with children in her same situation.

Of course the hot topic in her Journalism class is the Iraq war. Dh just got back from Afghanistan and is scheduled to go to Iraq early 08. We had been extremely lucky as a military family as this recent trip to Afghanistan was dh's first deployment to a combat area, so we (she) have been spoiled in that regard. This past Christmas was the first Christmas w/out him, she just had her first bday w/out him, he will miss her 16th bday, etc. We don't watch the news, because all they show is the bad stuff (I DON'T want to debate the war please!!) and she and I both know there is more to it than that....

Apparently, a journalist from a local tv station was at some point embedded w/ the troops and was speaking to her Journalism class today. All he talked about was the killing and how the troops are raping people. DD had been prepared to ask the question "what good is going on there" but someone else beat her to it and his response was "nothing." I guess he kept going on and on about the killings - dd got up and left the class. She told her teacher (yes her teacher knows her situation, dd is quite vocal) she couldn't handle it. Her teacher basically called her "stupid for not letting someone else have an opinion"....

Dd went to another teacher and her guidance counselor and now has a meeting set up with the counselor, the journalism teacher and the principal. I asked dd if she would like me to attend and she said no.

Before we moved her I warned dd how it was going to be here. The talks have continued since, as we hear the anti-war/military sentiments everywhere, even with our family. I try to not let it get to me and tell her that "yes that's their opinion and thanks to the military they have that right."

She's very proud of her dad and it tore her apart when he was gone last year and will be gone next year. In my biased opinion, I think the teacher was way out of line and could have handled the situation a little bit better. Otoh, I feel dd should stop being so vocal - she has tried to make it her own personal crusade to share the good that we have accomplished (again, NOT DEBATING...) of course it falls on deaf ears for the most part.

She did not voluntarily take this class - she literally had no choice. I know she needs to get along with others with differing opinions, and she has tried but this woman apparently does nothing but talk bad on the military. The mom in me wants to go down and "freak out" in this meeting..... Dd has pointed out how different ALL of this school's staff is around parents than they are w/ just the students. Should I let her attempt to handle it on her own?

****Again, I don't want to debate or here the antiwar stuff here either, I love my husband and I have great respect for him and all the troops****

ETA: Apparently this state has had an ongoing problem in this department, I just found this: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,79857,00.html




Edited 5/14/2007 6:55 pm ET by kel7col4



Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 7:12pm

I'm sorry your dd is putting up with such an ignorant teacher. I don't dispute that teachers opinion but I do think that teachers need to encourage dialogue and understanding all points of view. One can have a position but one has to understand all angles of an issue and employ critical thinking to come to their own conclusions on an issue and that's the message teachers should be relaying.

My dd goes to a Catholic high school so you can imagine that they discuss alot of things that are contrary to a more moderate point of view. Issues like gay marriage, ordination of females into clergy, abortion, birth control etc are hot topics in the Catholic faith these days so there isn't alot of balanced presentation on these topics. It does mean more opinionated kids (and my dd is one) have to learn how to express their opinions and thoughts but don't expect much support from the school administration.

I am against war (who isn't really!!) but I understand the necessity of military action and I respect the work done by people. I also believe there is a great deal of propoganda, both pro and con the military, and you have to take everything you read and hear with a grain of salt because they aren't presenting all sides of the issues. When my dd covered the topic of the two World Wars and more current wars last year she too had a teacher with a strong anti-military mentality (and anti-American as we are Canadian) and it bothered her a great deal because she recognized that nothing is that black and white. We talked about it alot and eventually I just explained to her that you can't make anyone change the way they feel on an issue. It takes a great deal to change ones mind on something and esp if they have no first hand experience. Change can only come from within us and if we aren't open to hearing others and to the possibility that their is some truth and validity in other's viewpoints then we will never change.

And that's the problem with this issue becaues if the entire area you live in has strong anti-war sentiments a few lone voices isn't going to do much to change their minds. However living a life of example on how to listen and respect others opinions might open a few minds. I admire your dd for standing up for her beliefs and for her family. Good for her!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 8:17pm

"this woman apparently does nothing but talk bad on the military."

This is the way that your teen has described it to you. I have to admit that, as a teen, I was frequently guilty of exaggeration. Though your DD may be completely different. But honestly, do you know for sure what the teacher has said? And did you get your info verbatim, or with some spin?

If this problem continues, perhaps your DD should record the classes. Maybe she could get an A in journalism if she can write an accurate and well-balanced piece on this problem in the her classroom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 8:23pm

That's disgusting. I am shocked that the teacher would allow the journalist to say such things. Wheither one agrees with the war in Afghanistan and in Iraq is actually beside the point. What the journalist said was slander.

If I were you I would immediately make an appointment with the Principal. Write a very strong worded letter (perhaps if you know a lawyer he/she could help you) reminding the Principal that journalistic "qualified priviledge" does not allow he/she to make false,unproven statements. Although such behaviour does/will happen in the theatre of war..to insinuate that all of the troops are engaged in that behaviour is malicious.
Freedom of Expression is protected under your constitution but, under any constitution, there are limits to that freedom. Desemination of hatred, at least in my country and I expect in yours too, is not allowed.

This teacher needs to get a quick kick. He has to learn the difference between holding an honest and well-thought out opinion and preaching hatred. You know, as a Canadian I always
believed that the US was ill-advised to invade Iraq. I also, as a Canadian, concerned about the long term effectiveness of NATO's role in Afghanistan (Canada has troops there too and our losses are mounting). But that is a far cry from saying hateful things about the troops involved in the conflict. They are doing the best they can under very difficult
conditions and should be supported.

Give your daughter a hug for me and tell her she was right to leave the room.
You can tell that teacher for me he needs to apologize to your daughter.

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 10:43pm

Thank you all who responded and with such candor it is much appreciated!! She and I sat down and talked for the last 2 hours about the issue and I will say my normally ditzy child is quite knowledgable and well-versed on this subject, yet it is also a very emotional and touchy one for her.

I read an article she had that the embedded journalist had written and honestly it was very well-written and didn't sway for or against. Things she pointed out that offended her were her emotions getting to her and she took them out of context. I think the killing/raping part was exaggerated, but she is adamant that his answer to the question was "he saw nothing good over there." And that was when she walked out. She also never changes her version of the teacher calling her "stupid for not listening to someone else's opinion". She's convinced this teacher is out for her - loses her articles and such. She marked dd absent for today's walk-out (apparently dd told her on Friday she didn't think she would be able to handle listening to the speaker). Recently, the class was told to write down 5 ideas for the school paper and one of dd's ideas was the life of a "military brat" - that got slashed immediately. Dd says this teacher is very obvious of her distaste for the military and has pretty much convinced her entire class that the military sucks (again NO DEBATE NECESSARY).

In the almost 5 weeks she has been in the class, I have never heard dd say anything negative about this teacher until the Iraq War became an issue 2 weeks ago. This teacher said something that really hit a nerve with her (she couldn't remember exactly what it was but was going to ask another girl in her class that has similar thinking as dd if she remembers - hence the ditzy dd lol). Dd has been hearing this stuff for the last 2 years that we have lived here - again, from dh's family members, her boyfriends grandparents, friends, etc and she has been able to laugh it off. But I do know my dd, if you try and beat a dead horse with her and keep pushing your opinion she can only take so much.

She says that while this teacher's opinion being shoved down everyone's throats is bothering her, it's talking/hearing about the war itself that is her biggest issue. I don't know if sticking her head in the sand like I do is "healthy". She has no "issues" that require counseling - she does see the school counselor periodically due to a friend saying they were going to kill himself earlier in the year. DD had to see the counselor for that and dd told them her dad was deployed and they called her down every now and then to ask how she was doing (ha after reading that article in my previous post I know why now!!)

So all in all, I don't think dd gave the reporter a chance and I think (hope), possibly that is the point the teacher was attempting to get through to her with her thoughtless statement. Although no one has directly said anything to her about the military being evil - that is how the class is portraying it. She'll swallow it only so much before she starts spewing at the mouth and while I am very proud of her for being so proud of her dad, I agree that she will never be able to change the minds of those that are being taught this. Not only from this teacher but their families as well.

I have to point out dd is not one of those super-sensitive girls that lets everything get to them - she really does have elephant skin and let's things roll off.

I'm not quite sure how I am going to handle it. I was wrong, the meeting is only with the counselor and the principal so I think I will wait to see how that goes and how her teacher continues to interact with her. Dd doesn't expect tippy toes around her, but I do understand how the continued negativity would bother her.

Oh and I know this teacher must have said something extreme as dd has told me of conversations with her other teachers on the same subject. Her english teacher feels basically the same as the journalism teacher, but she says he doesn't push his views. She says he actual discusses this issues and they may debate to an extent, but it's not one-sided. They were watching Pearl Harbor at some point and he gave her the option of leaving if it bothered her. She had a teacher in 8th grade that assigned an interesting assignment comparing and contrasting 9/11 and Pearl Harbor - he gave dd the option of not participating. She had no problem with it and she actually taught HIM a few things.

Also, for those that haven't read my previous whines - dh, being in the military, hasn't lived with us for the last year and a half and more than likely won't for the next 5 and a half years (long story). I just wanted to add to why this is such a testy subject for her. She was very much a daddy's girl prior to this too. She has her times when she has much dislike for the military because of this, but she is extremely proud of him in the same breath!




iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 7:39am

I can see similar personality traits in my DD - and I'm trying to see it as a really important part of growing up. They're forming their own opinions (very strong) but also learning how and where to express them. And how to get along with people who disagree with them. DD has said a few times that she has "kept her mouth closed" when someone's expressing an opinion that she strongly disagrees with. We've had some discussion about how being able to do this is part of adult success.

FWIW I don't think the teacher was right to put your DD in such a tough spot - sometimes teachers step over the line. But also I agree with a prior poster that sometimes what my DD reports and what actually happened are a little different (LOL - dont' thing *all* her teachers are really THAT stupid).

((HUGS))

Sue

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 7:51am

First of all, Thanks to your husband for serving!!!! Thank you for being a military Wife, and sacrificing all you do for our freedom and safety. I would be Irate as a parent that a child has to listen to this!!! This is wrong, It is ok to have political/War opinions, but it is NOT ok to bring it into our schools. If I were you, I would take this issue to the Top of the chain. I would hope that some other kids or family's not just Military would take this to the top! If Someone came in and talked very one-sided about Stem-cell research or Gay marraige and it being morally wrong (not necesarrly my view, jut the idea) You can bet your bottom dollar, that it would be delt with.

Good Luck to you and I am sorry for your family that you would even have to go through this!

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 8:17am

No anti-war/anti-military rhetoric from me kel. Hubby is retired army, two DSs are army, one DS is USMC (and he is currently home on leave after his tour of duty in Iraq! Woo HOO!!) We live in a fairly anti-war area too, and it's hard on everyone to have to listen to that. My DD is highly opinionated too, but is learning how and when to express those opinions appropraitely - all part of growing up. She's gotten into debates with teachers about the military many times, but from everything I've heard from her, these are not one sided debates, and her history teacher (who is head of that dept) is so good at debating both sides of any given issue, that the kids aren't sure where he stands personally. THAT is the way teachers should be teaching kids to express their opinion IMHO, because it makes kids on all sides of the issue think about what they are saying and have information to back up their opinions. When J had this man for a teacher, he was sure the guy was really wishy washy when it came to politics, because the opinion he expressed depended on who he was talking to. Nope, the guy just works really hard to make the kids THINK rather than just spit out information.

If your DD is confident in her ability to handle this one on her own, I'd let her do it - just another step in learning to think for one self.
Rose

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 8:43am
I would be so proud to see dd with an opinion about something so important and not afraid to share it.
Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 12:38pm

Thanks again everyone, I am anxiously waiting to hear how her meeting went and will update. To add to everything, I just heard that the missing soldiers are from her dad's base :(

ETA: I forgot to mention that dh lived in this community his whole life prior to the military and graduated from this very high school that dd attends...




Edited 5/15/2007 12:53 pm ET by kel7col4



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 2:30pm

It happens vice versa, also.

We live in Central Texas. Enough said, I imagine.

zz

Pages