DD & older BF
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DD & older BF
| Tue, 07-10-2007 - 10:01pm |
I don't know what to do!!! My 16 yr old DD is seeing a 20 yr old. I have to say he seems nice, but I just can't feel comfortable about what/why he wants to see someone so young. Unfortunately (for me!!) I've been told often enough that she's really beautiful both in looks & demeanor that I believe it & worry that he might be after something. Or, maybe not, but if she puts on the charm too much, he may not be able to stop. I have talked til I'm blue in the face about the age difference, about the concerns of their sleeping together, about her maybe getting hurt. I've even tried having a man tell her what men that age might be feeling hormones etc but nothing has worked. I know I can't say no or she'll go behind my back anyway. In fact, she denied it for a long time- don't know why- before I found out she'd been lying. I don't want her hurt. She says she's not going to do it, but somehow always wants to spend a lot of time alone with him- doesn't want to bring him here.I've talked to her about seeing a dr which is fine, but I'm not as worried about pregnancy (though I certainly don't want it) as about STD. I've told her that to win me over I'd like to see his test results. I'd feel alot better about her losing her virginity if it wasn't with someone I feel might be taking advantage of her. I know I sound wacko but 'm so frazzled & don't know what to do!!!!!!

Hugs Carol.
I've met him, they've been dating a few months- luckily she was gone for over 1 month of that time & in school the rest of the time. He has come over here & is a nice guy.Your idea about talking directly with him about my expectations sounds terrific & I'll do that right way!
Carol
My experience, watching my DSs and their friends - if a guy that is 21 or under is seeing a younger girl, it's almost always coz he enjoys her company, they're friends, they like doing things together.
I think the advice to get to know him is great, actually good to do regardless of age!
Sharon
I would wonder, as you do, why a 20year old man is interested in a 16yo girl. I don't assume there's something "wrong", but it would get my radar up. I say keep your eyes open, and go with your gut. If you feel that it's not a balanced happy relationship, then you're probably right. If you think he's a nice guy and a good friend to her, I'd say give them some leeway.
That said - I think my DD is mature, intelligent, and interesting, but I would be very surprised and not too happy if a 20 year old man asked her out.
Sue