DD out of control!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
DD out of control!
32
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 4:41pm

Just when DH and I think we are in control of our 'fun-loving' teen, I found out we are not. We insist on knowing

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: karezz
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 5:01pm

Well, you're no different from any other parent of a teen who thinks they are "in control". I thought that too, for a time. Snooping and computer monitoring taught me otherwise. I think more parents should do the same. It does not help to hide your head in the sand, as some do and assume that good grades = good kids. Oh boy, I could tell you stories! Sometimes I think the straight A students are the worst - after all, they are smart! I fully sympathetize with your situation. But at least now you're all the wiser - having her call from landlines, etc. Talk to some of the other parents. Make sure they know, too. I wish we could go back to the days of "it takes a village to raise a child". If anyone thinks we have that now, they are in la-la land. We are way too polarized as a society to have such a type of mentality. We live in a society in which many parents are their teen's "friend", providing alcohol, birth control, and the opportunities because they don't want to deprive them of those early experiences. This is what we have to deal with in raising our teens - in other words, the world against us!

As far as talking to the other parents, a friend recently told me what they do in their small 9,000 population community: in order not to "tread on anyone's toes", the call comes in anonymously from a source (another parent) advising you to check your dd's "my space", etc. This way there are no fights between the parents and issues of denial and who started what and why. kwim? I've yet to try this...

I recently asked my dh why it is that some parents seem to have such "perfect teens" and my dh then commented, "Those are the parents who don't know yet. Their kids are particularly sly." Hmmmmmmm......

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
In reply to: karezz
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 5:17pm

Thanks! It helps to know I am not insane!! As far as letting the other parents in on it - not feasible. As you say, their heads are in the sand. I have reached out to the parents of her two closest friends and met resistance before. They think they are on top of things, but I know they aren't.


What would you do if she were your teen? Do I stop her from going out with these friends since I now know what they are up to? If I do that, she has no friends. As it is I get resistance about not letting her 'hang out' on school days. How do I stop this craziness - what happens when she gets her license and is still out of control?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: karezz
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 8:46pm

I'm just going to throw something out here ladies....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: karezz
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 8:54pm
I have a friend going through this right now! I have no advice, but want to reassure you how it happens to even the best parents who really think they are "on top" of things. In fact, my friend's daughter is headed for some SERIOUS problems, especially with alcohol, and my friend was shocked by how disinterested the parents of the other girls involved were. The thing is, I teach in the girl's high school, and so I know that even when my friend THOUGHT she'd cracked down really hard and had things under control, L. (the girl) was STILL running wild! I guess that's why they say that it takes a village to raise a child - none of us can be everywhere and see everything!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
In reply to: karezz
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 9:09am
It's tough raising teens, isn't it?
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
In reply to: karezz
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 9:49am

You are right. AND, these ARE things I did as a teen. I wasn't as closely monitored as my DD is and I AM making myself crazy over typical adolescent stuff. But there is the risk of things getting out of control: alcohol and drug additions, STDs, drunk driving, date rape....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
In reply to: karezz
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 9:50am

Thanks Pam! That's just what I am going to do. I wish those creatures came with instruction booklets!!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2006
In reply to: karezz
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 11:05am

When me and my friends were 15 thru 18, the following happened weekly:

Sex, drugs, drinking, driving while intoxicated.
My parents had either NO idea, or buried their head in the sand. I was a B/C student.

Today, I am the father of three with an Executive job with a house and two auto's.
Completely out of control behavior as a teen? Yes. Lifelong memories of the fun we had? Yes. Turned out great with no repercussions of the crazy years? Yes.

Maybe i'm one of the lucky ones, but I know dozens of people like me. Well rounded stable adults who were nutz in high school.

don't sweat it so much. she'll be fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2006
In reply to: karezz
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 11:32am
It sounds like she is still keeping her grades up, and you are keeping close tabs (the best you can, anyway). You are absolutely right to stay on top of things. I gotta say, you can never be too careful in protecting your DD. Growing up my mom was single raising 5 kids, 3 being teens, she didn't keep close tabs and I got into alot of trouble. My friends and I drank, did drugs, had sex. We were good kids, too. Honors student, cheerleaders, athletes. I don't still keep in touch with everyone, but the ones that I do are doing pretty well, so if you get out alive, most people pull their act together. The point I'm trying to make is that if there is ANY DRINKING AND DRIVING you HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT. I personally know/knew an honor student cheerleader who was out for a little harmless fun with her friends who was killed in a drunk driving accident. I also worked with a lady who's son was a drunk driver who killed someone (BTW-she knew that he drank, and chose not to do anything about it). Teens think they are invincible, and as a responsible parent you have to let them know they are not and try to protect them, their very lives could depend on it. While I'm at it, in my circle of friends there were 3 cases of date rape, and teen pregnancy, and at least 1 STD.
It seems to me that you are on the right track with your DD. Best of luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
In reply to: karezz
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 12:31pm

I am right with you on this. I was no angel and DH was even worse. We are both very successful.


I just can't get my head around "don't sweat it so much. she'll be fine".

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