DD setting sites on older guys because..
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|Sun, 04-27-2003 - 3:47pm|
Over the past year, she has been in friendship-development mode w/3-4 aged 13-14 boys she knows - she had a crush on one of them - and she told me that each time, inexplicably, these guys just stopped trying to get to know her. 3 of these boys initiated contact w/her by asking her to dance at dances and then exchanging email addresses w/her or getting her screen name from a mutual friend (she already knew the boys - they had changed schools or just never knew her screen name)and IM'ing her first. None of them are her classmates. She knew them all through extra-curricular activities or they were prior classmates that changed schools.
My DD is a very level-headed girl and would try to get more acquainted by discussing things like mutual music taste, extra-curricular activities, family activities, etc. She isn't a big "flirt" and doesn't talk "sexy". From what I've observed and from what she's told me, she basically talked to them like another guy would. The IM'ing and emailing would continue for a period of time and then they would just stop and she wouldn't continue after a point because she says that she (like anyone) got tired of always making the effort. She's a very funny and easy-to-talk-to girl and she's also very beautiful and I'm not just speaking as a mom - She's beautiful in the teenage boy definition. I think this bears mentioning since at this age many boys and girls don't look beyond the "cover".
Well, now she has told me that when she enters high school in September, she's setting her sites on the Junior and Senior boys at the private boys' school that is brother school to her girls' school. She won't be allowed to date, but I can see that I may be in for some storms on the horizon, since there have already been some (quickly quashed by DH and me)interests expressed by older boys. When I tell her that this won't be allowed, she flings herself on the bed and asks what should she do when guys her own age don't "even want to be her friend". My and DH's answer: "Keep involved w/activities and keep your nose to the grindstone at school and forget about boys for awhile", but I know that the male/female stuff can't totally be ignored at this age and I don't want to sound totally insensitive. Also, I know that the way these other friendships did not develop has put her into "What's wrong w/me?" mode to some extent. As a note, my DD has a large group of girlfriends both inside and outside school, so she has no problem making friends.
Also, I should note that she has developed 5 friendships w/older girls - Freshman through Junior. It amazes me, but these girls seem to have no problem bumming around w/my DD. I always had the impression that a Sophomore, for example, wouldn't be caught dead hanging out with an 8th grader. My DD is quite a bit older looking, though and no one seems to believe she's only 13 going on 14, but these girls do know her age. My fear here is that these girls will give my DD some access to older boys. Some hints have been dropped already. The girls are all very nice and well-behaved, however, and haven't tried to get my DD to go in cars w/them or anything like that.
Any suggestions? Or, have you dealt w/this, too?