DD in trouble again WWYD

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
DD in trouble again WWYD
11
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 7:58am

I have a DD who is 14 and due to us not getting along very well years ago she went and moved in with her dad. Everything was good, for awhile, till she started getting very depressed. We got over that and got her back on track, doing great in school. My main problem is I think her dad is too hard on her. Here's the problem

Dad called last night she was bawling in the backround. He said she ran the cell phone bill up to $300 by sending/recieving over 1000 textmessages. I did try to explain if her friends text message her she will be charged. Basically he said he took away: cell phone, computer usage, and said no to a concert she was going to this weekend.

I feel he went overboard with his punishment. I'm also to the point of asking her again if she wants to move back in with me and my boyfriend. They get along great, and her and I have nice weekends together.

What do you all think?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 8:17pm

Well, I just got off the phone with DD a little bit ago. She was asking me to take her and her friend to the mall and then go pick them up when it closes. Apparently Dad said it was ok, but he wouldn't run her to the mall tonight (20 min drive) and take her to the concert tomorrow (30 min drive). She needed to pick one or the other, or find other transportation. I'm like What, you are now going to the concert. It's at a local club that often has all age concerts. I asked to talk with Dad and he's like yeah, I'm letting her go.

I had tried to make the point to him the other night, Make the punishment fit the crime. I guess in his anger, he decided to take anything and everything she finds important at this point in her life. Ends up she didn't get to the mall. It was after 6:30pm and I would have had to drive 15 mins to pick her up, 20 mins to the mall, then back to my house to wait for about an hour or two, back to the mall, 20 mins to her house, then back to my house. UM, NO Too much running for such a little time, and I explained, I have a 4-month-old that needs his bath, bed, and my boyfriend was just getting home and we needed to have dinner. Just way too much to do, and too little time.

She agreed, and we ended on the note, that my boyfriend would pick her up at the concert tomorrow night, and we would try to get to the mall this weekend. All apparently is good again.

On the moving back in, I've suggested several times to her that she is always welcome to live with us. At this point she doesn't want to leave her friends. But I want her to know our door is always open, so she doesn't feel like I abandoned her. I've come to find I've got major abandonment issues in my life that go back to my dad leaving when I was 2. This has affected my past and current relationships and leaves me with a very low self esteem, somedays I just can't stand myself and feel I'm not worthy of anyone. I don't want her to feel that way when she grows up.

Thanks for all your opinions. Raising Teens is a tough job.

Dee

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