DD wants to dye her hair.....green

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2013
DD wants to dye her hair.....green
11
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 11:24am

I have a 12 year old daughter (turns 13 next month) who has just informed me that she'd like to dye her hair green. Sigh. I asked if maybe she just meant green streaks? Nope. She wants all of it green. Um, okay. Told her I would need to think about this. I guess there's nothing technically wrong with it but all of it? Green? Do they even sell over the counter green hair dye?!?

Thoughts?

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 11:49am

LOL!  Oh yes, they do.  Its a temporary color, so honestly I wouldn't be too worried about it.  My ODD has never wanted a drastic hair color change, she's done purple tips, regular high lights, blond underneath, her normal dark brown over top, etc.  This is just my personal opinion, but I am much more open to hair color changes than to anything else, especially at that age, such as piercings, etc.  I would put conditions on it, obviously she would have to wait til school got out for the summer, as I am assuming its against school dress code, and it would have to be back to her normal hair color when school or any school related practices started at the end of the summer.  I think by restricting stuff like that, you set yourself up for more rebellion farther down the line.  My ODD came to me a few days after her 18th birthday and asked if she could get her belly pierced.  She gave me all the pros and cons to it, showed me how she had thought it through, figured out timelines for piercing based on healing time and events she had coming up etc.  I chuckled and told her I was not opposed at all, after all I have one, how hypocritical would it be, and frankly, she was 18 now, she could do it without consulting me.  But I appreciated the fact that she still asked my permission and asked me to go with her to get it done.  Another poster said it once and it has always stuck in my mind, there are bigger hills to die on in the rearing of the teenager (though I know she said it more elequently than that).  This is not a hill to die on IMO.  (now if I could remember that when I am struggling with my 3 year old at bedtime and she is laughing at me...)

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Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 12:16pm

I agree with Arryl that temporary hair color is a pretty risk free way to experiment. I would also require that it not conflict with school schedules, upcoming weddings, etc but otherwise let her have fun with it. I would not let her bleach her hair first though, based on my dd's experiences that seems to open the door for later problems that require an (expensive) professional fix.

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 12:23pm

If she's in school, check the dress code. Many middle schools have rules agaist "unnatural" colors for hair outside of special dress-up days. I'd check with some activities like if she is in her school band and this is often rating season... band director may not appreciate a green head when they are trying to look professional and uniform in front of the judges. Things like that.

Personally, I'd ask my kid to wait until summer for such an extreme color but I'd let them try it if they felt a strong desire.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 3:06pm
As much as I would hate it, agree with the others that barring any school codes or other events, better this than something more drastic!

Chelsea

"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open."

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Thu, 04-25-2013 - 11:50am

While there's part of me that agrees that there are bigger hills to die on, I would have a problem with this.  My kids have never dyed their hair and I still look at dyed hair on teens as kind of "ugh."  I'm not sure why, since I colored my hair in college and have been coloring it regularly since I was in my mid-20s (I'm 50).  I guess I just hate to see something so beautiful and natural be ruined (all my kids have GORGEOUS hair that's a combo of DH's thickness and my waves - much better than either DH or I have).

OTOH when my oldest was in middle & high school, she wore quite heavy eye makeup.  I almost couldn't convince her to take it off before going on a 2-week Outward Bound camping trip, though I did succeed.  Mostly I just bit my tongue and figured she was going through a stage and I should let it go.  (And it did turn out to be a stage, since she turned out to be transgender and has now worn men's clothes & zero makeup for 3 years - but that's another story.)

Sooooo if it were my child I *guess* I would say OK and just try to ignore it.  The only things I would really put my foot down about are tattoos because they're permanent.  To this day none of my kids have tattoos, for which I'm deeply grateful - not because I think tattoos are awful, I just think it's silly to get one when you're young.  If you won't be wearing the same clothes at 28 as you did at 18, what makes you think you'll want to see the same ink on your body at 28?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Thu, 04-25-2013 - 9:02pm

Welcome to our corner of the village and for those of us old tired worn out parents now exiting the TEEN ZONE, this thread brings back so many good memories. LOL As my mother told me, these are YOUR GOLDEN YEARS and they coincide with the years when the kids are driving you nuts. LOL That last sentence is both a joke and true.

Stalling for the purpose of having time t think things thorough is always a good idea. While your thinking sometimes the issue goes off their radar screen, avoiding the fight..

I think it was Rose, the wife and mother of two, maybe three sons, who have or are still serving in the Army, who said something along the lines of, “it would not be a hill I would choose to die on.” That is probably a military term for picking your battles carefully. Wise to do so.

The term I would use is the question, “Is this peanuts or an Elephant size issue?” And that is a personal decision for every parent to make.

Our two daughters, now 20 and 21, never wanted to dye their hair, but I think I would have considered that to be peanuts as it is not permanent and fairly easy to reverse. Ours got their navels pierced at 14 and 15, which hubby did not like, but understood that it was just part of teens today. Can’t remember for sure, but I think I had to sign for it. I went with them and the two loser boyfriends we now call SILs. (Joking about the loser part. We would pick them over and over again.) We would NOT have allowed nose, eyebrow, lips, tongues, etcetera. Same with tattoos, but there were a few times that they wore the TEMPORARY type, like a tribal on the lower back above the bikini. And they have no permanent tattoos to this day. (At least none that are visible from the outside of a bikini. I should ask our OBbyn what she has seen. LOL)

I would probably come down on the side of OK with conditions, like the cost of this dye job and reversing it comes out of her money, not the family money. Any money spent on this is out of her allowance, mowing earnings, birthday, or Christmas money, not the family money. As some of the others above posted, I would not let it happen during a family event like a family wedding. You don’t want the girl with green hair to be more noticeable than the bride in the bride’s picture album. She may want it, but the Bride may not.

I think this does two things. It keeps you from being at odds over something that probably is not very important in the long run and allows you to use your parental VETO powers on the ELEPHANT issues later on, like a tattoo of a parrot over the left or right breast, which I have seen on teen girls. Bet those parrots will look cool when they are 45 with sagging, etcetera.

Let her know that you appreciate her discussing it with you and that there may be things that you will not agree to later on. In military lingo, I think that is called something like “prepping the battlefield” ahead of time. And always listen to the argument they make and discuss it with an open mind. That open mind does not include caving.

And you may along the way have to swallow a few elephants, which from experience I can tell you that they can actually be quite delicious. LOL But, that’s another story.

Thirteen and the summer before eighth grade is a great time for turning over to your daughter her share of the family budget for her cloths, incidentals like makeup, hair care, etcetera, entertainment like movie money, school lunch money, allowance, and with that money, the duty to spend wisely. With restrictions like not dressing like a stripper, hoe cake, or a homeless person, and accounting for every dime so that the money doesn’t end up being smoked in a bong, snorted through a straw, or injected into a vain. If ours wanted cell phones, they had to find the money in their budget or their work earnings. Ours chose not to have phones because they wanted to spend that money on other things. We were astonished by how careful ours were with THEIR MONEY. Sack lunches and shopping at thrift stores became very acceptable to them and the guys. Doing this stopped a lot of arguments. More importantly they learned habits that will serve them extremely well for the rest of their lives.

Enjoy YOUR GOLDEN YEARS!!!!!!

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Fri, 04-26-2013 - 10:29am

Well written arryl and I hesitantly agree, Lol! DD2 wants to dye her hair pink and I about fell off the chair when she told me the first time.. But frankly, there are bigger hills than this! I spent 60.00 for her sister to get blonde streaks in her hair the Summer before she started 9th grade (high school here) and DD2 is going to get that opportunity this Summer now too, If she choses pink I will bite my tongue but I'm going to get as many people on my side to encourage something less bold.....

 

 

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-1999
Fri, 05-03-2013 - 1:37pm

When my DD was that age, she wanted pink hair.  The deal I made with her was that she had to wait until after the spring choir concert (the choir director didn't approve of Technicolor hair).  There is a product called Splat that's available at Walgreens and that's what we used.  I pulled strands through a cap and she ended up with hot pink streaks in her hair all summer.  It lasted way longer than we had anticipated.  If you do use Splat, don't use the bleaching product that comes in the box.  DD got pretty tired of her pink hair by the end of the summer and did not ask to do it again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Fri, 05-03-2013 - 3:02pm

My D went thru a hair-dyeing phase at that age. Lots of middle schoolers do. We figured that as long as it wasn't a piercing or tattoo she was asking for, it was fine. They sell non-permanent hair dyes in lots of colors. These grow out in about 6 weeks, longer if she's blonde. If you don't mind spending the money, you may want to have a salon do it. DD had a friend do hers for her and it came out rather blotchy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Fri, 05-03-2013 - 3:06pm

"I think by restricting stuff like that, you set yourself up for more rebellion farther down the line." You said it!

Even my daughter acknowledged that if we had been strict about stuff like that, she would have rebelled a lot more....makes me feel a lot better about letting her dye her hair a hideous reddish purple and check out trashy books from the library!  And she did eventually conclude that these things were not for her, but I don't know if that would have happened if they'd been forbidden fruit.

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