dd wants to quit dancing
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dd wants to quit dancing
| Wed, 08-02-2006 - 11:20am |
my dd is 15. she has been dancing for about 7 years and has spent the last 2 years on a competition team. They practice 3 days a week. she recently has been telling me she wants to quit and she is sick of it. I really don't want her to quit, it is so good for her in so many ways. It keeps her focused on something good and out of trouble. She love s to hang out with her friends and I wonder is that is part of it, maybe she is feeling inadequate. What can I tell her to encourage her to keep with it?
Thanks for any thoughts,
Jana

I took piano lessons for 10 years, starting at 1st grade. My teacher (who was an old single lady and also a high school teacher) made us do competitions and belong to a club where we played a recital once a month (different kids took turns playing). Also, she only allowed us to play Classical music (although since I could read music, I could teach myself to play popular music). When I was in 9th or 10th grade, I decided to quit taking lessons. I think it came about after one competition where noone won the prize because she and/or the other judges said noone was good enough to win. That's kind of stupid. Even in the World Series, both teams might play really badly, but someone still wins, right?
Well, my parents didn't force me to keep going and I really have never regretted it. I still have a piano even now although I don't play as much as I used to. Once you learn how to read music, you never forget. Yes, I'm sure some of it was that I didn't want to go to those stupid recitals on a Friday night, which was the same night as basketball games. It's not like I just sat around after that, either. I became a cheerleader (and I was never athletic), I was in plays as a dancer, I was in the Italian club, etc.
So maybe it will be good for your DD to try something new and she feels like dancing 3 days a week is taking up too much time. I guess I'd say that she can quit, but you would still like her to join some kind of club or sport at school because it's not good to have no activities when you try to get into college. Also, are her friends good kids or the kind you would be worried about her spending too much time with?
We were in the same boat - my dd is an irish step dancer - lessons since the age of 7 - once you reach a certain level, in our school at least, more emphasis was on competing than performing. She did compete and did quite well, but once high school started it was harder to juggle the extra practices and other events as well. One by one her other friends started to quit and this past January she did too. Last week at class (my youngest dd still does it) someone asked her if she missed it and she said yes. I think if they had a performance class she'd still do it but didn't want the stress and time consumption that competing took (and honestly, she isn't going to college on and Irish Dance scholarship!)
If you dd wants to quit, let her, but make sure she finds another activity to take it's place - try something new - my dd is in soccer and marching band. I think her quitting was harder on me than it was on her - the time I spent taking her to class was quickly replaced by something else!
Good luck!
Mom to Emily (18), Conor (17) and Hannah (12)
Wife to David - 8/20/88
I think it depends on your dd and how she is telling you. For example, my dd(14) took ballet lessons for well over 8 years (and it cost me a bunch of money!), but she loved doing it for the longest time. Around year 8, she wasn't progressing as well as I thought she should, so I told her she had to start getting serious about it or I wasn't going to pay for lessons anymore. At that time she gave it a lot of thought, and then decided to quit. She also took piano lessons for approximately 4 years, but then was practicing less and less. I finally allowed her to quit piano, as well. She has not been in any extracurricular activities for the past 2 years (7th and 8th grades), and in hindsight, I think that was a mistake. Therefore, I am "making" her join a school activity this year (I am encouraging her to join the photography club, because she is very good at graphics of all kinds). On the other hand, I told my ds(11) that he had to take piano lessons for one year and then he could quit. Well, he has now been taking lessons for almost 2 years and is still going strong. HOWEVER, last night he said he didn't want to practice any more and he wasn't going to take any more lessons. Because I knew he was saying this in anger, I basically ignored his comments other than to say I wasn't going to then sign him up for soccer. About an hour later, he started practicing the piano. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that if your dd is impulsively saying she wants to quit, then I would encourage her to stay with it. But if she still saying this after a reasonable period of time or she shows that she has given this some thought, then I would let her quit. But IMO, most kids (including teens) should have an "outside of school" interest or activity to be involved in.
Amelia
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Can you explain this a little more?
My dd is almost 15 and has been dancing since the age of 3. She's been competing since age 7. Right now she dances 10 hrs a week at the studio over and above the dancing she does at high school as part of an arts program. I'd say I have the opposite issue -- I'd love her to cut back a little because she gets really stretched thin between school work and social activities the classes and competitions. She actually is in the middle of an episode of amennorhea (ie where her periods stop) as often happens with high level athletes and dancers due to overexercising, stress and low body fat.
For this year, as she is going into 10th grade, I am letting her stick to her crazy/nuts schedule but next year I'm going to ask her to pull back. Some studios offer scaled back programs for older students where they compete less or not at all and they take fewer hours. If you'd like your daughter to continue why not make that suggestion? Ie why not sit together, select a few key classes that she enjoys to keep her in shape and occupied and maybe she'd prefer that. Maybe she could scale back on competition if that's too much -- ie she might enjoy more recreational focus without the pressure of competition.
Some studios are really strict with the older students compelling them to take so many hours and required courses. But I know in my area I have at least one studio that is strictly recreational and I find that alot of teen girls take the classes together in a lower stress, fun environment.
sorry, I put two thoughts into one sentence...
She loves to be with her friends and since she is dancing three nihgts she misses out on whatever her friends are doing. I think she may be feeling inadequate in that a lot of the girls are better in her eyes and she feels she isn't keeping up with them on a dancing skill level.
jana
I love this idea of recreational classes. I know she loves ballet and just doing that without competing would be appealing to her. We'll have to look into that.
Thanks for all your replies. I knew I would get a lot of insight from the board.
Jana