DD15 still out of control
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DD15 still out of control
| Wed, 07-04-2007 - 12:54am |
This is just a rant to get all this off my chest. I posted a few months ago about DD15 who is really driving me close to the "edge of the cliff" for the past year. DD has been binge drinking, using pot, and engaging in very risky / bad decisions for the past year. We brought her to a psychiatrist and she declined medication. She started seeing a counselor... I was hopeful that maybe she was getting her life under control.
The counselor advised me and DH to be more strict. She said we need clearer guidelines and consequences for breaking of rules. A few days after her 1st therapy session, I found a bag of pot in her drawer. We confronted her, took the pot and grounded her for 2 weeks. She was totally grounded.... no one could stop by, no computer, no phone.... nothing. She was in a great mood for the 2 weeks.... almost seemed like a different person. Then, the 1st night she was ungrounded, she went out with friends to a party. We got a call at 11:00 PM from her friend, that DD was in "bad" shape. DH drove to the party where DD was incoherent from alcohol. She knew that if she consumed ANY alcohol (which we told her we would confirm with our home breath tester) that she would be grounded for 1 month.She told us the next day that she went to the party intending to drink and since she would be grounded for any alcohol... she decided to go all out and get totally wasted.
So... now she is grounded for a month and doesn't really seem too upset by this.
I'm starting to think that DD likes to be grounded. Maybe it takes some social pressures and decision-making away. I'm also starting to think that DD really has some issues with alcohol. Any thoughts? Any ideas? I don't know what else to do. All the therapy in the world will not work if DD doesn't admit there is a problem and want to changes the problem.
The counselor advised me and DH to be more strict. She said we need clearer guidelines and consequences for breaking of rules. A few days after her 1st therapy session, I found a bag of pot in her drawer. We confronted her, took the pot and grounded her for 2 weeks. She was totally grounded.... no one could stop by, no computer, no phone.... nothing. She was in a great mood for the 2 weeks.... almost seemed like a different person. Then, the 1st night she was ungrounded, she went out with friends to a party. We got a call at 11:00 PM from her friend, that DD was in "bad" shape. DH drove to the party where DD was incoherent from alcohol. She knew that if she consumed ANY alcohol (which we told her we would confirm with our home breath tester) that she would be grounded for 1 month.She told us the next day that she went to the party intending to drink and since she would be grounded for any alcohol... she decided to go all out and get totally wasted.
So... now she is grounded for a month and doesn't really seem too upset by this.
I'm starting to think that DD likes to be grounded. Maybe it takes some social pressures and decision-making away. I'm also starting to think that DD really has some issues with alcohol. Any thoughts? Any ideas? I don't know what else to do. All the therapy in the world will not work if DD doesn't admit there is a problem and want to changes the problem.

There are two things that teenagers like, whether they admit it or not (and usually they won't)... clear rules, guidelines and consequences, and attention from their parents.
I like Rose's idea of earning her privileges back gradually.
It's obvious that any party with her peer group is going to involve alcohol and pot so parties and overnights should IMHO be banned. I think it is unrealistic to expect her to attend one of these gatherings and not indulge. That's hard for adults, after all. I'm dieting and there are evenings I could simply not eat(appetite wans as day goes on)but I cannot cook and watch my family eat without eating with them!!!!
Limit her activities to your home or the mall when she earns her rights back. I know 'where this is a will, this is a way' but Id make it darn difficult.
We went through this with DS2 and I know its tough. He was a junior, though. 15 seems scarier because of the "if she is doing this now..." I dont think they take a big jump in maturation until they are out of high school-I dont think the environment allows it
Good luck.
Perhaps she has a lot of friends who are encouraging her to do these activities and doesn't know how to break away from them.
I was also going to say the same thing. That the parents should tell the therapist what happened and that it seemed like DD liked being grounded. The fact that therapy is confidential doesn't mean that the parents can't tell the therapist what is going on.
Maybe DD doesn't know how to be in a group who are doing alcohol or drugs w/o doing it herself. Of course, she shouldn't be hanging around w/ those type of kids, but in adulthood, she's got to learn that just because other people are doing something, she doesn't have to do it to fit in. There are some people who are really socially self-conscious, so they drink because it gives them the courage to talk to other people too. I hope that the DD can get involved in some other activities where she can hang out w/ kids who are doing something other than drinking.