DD's BF not scoring any points...

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Registered: 03-26-2003
DD's BF not scoring any points...
4
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 2:36pm
Deleted-n/t


Edited 4/10/2006 4:48 pm ET by heartsandroses2002
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Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 4:47pm

I'm just wondering, if, giving her the benefit of the doubt, she really is worried about the money. I wonder if $15,000 doesn't sound like a lot of debt to her to begin her career with. It would depend of course on the beginning salary of her chosen profession. What percentage of her salary will her debt represent? Just some thoughts...

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Mon, 04-10-2006 - 4:53pm
I see your point, but I don't think this is it. Her closest cousin is finishing up pre-med school and has on many occasions complained that she will have about $175,000 in loans to pay off starting next January so I'm relatively certain that dd knows that her numbers really aren't that bad comparatively speaking. However, you've made a good point and when we speak with dd later, I will be certain to fix her perception. Thanks.
Avatar for jupiterfit
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Registered: 05-12-2003
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 4:54pm
Hmmm. I'm curious about the original post.... it says "deleted." Was DD considering not going to college because of the money?
Debbie
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Tue, 04-11-2006 - 8:55am

Here is a version of the original post. I deleted it because I thought maybe I was over reacting - I've been especially cranky and blue the last couple of days; thinking it's probably PMS.

I am not too happy with 18dd or her Bf these days. Bad enough that he used to be a controller (he's actually calmed a bit since dd set down some guidelines about having her own time). Dd told me that a couple of months ago, while hanging with a friend, BF's car was stopped and his friend was found to be in possession of cocaine. According to the way it went down, BF was also charged as he was the driver and was in the presence of the friend who acually had it on him. At least this is the story he told dd (or, perhaps, the story dd is telling me - not sure at this point).

Anyway, BF had his court date last week and is now on probation for 2 years! He obviously will go to jail if he gets into any trouble in the next 2 years; and he has to see a drug counselor to prove he is not an addict. *I have to say that if you ever saw BF, you never ever would guess this could be him or his life. He is such a clean cut looking kid and his family is such ultra Christians...I mean, it's hard for me to believe that he is involved in this. However, since I've had time to really think about the BF, I can see that he's a spoiled young man whose parents have just heaped love and praise on him and overlooked his poor behavior...and he's cheap! DD pays whenever they go to friendly's or mini golf because 'supposedly' he is in such debt that he never has any money, dd says.

Anyway, when dd told me about the arrest and probation, I didn't say much to her (I was in a kind of shock to be honest), but she knew I was incredibly disappointed in BF and since I was quiet, she knew that I was not happy about this latest development.

My other concerns are regarding her college entry process as we've been trying to get everything in order for her Freshman year at college; we received the college of choice's offer and we now at least know where we stand in regards to loans, needs, aid, ect. It is time for me and dd to go apply for THE loan that will ensure her presence in the college of her choice, which BTW, is only going to be $10,000 this year and likely only about $5000 for each subsequent year - not much considering the entire cost of her education will be upwards of $58000. This morning, while speaking of dd about some scholarships that are due this week, she mentioned something about attending the in-state culinary institute. I have to say, it took all my effort not to snap on her. The local school does not offer a degree program, it is certificate only - same length of program, same curriculum, but no degree. The cost is about 1/3 of CIA, but H and both feel she should go for the actual degree and we feel okay about helping her financially to that end.

Why is dd having such a sudden change of heart? Why does she suddenly want to look at this local school when up until this past WEEK she has shunned it like a bad case of herpes? I am wondering if BF is up to his old tricks of making her feel bad about going so far away to school....so he can't be with her 24/7!! I am having a hard time approaching her with these questions, as I know an argument and dd's tears will ensue. And I know that I have to speak with H about this - it took such a long time for us to get on the same page about the loan and financial aid business (he wanted to wipe out our savings instead and I refused). I know he will not be happy about her change of heart concerning schools and I don't want him to say anything to dd out of anger - I want us to be able to discuss this with her rationally, but hair goes up everytime we need to discuss anything important lately.

What I want to do is tell dd that we will not support her if she chooses to forego CIA and attend the local culinary school. It sounds uncomfortably like blackmail to me, which is bad I know, but I also don't think she's thinking right about this. She keeps going on about being in debt until she's old, when in fact by the time she's through with college she will only have about $15,000 in loans to pay off. That's better than most graduates. I think it has more to do with BF and less to do with money since we've talked about the finances before.

So, what would you do?