dd's driving me nuts

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
dd's driving me nuts
15
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 2:26am

I have posted many times about dd14 and her bf. I have really learned to like the guy, but it's dd I'm starting to dislike to a degree. Every weekend she turns into a moody, jealous little brat. Don't take me wrong, I love my dd w/ all my heart, but I have no idea how she has learned to act like this. She and bf are perfect when they are together - they have a blast together. But the moment he makes plans that don't include her, she's turns into the mighty green jealousy monster.

Up until a month ago, when both their lives were concentrated on sports, everything was fine. Ever since, every weekend has been a living Hell in my house. At first, I was always with her and ticked at him with her, but I've learned differently since, it's definitely her. Tonight, dd had a friend's 16th bday party to go to - she was supposed to spend the whole weekend w/ the girl, she opted not to do that, but went to the movies and I picked her up afterwards. Well, bf went to another party - and omg there are other girls there!! He texted her at 9pm and called her at 11pm, but she's still ticked. Last weekend, she actually broke up with him, because they had planned for him to go to gymnastics with her and then his plans got changed - voila a fight ensues. The weekend before, dd was supposed to go to a party with bf, dd didn't want to go, bf went w/out her and she was a miserable bum the whole night. The weekend before, they were supposed to take homecoming pics and he didn't call her until 2pm. The weekend before.... don't ask...

It's just ridiculous and I don't know what to do with her about it. She has always hated it when other guys have acted like that towards her, which always resulted in her breaking up with them. Do I just stay out of it and let her learn the lesson or does anyone have any wise words of wisdom for me here? I have never been a jealous person so I am clueless as to how she got this way!!

He's definitely her first love for whatever that is worth. I just don't like the jealousy and the clinginess and her expectations she has for him - they are just unrealistic. I'm dreading tomorrow. She will sit in front of the computer all day, with her phone next to her and wait and wait and wait. The longer it takes for him to contact her tomorrow, the more ticked she will get, and the uglier the scene when he does finally contact her. I just hope she sleeps really, really late!!

Someone gimme strength to remain sane!!

ETA: Tonight, he offered to skip the party he was going to, to go with dd to the party that went to the movies and she kept saying "no, no, go to the party and have fun." So it's not like he's not trying to make her happy....poor guy just can't win with her!




Edited 11/18/2006 2:41 am ET by kel7col4



Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 2:52pm

ETA: Not directed at Mom-Dragonfly, just responding to the last post in this thread:

IMO these boys aren't giving your DDs enough of a challenge and so they (your DDs) are creating problems. This is an age old problem with girls; never respecting the nice guys and treating them like crap. I did it myself when I was that age :-). These are not good habits for them to be establishing.

I'm amazed that your 14 yo has a steady bf. IMO, she is too young and that may be why you're seeing this immature behavior.

PS




Edited 11/22/2006 3:25 pm ET by ps9_9-10
Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 3:12pm

The weird thing is dd doesn't expect this stuff, but I guess they feel like they have to do this. When BF was hinting around to buying her flowers and having them delivered, he asked her what her favorite kind was and she, trying to save him money (or his parents lol) said daisy's lol....well he bought her 18 roses. Her previous bf bought her a (very nice) watch and pair of lounge pants from Victoria's Secret. She tells them she doesn't want stuff, she just wants their time and attention ALL THE TIME...that's what I mean by high maintenance.

DD has her own debit card and everytime she goes somewhere, she pays for herself. There was one time that bf did pay for movie, popcorn, soda and they went to Dunkin Donuts afterwards - she had her card and was prepared to pay, but he told her no, that he would take care of it.

Oh and then there was the homecoming ticket debacle lol - our homecoming tickets were $12 each and she had no idea if he was buying her's or not. One of her cheerleader friends told her of him buying 2 tickets but they were for someone else. The next day, he came up to her and waved the ticket in front of her and then put it in his wallet. She came home that day (the day before last day to buy tickets) saying "I think he bought my ticket" - umm yeah - ya think you should find out?? She felt dumb asking him if he did, so luckily his brother owed her money so she asked bf if bro was paying her back anytime soon, because she needed it for her ticket - bf fessed up that he had her ticket - problem solved!

Bf is out to "prove his love" after their break-up almost 2 weeks ago. She told hm she doesn't want things she just doesn't want to be stood up all the time and I guess that is a foreign concept. The "prove his love" thing came when they broke up and she said "love" was more than just words, because the boy is darn good with words.

The near future will be interesting - they had cuts yesterday - DD for cheering and BF for basketball. Bf didn't make the bball team *enter shocked look here* and dd made the cheering squad. Do you know he actually asked her to drop from the squad because they will never see each other??? She said no, but I gotta tell ya - both of those comments shocked me!!! Dd will have a very demanding schedule for the next 3 months with 4 hours practices, 6 days a week, plus school, plus him.... when I found he didn't make it, I was really worried that she would quit and when I asked her about it and she told me he asked her to, I was dumbfounded. I thought she would "try" and quit on her own accord.

Got sidetracked - I just wanted to speak about although dd is high maintenance it's in different terms lol - they have gone out for chinese food twice and both times she has paid; rented movies and she has paid; gotten pizza and she has paid. So far, they seem to be evening things out.




Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 3:25pm

I may think she's too young too, but I'm not going to forbid it so she can go behind my back like I see so many of her friends doing. They are never one on one - they are usually over here with my supervision. They would go to school sports events together, they go to the movies in a group setting and sounds like they won't even have this in the near future. He's almost 16, she's almost 15.

She has always been one to get bored really easily. I think the problem is she has actually met her challenge to tell you the truth. They aren't joined at the hip and she has some warped idea that they should be. Which I find really amusing considering any other guy she has "dated" when they acted like that, she was history.

I don't think she's treating him like crap - yet, she's just acting really insecure - think it's the whole first love thing. I think she has loosened up a little bit - well since yesterday haha.




iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 4:04pm

You're her parent. it is your duty to set appropriate boundaries. What if she came to you and said she wanted to have sex with her bf? Would you say ok, even if you didn't think it was in her best interest, so she wouldn't sneak around behind your back? I know it isn't the same thing, but it starts with the small things and works up. KWIM?

PS

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 4:39pm

Yup, I'm the parent and I would much rather everything be out in the open then sneaking around. She has her boundaries, she knows what they are, she follows the rules, I have no reason to mistrust her. All is well. I could let her be like me who's parents said no to everything and sneak around and I did everything and anything - I don't want that, and I don't have that....

This one has been boy crazy since day one and she's in high school, she gonna do the high school thing. If I were to forbid it - I'd guarantee you I would be facing some serious rebellion. I'd rather pick my battles and keep everything out in the open than literally ask for the sneaking around. I hear about it all the time from dd "so and so said she's spending the night at so and so's house, but....*fill in the blanks*" So yeah, I am the parent and I am raising her the best way I know how and with how open she is I think it's working pretty good so far ;) The things she tells me, I would never dream of telling my parents. All of inlaws wish their kids were as open as she is.

Again, she goes with groups to the movies or to the mall with me driving or they are over here at my house watching movies or they attend school functions together. They aren't parked in a car at lookout point or having hotel rondevous or out getting drunk together....

Might come back to bite me in the future...I'll let ya know!

ETA: Regarding the sex issue - If she were going to have sex, which undoubtedly she will one day, I would hope she would come to me. She is already on the pill to regulate her periods and for face break-outs and we have talked continously about the physical and psychological ramifications of having sex for the wrong reasons and at an early age. Would I make it easy for them to have sex? No, I'm not going to make up a bed for them and leave altoids on the pillow. At the present time, they have little free time for each other and no opportunities for sex to even become an issue and that will continue. He will turn 16 in the next few months and then he has to wait 6 months from then to be able to have anyone else in the car with him, so again little one on one contact. If they are going to have sex, I guess they are going to - something else dd has told me "people getting busted having sex in the bathrooms at school" - so yeah. I'm not going to follow her around with a chastity belt - she's made good decisions up until now. I don't work so I am home 24/7 and always in the near vicinity so it's not like they are sneaking together after school.




Edited 11/22/2006 4:51 pm ET by kel7col4



Pages