dds embarrased by our car...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
dds embarrased by our car...
25
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 12:48am

Hi,

Our dds are embarrassed by our car. I don't want to try to make them adjust to it--teenage years are hard enough. I'd like to work itt us as a family.

We drive an old big caillac. A large car helps me get around more as I don't feel as much vibration. The vibraion inflames my muscls and givs me fevrer.

I need much less recuperation time after riding if the car is large, like a limo.

I dont want to get a grandmom car. We'll gr something the two kids,dog and luggage in the show?

Well, if anybody knows a car that drives smoothky I dont any car. If you have an idea. I would appreciat it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 6:00pm

Good insights Cheryl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 7:51pm

>>>>I don't want to try to make them adjust to it--teenage years are hard enough<<<

I am confused by this statement. IMHO, adjusting to things that are hard is part of the lesson of growing up that teens HAVE to do during these years.

I agree with other posters that 1) most teens are embarrassed by their parents in some way, 2) changing things just to make the teen less embarrassed is a bad precedent to set. That doesn't mean that I go out of my way to embarrass my daughter, but I also try to help her relax a bit about what other people think or say.

Several of your posts in the past, including this one, indicate a tendency on your part and your daughters' to focus on appearances, what people think, etc - sort of superficial. It might be interesting to talk to your daughters about looking below the surface.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 11:54pm

No offense - but how do they feel about their bikes?

I am one of those people who likes a car if it has four wheels and starts when I turn the key. I think the reasons you have for driving the car you do are vaild and you should not feel badly about this.

Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 12:24am

<<>>

But... at 13/14 the very *threat* of embarrassing them is a powerful parental trump card.. :-)
e.g. "If you don't take out the garbage like I asked, I'm going to put on Neil Young and dance with your friends next time they come over."

Seriously, several years ago my neighbor came over and asked to borrow my car. His Lexis was in the shop leaving his old station wagon to drive his DD to the mall. This was totally unacceptable to her. She was actually in tears.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 4:24am

Thanks so much for the information! I am clueless about cars. Sometimes people get what are considered by others "sensational" new cars that people are congratulating them for and I have no idea what they are talking about. As it turned out I'm not sure we are going to get a car. Our Toyota (I think that's the name--or maybe it's a Honda, I don't don't for sure) had broken down--we've had it since the kids were born 14 yrs ago. We bought it because it had a high safety rating. We were afraid it wouldn't be worth repairing. But it only costs $400. So, we're getting that fixed. The kids have always been driven in that. The old Cadillac just was repaired. It's really, really old tho--I don't even know how old it is--much, much, much older than 14 yrs tho. We're going to try to crank along with that now. That's the car the kids are embarrassed about. We have to do a huge amount of driving now compared to what we did in our old town. So, we may have to replace one car.

If so, I can't or wouldn't get a car that my kids would pick out. But I would let express their opinion in making a family decision. We rented a townhouse in a town that has mostly apartments and highways and single people or couples with only small children for my husband's commuting convenience and my preference to live in this type of community. They would prefer to live where kids they go to school with live--towns with backyards and streets where they can walk or ride a bike instead of just highways.. The dog would love that--and it is worse on the dog and those who must walk him then anyone. So, they know they can't choose when it comes to family decisions, but we take their feelings into account. When our lease is up, we would like to get something with a backyard for them, the dog and ourselves. Where we lived before they had the dumpiest house of anyone except maybe one other girl. They just accepted it. They realized their friends lived in mansions, sometimes more than one, but they had to accept that they didn't. They had a dormer where their heads hit the ceiling. I hated the floor they slept on, but they are generally good about making do with what we have.

The old caddy tho really has embarrassed them for years, it is really the only thing they ever complained about materialistically that I can think of... They have an old console TV from the year one that looks like an antique in the family room. No one likes it, but they know that's what they have altho some of their friends have flat screen
TVS. I brushed aside their opinion for years about the car and just said you're lucky to have one, I had to ride in a truck your age, blah blah, blah.., you shouldn't care what people think, the usual spiel.... Then on graduation day when I saw how they hated that car, I thought to myself; gosh, I don't really care what kind of car we have. So, if we have to get a new one and as long as it is smooth riding for me, I don't mind giving hem a say.

But if we lease or buy a car, Id like to know more about them. I know a lot of families have SUVS. Ive never been in one and wonder if they are smooth rides. I'd like something that rides smooth most of all--the kids understand that. I used to ride in my Dad's work truck which he brought home with him, my Grandmom's truck because she had such a big stomach from a liver condition she couldn't fit behind any car wheel, and I was shocked my kids cared about a car. But I was always shocked my Mom and Dad, who weren't into status in the slightest bit or anyone at all cared about what kind of car they drove! It amazes me that people even know the makes of cars--I have no idea what car is a luxury car and which isn't, just if it rides smooth. Then I started seeing how the moms and kids at least in the schools they go to are concious about cars, as they are about houses, clothes, etc. People actually get excited they get new cars! I started seeing it a bit from their point of view for the first time. I don't mind taking their views in to consideration if we have to get a car, as long as the car meets my needs in terms of smoothness.
We really need something large enough now for a dog, at least two kids, us and maybe another person or two and luggage. I have no idea what kind of car that would be. I don't know if SUVS drive smoothly. I really was interested in hearing about the six cylinder versus the four cyclinder!!! Wow, you know a lot!! That's really helpful. It was interesting to hear about the Sienna minivan. This gives me some direction to look in. They don't make the kind of used Cadillac we have anymore--they haven't for umpteen years. The car is really almost like a one of a kind on the road--we never see another like it on the highway, or we would probably try to buy it from the person driving it. LOL. So, we could never really buy one. It was considered very, very old and used 15 yrs ago. I'd just like to get a smooth riding car now and if the kids feel more contemporary in it that's ok with me as long as it meets my needs. So, any input on smooth driving large cars is really helpful, as I don't have the slightest idea where to begin and either does my husband, as neither of us are in to cars. My Mom used to dream of getting me a new car when I was a kid, which amazed me, as she liked cars. I never understood why she or anyone would have the slightest interest in cars!

I do remember being embarrassed about certain things as a kid--which is pretty funny to me now. I thought our house looked too "rich"--when I met a friend who really had a poor house with no furniture. I was embarrassed we had furniture--altho it was very blue collar, Archie Bunker, Everybody Loves Raymond style.(Well not as luxurious as that as Everybody Loves Raymond). But I was embarrassed that it looked too posh and would make the other girl feel underpriliged! My daughter has a friend with a tiny, kind of run down house and my daughter listens to her and tries to make her feel better.

Mostly though my most important recooletion was that I recall a certain sock was in style, and my mom's friend who had no children chided my mom for letting me wear them and I was so,so grateful that I had a Mom who took my feelings into consideration even though I was only thirteen. I remember making a decision at that very moment I would always be grateful my Mom did that, and that I would try to do that one day for my children.

Our kids know they don't get to choose in a family decision, but they can have an opinion--they are part of our family. They talk about the kind of car they are going to save for when they are older. They know this is a family decision, not theirs. I'd just like to get educated about cars which I never thought about except for comfort after I had a problem riding. So, if anybody knows something about how smooth a larger car is that's really helpful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 4:35am
I enjoyed reading your response about cars. Thanks for sharing
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 4:52am
Thanks so much for your helpful response. I really appreciate your insight--and helpful practical information. Good luck to you--by the way. I see your posts at times--and you must be very proud of your family!!! God bless, Sunny
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 5:19am
Thanks so much for your response. They would love to ride their bikes or walk. Their dream is to live in an area they would be able to walk to school or to ride their bikes. There is so much traffic here. A ten minute drive takes 40 minutes to get to school because of the traffic. I lived in Manhattan for years and I'm getting used to the traffic, which is almost similar here. Wow-remember the good old days when kids had roads to ride bikes on! The school they go to only two kids out of I don't know exactly how many but at least a thousand I think can walk to school. None can ride bikes. My kids say they would like to be the next family even though there are no sidewalks and there are many highways, but it would take them a couple hours and bikes are prohibited. Someday I would love to live close enough to the school where they could walk to school as I really want to volunteer a lot these last four years I have them home and enjoy every precious moment. that's my dream too. The teen years are so special, as these are the last years they live at home that I treasure each day.
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 10:18am

Well, you seem to really love your caddy and although it's on the older side, perhaps you could go to the dealership and try out their newer models. They are supposed to be luxury cars with a smooth ride so I think you should go check it out. Plus, being as you already have a caddy, you could use that one as a trade in for some dollars off a new one!!

I really loved my 6 cylinder Sienna - it was like driving a limo. Really, it was. We traded it in for a smaller, more energy efficient 4 cylinder car, however. I like my new car, but it doesn't drive as smooth (though nice enough) and it isn't as large (but enough most of the time) but it does have better gas mileage and it's perfect for H and I now that our kiddos aren't driving with us that often.

Good luck - I think you should go drive some cars and find one that suits you!! What fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 12:59pm

If you are not into test driving, edmunds.com is a good site with a lot of information on cars-complete with pictures and ratings by both the pros and just plain ole drivers(which I put more stock in myself)

I drive a Toyota Corolla for the gas mileage-I drive a lot for my job and only get 31 cents a mile so the more MPG I can find, the better off I am. Definitely NOT a comfort car

DH has a Nissan Altima which cost about the same as mine but is bigger and I am amazed at how much better the ride is! Of course, that's comparing it to my car and may not be representative of all cars

The Maxima is a step up from the Altima so I am betting its comfortable.

These cars seem to be driven by people in my age group but they still seem a little more stylish to me than some other brands(but then Im old so what do I know-LOL)

We have had good luck mechanically with these cars

I drove a Buick Rendevous before the Corolla-its a crossover thats kind of a cross between a van and an SUV. Crossovers will have a lower step in and out. There were a lot of things I liked about it and it would fit your needs but we had horrible mechanical problems with it-its was one thing after another. But maybe we just had a lemon; Edmunds has info that will tell you if repairs are knows to be a problem for a certain vehicle.

BTW I think we tend to feel guilty when we move and, consciously or unconsciously, want to make it up to the kids for having uprooted them from their school and friends. I know I went through that and I think some degree of that is normal as long as you dont let it get out of hand(and I truly believe they pick up on that guilt and take full advantage for every minute it lasts-LOL)